Dzuka Malawi: How to spot an illuminati, ndondocha-thinline between witches and Christians

There is a thin-line between being a Christian and a witch. The levels of superstition in Christians of today borders on superstition or witchcraft. They carry anointing this, special handkerchiefs and we have heard of fake profits oops Prophets raping women simply to exorcize them of their demons.Dzuka Malawi

The script of modern day preachers is not far from what we read in Police Magazine of yesterday. A sing’anga of elsewhere raping and stealing from poor superstitious people. If your Bishop, Pastor or Prophet spends time on creating superstition and fear of demonic world, not preaching salvation, love and forgiveness of sin by our Lord Jesus Christ, he is a witchdoctor-they prey on fear of unknown.

Witch doctors or charlatans as Jesus called them, have made people do the unimaginable. Run naked around your house, drink blood of chicken, sleep at grave yard, sleep with your mother or child and even kill your relation. The embarrassment and the mental trauma injected by such ludicrous prescriptions have seen people go mad, hang themselves or die of shame after nothing happened.

Now, if you were among the people sharing the theory of illuminati over the death of gospel singer Grace Chinga, just go to National Library and read the witchcraft stories in Malawi Police Magazine. If you can’t see the similarity of the stories, you are definitely an illuminati- or simply nfiti ya chizungu. Ufiti ndi Ufiti, wachizungu or called any other name.

That’s why I love Islam doctrine on death. If I die at 10am, by 2pm I will be buried. They accept that for every life it will come to an end. My Christian pretenders drag funerals, add controversies and finally they use to catch “witches” now its some sort of obscure society of Bavarian Illuminati that ended in 1700’s.

There is a thin line between witchcraft, illuminati and nowadays Christianity. In Malawi, only in Malawi if you are rich you are satanic. If you are poor you are a witch who ate all your kids. If you are a Prophet you are satanic, you either turn into a snake or drink blood or oops are illuminati trying to kill everyone. Let’s start from our past.

If you went to a boarding secondary school I am sure you remember among the many things one was expected to see at night, were either ndondocha (don’t read in English), I mean those simply alleged short ghosts that were only met by drunks or people trying to scare you from going to night study. So only two prerequisites were required, be drunk or run away from prep, voila! You are a ndondocha spotter.

The tragic comedy that played itself as we celebrated the life of Grace Chinga is unbelievable. Unbelievable, because the alleged God-Fearing, Witch-burning and porn-sharing Malawians have decided to add another one to their titles- illuminati spotting.

The volume of pages  of social media generated indicate the dangerous amount of idle time we have as a nation. The sad part is that there is very little difference between the educated and the villagers, our love of gossip and superstition is heading to dangerous level.

Tell me what is the difference between those villagers in Neno suspecting death by lightening to have been caused by those poor old people and killing them, and people from the commercial city of Blantyre and online sharing alleged cause of death by Late Grace Chinga as somehow mysterious and came from an organisation called illuminati.

Suddenly the iProphet who captures and walks in the air is a member of the occult and out of all the millions of musicians, Facebook and other social media attacks, he wanted to take someone for a song they did in January. See how pathetic educated graduates from University of Malawi writing on social media “somehow after listening to Ndiulura something is in this song.” Dude that song, for people that really followed her music came out in January not after she died. Between January and now where were you?

The most dangerous cap of it all is that just like those mob justice meters of Nsanje, we had a very rowdy crowd at Robins Park, some singing anti-iProphet songs, others refusing to hear messages from the Music Association, while others went to hear who between Peter Mutharika, Joyce Banda, Bakili Muluzi and Lazarus Chakwera had put enough money for the funeral.

The disregard of the pain and suffering of Chinga’s son and daughter and mother and her dignity at the last mile indicated that hypocrites, yes, hypocrites we are. We are more of those that killed her last memory by creating our fantasies for ndondocha or illuminati.

The problem as I said, too much idle time, too much social media and too much superstition. In Malawi when I die, everyone wants to have a scapegoat. Even the Pastors who preach every day, they will still tell you about something.

So from Neno and Nsanje murders,  we have upgraded our witch hunting skills to include successful Malawians and Prophets. This is a national shame and tragedy. Unfortunately our children will start believing our stupidity and gullibility.

To the end, everyone who becomes successful in our eyes is a “nfiti”. Forget the sugar coating English words like satanic or illuminati. Lets call it the way we know it from our society. “Adakhwimira”. Amamwa magazi, amafuna ampatse mimba mwamwa tsenga or ndalama zawo zachitaka.” We all come from communities so jealous of rich people and we used to brand them “okhwima.”

Up to this day many areas have no maize mills simply because if I invest in one, my relation dies days later, definitely I have put him or her there. Forget how sickly or weak they were. Shame.

Unfortunately, there is very little difference between our fore fathers in Nyasaland in 1900 who called rich people okhwimira  or ali ndi sendamwana,  imamwa magazi or njoka imayamwa maliseke akazi awo to 2016 generation believing in “blood draining, mysterious pregnant and mysterious money” illimunati.

Dzuka Malawi, don’t be stupid enough to live in 1700 in 2016. Only death comes after birth. We will all die, I would rather prepare for my departure than fantasise with witchcraft- eeetue eeh, kaya wachikuda kaya wachizungu.

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30 thoughts on “Dzuka Malawi: How to spot an illuminati, ndondocha-thinline between witches and Christians”

  1. manze says:

    Silly, naive, ignorant people, secret societies have ruled even in Jesus times.
    You have secret dark societies in malawi. In business making connections.
    They rule us,uk, and the whole world is almost under their rule.
    Only two roads leading to God or Devil.

  2. says:

    A Gonapamhanya u guessed rightly that this writer went thru university corridors.
    That’s y it seems somehow difficult to understand him.
    He could b a big time practicing philosopher.
    Cummon, digest his core objective – a thin line btwin illuminat / satanism on one hand & kukhwima / ufiti on the other.
    They are all satanic practices.
    Where d’u belong urself?
    The writer ends by saying he would rather commit his life into preparing for his death than bubble about others.
    In the end God iz the Judge of everything.

  3. Mugonapamhanya says:

    I am tempted to believe that the author of this shallow write-up has some kind of university education. If I am correct on that one then it is very shocking to have someone who went thru university and has no clue of the existence of secret societies in the world such as Illuminati. A good number of secret societies’ members have and keep on coming in the open about their membership. The author has also goofed big time to suggest that to Malawians every rich man is a witch. That is ridiculous. Mr Khondowe of Kangombe Building in Lilongwe is one of Malawi’s black millionaires and has never been associated with witch-craft. There are so many millionaire businessmen in Malawi who do not have that bad reputation. They question we must ask ourselves is, “why only this so called iprophet or pastor?” There is no smoke without fire.

  4. cheng woo says:

    and what’s your point …you seem to have no basic knowledge of what you are saying

  5. jonathan says:

    Writer of this article , go and research on the Illuminati and its operatives..your knowledge is to shallow about this dark world…when you do that, come and write something sensible..what you have written here is absolute nosense..and you call it Dzuka Malawi???

  6. xhing says:

    Uzayakhula mopusa,zikazachitika kwa iwe

  7. Mapwevupwevu says:

    Can somebody plz summarize the article, I do not have idle time to read all of it!

  8. Thitherward 'wendo says:

    Over the past 400 years or so, people have been repeating Francis Bacon’s aphorism: ‘Knowledge is power’. However, it is worth noting that power can also be gained by manipulating other peoples’ ignorance.

    When people are denied access to the usual political, social and economic power structures, they will adopt and develop alternative structures, such as those provided by religious and traditional belief systems.

    That people do this is not so much a symptom of our stupidity as of the frustration we feel because we are denied access to other power structures by those powerful people who control them, and also by the ignorance we have been bequeathed by an ineffective education system.

    Understanding is power. Wisdom is the product of life-long learning, and this is not something that old people ‘find’ at the bottom of a bottle, or in the bed of their neighbor’s wife / husband.

  9. Rustenburg says:

    Kunayeneratu choipacho kudza kwa inu koma tsoka ochibweretsayo
    I do indeed believe about witchcraft’s existance but Iam not a witch and that theres satanism but not a satanist also that theres a group called illuminat but neither am I a member
    These foolish assumptions are full of wisdom to the wise but are a total nonsense to the fools because God uses the foolishness of the world inorder to shame the intelligent of the world
    You article is one of those so many called intelligent of the world and you are wrong

    Lastly dont forget that kunayenera choipa kudza kwa ife koma tsoka ochibweretsa ndipo ngati Grace Chinga wafa anthu mkumasaka kuti chamupha mchiyani alakwa pati?

  10. ashley says:

    mulungu ndiwamkulu azaweluza sikale ndithu

  11. Juan sin nombre. says:

    Is normal that the people don’t do nothing. Very normal. Cus corruption schools. Is normal cus corruption Vatican. Cus malaria was in Europe always but 50 years ago finish. Why don’t finish in Africa? Corruption. People are jealous but is normal….
    Somebody write here about Muslim…… stupid mind. The logical true is Muslim religion is satanic. Cus they believe in Jesucrist and He say He is the last true One and He say but after Him come another lies men and another satanic men. And then logical, Muslim is satanic or only not true cus they belive in Jesucrist and He speak very clearly to be understood. School? University? Corruption. Start to work in any job at 16 y old

  12. Professor Wakumpoto says:

    Well written article. Malawians we believe in ufiti and magic too much instead of working hard. Indeed we shall all die. Only two things are certain after birth- taxes and death. You should write frequently. Education is really not removing the stupidity from us. Do we honestly seat down and reason the sense of all these crazy fabricated stories?

  13. dont talk 2 much wé all wait 4 de jugement day,dont prétend 2 b so rightious & honest & intelligent ,as de bible has al ready prophecyie about WAT is happening 2 de world of 2day,wé r all relyNG upon money,money has make de world 2 b crazy,DE TRUTH SHALL B REVIWÉD AS DE BIBLE SAY,de secrets of DARKNESS SHALL B reviewed 2 .WE DONT KNW ANYTHING ONLY GOD KNWZ,TISAPEZELEPO MA KOBIDI PA INFA YA MAI WATHU TIMAKONDA PA NYIMBO ZA CHILIMBIKISO zake amatiyimbila(LATE GRACE CHINGA R I P mama )ONLY GOD KNWZ .


    Ine Olo Atapezeka Lero Akandilowetse U Satarnic Ndili Okonzeka Ine Number Yanga Ndi Imeneyi 0992273124 Call Me Ndili Serious

  15. MABONZO says:

    ndipo uzafa ndithu bible limatero komanso chiweruzo ndichake basi usaweruze poti uzaweruzidwa wabwino,oyipa akuziwa ndi mlungu yekha basi.

  16. The Partriot says:

    Very shameful way of thinking! Ulemere, ndiwe wa Satanic ukasauka ndiwe mfiti! Ignorance ndi matendadi!
    A Malawi, tiyeni tipite ku Sukulu, umbuli wathu wanyanya!

  17. Mbunga says:

    Well written article, rich in substance and syntax. The fear gripping people regarding the issue of superstition is so overwhelming and deafening. People would rather run from something perceived as a ghost into the hands of a thug. That’s just how strong the belief is. Unfortunately this fear have been turned into a tool by most of the con-pastors who have mushroomed our towns and cities. One tends to wonder why is it that they only operate in towns and cities..? It z also high time they started paying tax since they’ve turned it into a way of making a living..

  18. Vincent K says:

    Those jealousy, lazy people how do they think somebody can get rich simply by drinking another man’s blood? you can do all evil things and end up dying poor.

  19. golo says:

    Well said. Our society is indeed sick. We are so jealous of successful people that we even connive to believe false stories and rumours just to tarnish somebody’s image who is so ahead of us in terms of wealth and riches.The sad part is we also conspire to confirm and consign ourselves to poverty. Why cant we admire the successful people and aspire to be like them ? We will live in endless poverty with our love for gossip and hating successful people the way we do it in this country. Pathetic people who always associate the rich with Satanism that’s what Malawians have become-bottom line “ulesi”.

  20. Chigwinjiri cha zude says:

    While we will all die, becoz death is the common denomenator but but witch craft is there. In Ntcheu, a younglady who died and buried some 14 years ago came back and in Ntchisi a youngman died and buried in the year 2000 came back with news that he was being kept in some ones house, he was doing farming for him at nyt, if there is no witchcraft, why to we have the term, witchcraft, and what can we call such practices?

  21. Bin wa Luchenza says:

    the way the writer puts facts is fascinating. i wish anybody in authority took notice of him and his ideas. a very patriotic malawian who does not mince words, someone you need on your side always. thank you for reminding us of sendawana or chinjoka we had it in luchenza and we never thought abcd was rich from hardwork. it makes sense

  22. M'busa says:

    Good analysis. I think somebody has got insight here. I cry for my nation Malawi. I pray that God hears us and answer our Malawi National Anthem. That song is a great prayer. Dzuka Malawi

  23. KING DAVIDE says:

    I see earths sorrowing picture, In black and white I see. People are walking senseless as senseless as a stone. MALAWI wake up !!! If there are fake dollar (Prophet)take note within there is an Origin DOLLAR. Be not idle be not pocketless follow the HIGHWAY don’t go beyond UDF office you will find REAL DOLLAR.

  24. Ereck says:

    ndipo kudabwitsadi mmene anthufe timalimkira nkhani za ufiti ndi imfa.Grace wamwalira ya…it ends there the rest for us to pray for her and her family not finger pointing…Bushiri is doing avery recommendable job by servng poor malawians that non of greedy politicians can do so insead of workng with him we are busy assasinating his chalacters…plz its tym up now…lets be thankful whn someone does smthng gud for us…politics shouldnt play adivedent role rather shud unite us for the better mother MaLAWI.

  25. gushu says:

    Good article but I think you are missing very crucial points: Religion (Islam, christianity, hinduism etc) all have supernatural elements: For example: Xstians have a god who impregnated a virgin, the son, half jewish, came on a suicide mission, could walk on water, feed 5000 people with 2 fish and later rose from the dead (i might add that this same story line is found in many pagan religions which dates 1000s of years before the Jesus story, which make one conclude that jesus is a mere copycat). In Islam, you have a pedophile prophet who visited heaven on a white horse, hindus have a monkey god. If you belong to one of these religions , you will see that the other religious beliefs really are absurb and vice verse. NOW, because you believe that there is a SUPERNATURAL ELEMENT IN THE UNIVERSE, THEN YOU CANNOT DISREGARD WITCHCRAFT, coz the supernatural is part of your religious life which is a part of you! Lastly I want to say: we only know the natural world, there is NO supernatural dimension. therefore All religions are COMPLETE CRAP!!!

  26. i want a tractor says:

    when poverty and stupidity takes root in a society, rumours, gossip and loose morals become the only stress releavers. if we are not careful we will soon graduate from ‘the poorest country on earth’ to ‘the only country that will never, ever progress no matter what, on earth.’

    ndiye izi mwayamba kunyoza donor wamphamvu ngati bushiri opereka interest free money. imf olo word bank inakupatsaniko aid yaulele?

    the only good thing to come out of this nonsense is that bushiri is now a hero. even some of us that had nothing to do with him now have sympathy over the way he’s being insulted.

  27. suwed stephen says:

    Thats a great evidence that only true religion on earth which can not mislead or confuse a person is islam. Thats the fact that islam is the only religion of God…the last prophet was Muhammad peace be upon him..any prophet coming after him are liars and devils which wants to divert people from real faith..these are all signs of judgement day. Plz repent now before real ant christ comes to drug us all to hell for our poor faith.

  28. Muloshi No. One says:

    This is but very good analysis. Zithunzi zina za Satanism, spiritualism, zina lowa muno mu Malawi ndi Kubwera kwa Anthu a chip embezo cha chipentecost. Powopa kuti mipingo imene inalipo kale kuti will lose followers (congregants) to anzatu achipente nawonso anayamba kukhulupilira chilichonse ndichosafunikila chomwe chifukwa mipingo ndi business. Chikhalidwe chawonongeka. Zikalakwika or wina kuchimwa zonse zimatha ndi pemphero, ma miracles or milakuli

  29. bgongoliwa says:

    Malawans biliv poverty is HOLINESS n riches are SATANIC, wot a shame.
    U see pipo sik, akafa muziti AWALOZA??? Only Malawi bilivs in that n sadly our govt slowly bilivs in this, njala ingathe?

  30. Naphiri says:

    Well said. Tanyanya a Malawi. Ulendo ulipo aliyense and manyamukidwenso ngosiyana, ena kudwala ena osadwala koma kufa nkufa basi.

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