Dzuka Malawi: Why we are all foolish millionaires …its personal responsibility that matters

We are a God fearing nation-that is a fact, depending on which side of any debate you are. We have as many churches as many pubs across the country. Five famous places in Malawi are Lunzu and Kamba in Blantyre, Bwandilo and Biwi in Lilongwe and Paris (whether Luwinga or near Mataifa) in Mzuzu. Of course nothing holy happens at these churches oops these famous gathering places.

Some people's money budget

Some people’s money budget

At Biwi alone, I mean lower Biwi you have not less than 20 pubs lining up side by side. Go there any day, the car park is full and business is thriving. Even  if it is January. Then there are enterprising foreign nationals like Ma China and Mogasa and Riverside in Salima, they know how a beer-loving-God fearing nation we are, they are expanding fast. Mogasa now has three outlets, Game Shopping Mall, Devil Street and the Wakawaka Hotel.

Add Chigwirizano, Devil Street and Machance in Lilongwe. Pa Station, Chez Ntemba and Grand Grill in Blantyre and Mzuzu Hotel and Villa Kagwentha in Mzuzu. Wow, the picture merges how we are a great fun-loving-beer-loving nation. Millions are invested, again oops, spent in these places everyday.

The fun is unlimited, long and short stay rooms are available. At Ma China the room has hit MWK3, 000.00. (Don’t ask me how I know). At Biwi the resthouse behind the pubs is reasonable around MWK2000 compared to the two famous lodges in 47 who have hit MWK5,000-MWK6000. In Blantyre the car park is convenient, in Mzuzu the rooms are cheap from MWK500 to MWK1,000 only.

Hold on, we have a thriving industry. Beer  and sex. We have even braais in Churches and we call them fundraisings every other Sunday afternoon, just an excuse to drink, eat and socialise. But on the sad part of the chain we go home to darkness, no water and most of times even no money for personal development.

My writing is basically on personal development. Dzuka Malawi is not about the mob or crowd. Its about you as a Malawian to wake up and do something about your situation. Its not about politics, we have all been politicians from 1953, we were all card carrying members of the Mighty MCP, we all sang and contributed “gifts” to His Excellency the Life President Ngwazi Dr. H. Kamuzu Banda. Then came Achalume, Kuntunda, Mwini multiparty Dr. Bakili Muluzi, Agama. Of course we went berserk on standards in his gaffament. The Late Professor Bingu wa Mutharika, Chitsulo cha Njanje walked the talk before he too went bonkers and stopped listening. We had an interlude of Chiwongolero, Amai Joyce Banda of Kukhala Mzimayi Sichifukwa and Mpanvuu rhythm and of course cashgate bundled her out and we now have the Professor Aurther Peter Mutharika, or APM….eeeh comment later.

So we have done politics, we are still poor after 52 years the whiteman left us. We are still crying for the whiteman’s pockets in terms of aid. You see, so lets reduce politics and political thinking. By the way its simply foolish for all professionals to think of joining politics to be rich, everyone who went into politics came back poor and those innocent businesses came back cashgated and now some are in jail. If possible in your life, stay away from the curse of politics, focus on what you can do well. That, of course, will be subject for another day.

We go back to the beer industry. Now if I drink at least 10 bottles a night on average, or half Malawi gin at least on average night at my pub. Even if its five packets of Chibuku, plus Kanyenya and what I buy my friends, the minimum cost of drinking is pegged at MWK5,000 per day. In five of the seven days a week that I am likely to drink, as Sunday we go to pray and Monday is normally quite, I spend anything between 20,000 to 25,000 on beer alone. Add the cost of going out those “kanyenya” whether zinziri, nkhumba, full chickens or mang’ina a cool MWK30,000-MWK35,000.00 is spent.

In ten weeks an average beer drinking male spends not less than MWK100,000.00 in those pubs in famous places, if the sisters-of-the-night (I am scared of being lynched by Human Rights groups if I call them prostitutes as the Bible calls them) are included as part of entertainment and nothing evil, they add Savannah or Amarulah shots, wow you do the maths.

Now for someone like me who has been drinking (until a Prophet told me to drink half and give the rest to him) in the 50 weeks of a year, at least MWK500,000.00 to MWK1 million annually is invested  again oops in alcohol and entertainment. Add Busy Signal, Sand Festival, Carlsberg Bash and Morgan Heritage and the CD shows, you do the maths.

Its not only the beer partakers, even smokers. One packet, the cheapest is around MWK300.00. Most of us we share and some out a packet a day. This translates to MWK2,100 a week, MWK8,400 a month and a whooping MWK109,200 annual bill of puffing out kwachas.

If you have been doing this, add the dear wife, MG2 and that school girlfriend buying from dead peoples hair to everything, you surely are spending millions annually on your lifestyle. You are a millionaire in any sense.

Now lest go back to Biwi, on average at Vatican chicken and banana seller sales 10 chickens a day, and double that on weekends. At Bwandilo the meat mints money for the boys there. You know now why you are a foolish millionaire.

In 2016, if you cut off number of days of drinking and drink from home, you could buy with MWK200,000 a full solar electricity set that powers your Fridge, TV and you will never be in the dark, add a 5,000 litre water tank so you don’t swear at Waterboards on Facebook, or buy 10 local chickens and breed them home for eating and selling. Of course there is no substitute for a “quickie” yet with a prostitute save for the threat of HIV and Aids or being “caught” with pictures of a high school girl by mother of the house and seeing your “goods” “church elder position” out on the window.

Dzuka Malawi, while we talk everyday of cutting costs by Government, cutting personal costs can go a long way to help us mitigate the economic quagmire we are facing with no hope of mzungu aid. Next time you see me at Biwi, my favourate place, buy me a beer, lets do the cost cutting at home.

By the way, we are still a porn-sharing-nation ooops I mean God fearing, lets congregate again next week.

  • My Malawian of the week: Marie Chikuni or Maries hot sauce, the new all Kambuzi hot chilli. Lets all rush and buy and take it to these drinking and eating places.
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26 thoughts on “Dzuka Malawi: Why we are all foolish millionaires …its personal responsibility that matters”

  1. eluby chikopa says:

    Unfortunately you have left out some few important things as follows:-

    1. Solar gadgets come from China so money will be lost through imports and only Chinese will benefit. If people would be encouraged to drink Malawian beer at least something could come up. Promote “Buy by Malawian” first.

    2. You should appreciate that people who drink do not have it all. This is a simple Economics Principle – Wants are so many but resources few. You can decide not to drink or smoke or fuck bitches but be perennial block. People pay for full bouquet (DSTV), buy expensive perfumes, clothes, rentals, school fees to upper class schools for children to impress neighbours and friends etc.

    3. You have missed out one critical element – what is value of MK100,000.00 or MK1,000,000.00? How much can it buy? Pegged to USD might have no meaning.

    4. You can not invest in shares in Malawi because good shares are held by azungu and companies leaving worst shares which do not pay any meaningful dividend. Banks offer very little interest rate which are below inflation rate. Pension schemes investments are eroded by massive devaluation of the Kwacha.

    Moral of the story you can keep money which is losing value. East it fast until new ways of managing our economy are put in place.

    1. Milkel says:

      Ur inteligent,prety gud coment……pple tend to tink dat drinkin is de only way 1 cn spend a lot………Quite gud analysis……..av luvd it

    2. Salijeni says:

      Just on point. It doesn’t make any more sense to save. You save K10,000,000 today, it’s an equivalent of K5,000,000 tomorrow. Better to blow and enjoy it while it can buy what it can buy. lol

      The author’s analysis would apply well to countries with a stable economy. If we take a look at having the intention to buy solar technology for your home, you save K500,000 in the course of 3 months, come the time you go to the shop 3 months later, you find that the K500,000 you saved is not enough and you cannot buy the product. So it’s like that.

      Now what do you do, spend the little you have. Life is short. kkkk

  2. levelheaded says:

    Congrats Buti. Good writing.

  3. Bikiloni Nachipanti says:

    Nanga za mathanyula simunanenepotu apa.. Sinkhani ya foolish lillionaires nso imeneyi? rich countries do it. Are we rich to condone this foolishness?

  4. zuna zuna says:

    comment reserved, manyazi wawa.

  5. Bololo says:

    Good Advise.
    What people need to know however is that spending in itself is not a problem. Actually, its leisure we need to do after creating more value (money). You know taking out stress, socializing, its good for health and happiness.

    The problem is spending beyond your means and necessities. Spending out of liabilities like loans (this is reversing the natural order: earn first then spend) and/or income generating assets (especially the sale of those assets: this is eating away capital and you will not be able to create value/profits next time).

    Like any company, individuals are financial entities that must ensure assets are used properly to generate maximum profits for growth. As an individual consider yourself as employed in your own business and therefore give yourself a salary depending how much profits you make and how big is your personal business. It has to be a salary you can give someone subcontracted. That’s what you use for secondary things like drinking, ziziri etc. That’s what we should spend like who know we will be alive tomorrow if anything. If you are employed somewhere, consider a big portion of your salary (salary 1) as capital in your self employed business. Use it well and drink from the profits you make on your personal business not from your salary 1.

    DON’T DRINK ALCOHOL IF YOU HAVE’NT EMPLOYED YOURSELF, YOU WILL MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF. SALARY 1 IS NOT FOR DRINKING, IF MISUSED POVERTY BECOMES YOUR FRIEND IN NO TIME.

  6. Kanyimbi says:

    There is sense in the writing.

  7. Joe says:

    Some sense to take note of.

  8. ashly says:

    I have really leant a lot on your article. Keep it up

  9. Chopwichopwi says:

    i did not regret reading your article and i have learnt a few things. i only regret the fact that such a masterpiece was written behind a chigoba.

  10. bona banda says:

    Mwaiwala Zomba. Basiyao, pajokala etc

  11. phunziro says:

    conrats. we have learn something which can improve our lives.

  12. We gonna change the world says:

    The world really needs people like you, for conversion of people from evil malpractices

  13. moffat lungu says:

    I wish we had more people who think like the writer of this article. But surely we can save more. The writer has forgotten about farming to grow your own maize which can prove you more wise and responsible when food prices skyrocket like this time.

  14. KUKHALA says:

    IKU NDE KULEMBA FOR PEOPLE TO READ AND ENJOY.

  15. Nafuti says:

    For a change, this is ‘GREAT!’ Nyasa Times. So enlightening about our foolishness when we are good at bashing politicians about the same. Keep it up!

  16. fried rice says:

    must be nice

  17. Mapopa says:

    You are very right we really spend a lot more than the calculations you have shown the problem with us is that we would like to show off while in real sense we should be making plans for our families and our whole span of life. Good thoughts keep on reminding us.

  18. Ndikutelo says:

    kkkkkkk kulemba kwabwino komano mwaiwala Kachere ku Blantyre.

  19. Mr Dowa says:

    Ali ndi Khutu wanva zomwe mnasi wa nena apazi,pakuti wakutsina khutu ndi Mnasiyo, keep it up Man, this is not time of politics but time of Malawians who knows where we are coming from,kaya ku umphawi kaya ku chuma koma tonse ndife a Malawi tikuyenera kudzuka. Man thaks once again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  20. Dan says:

    Nice one

  21. james says:

    Malawians are hypocrites, nice article

  22. Jah Wrath says:

    Calling a spade a spade. the issues tackled in the article can help many of us save millions if adopted.

  23. kadansana says:

    I like article keep it up

  24. aliko says:

    nice article. you are illuminating to Malawians. continue doing that.

Comments are closed.