Dzuka Malawi: Wishing the President dead

The type of creativity Malawians show when it comes to useless things is incredible. The way we hype rumours, add some salt and juice and then add our creative talents is simply amazing. It would make Donald Trump look like an angel.Dzuka Malawi

For some reason, I was out of town for the first two days of “the president has died rumour” and as such I as a victim of 2,164 “rumour has it” whastapp, facebook and Instagram and normal sms all trying to verify if the President had died.

When I switched on my phone, I even thought I had been appointed a Minister or my private parts were being shared online as the other day some evil mind had downloaded someone who looked like Deputy Minister of Defence Vincent Ghambi and claimed he was the one.

So within a week of trying to get Ghambi from his Cabinet position with full vigour and sharing of pornography, when his wife clearly saw the equipment was not his and therefore the story was fake, we went for the President.

I will not waste time blaming the Presidents contingent of communications team comprised of Mgeme Kalirani, Dr. Bright-not-so-Bright Molande, Justice Mponda, Slyvester Namiwa, Gloria Masanza, Chikondi Juma and another two in IT, then another battalion marshalled by Malisen Ndau and PS Justin Saidi and add MBC plus party cadets. If you add Vice Presidents star Zodiak interviewer Pilirani Phiri whose boss is now Acting President you are looking at close to 200 people employed by the President and his administration to deal with communications but failing to communicate.

Any who said it is easy to communicate. When you intend to lie, make sure you are very good at lying- its easy for public lies to catch up. Lesson for the communications teams.

Now back to our wishing the President to die. The wish came from professed Christians and Muslim, and the Public Affairs Committee instead of just calling the Presidents advisor whom they have contacs with, they decided to play in the media. Some cheap shots.

What captured my mind was the imagination and creation of the lies. Very perfect, they had the name of the alleged hospital in New York, when the President was in Washington, they even included the number of alleged doctors attending to the President. Then they produced cartoons and other caricatures depicting what was going on. Then spent time and airtime which is bought with cash to spread the rumour.

Phew! Imagine if we were all excited and worked up to find solutions to electricity as we are peddling rumours and gossip, we should have electricity mbwe mbwe mbwe.

Imagine if we could create a naked Deputy Minister, fly him into New York when he was in Malawi, then apply such innovation to create means of addressing perennial food shortages by creatively finding means of transporting water from rivers to farms- we should have gotten billions from exports especially this year.

Imagine if every Malawian was keen to share and work on an idea, create some message of positivity from health to encouraging communities do more to support girl education, end early marriages or even stop sex and crime, Malawi should have been the really great warm heart of Africa.

But we are miserable lot. All of us, that we are good at wishing each other dead, sick or fermenting trouble for others. We shout when Vice President is quite and we try to fault find him politically when he speaks.

We are happy to create uncertainty about our own country, first to insult our country and despite giving us a peaceful chance and opportunities that have seen us grow, we still feel obliged to insult Malawi, to propagate hate and indeed for many to simply steal and rip it off.

Gone are the days of Malawians who thought of how to progress through hard work. No wonder today everyone wants to join politics and get rich. When we go into Government we get so selfish and loot all public resources that the thin cow becomes pure bones.

Why have suddenly Malawians become so heartless so as to wish each other dead. Yet day in and day out you profess to be a God fearing nation.

I wont back the idea that Government silence contributed to rumour mongering, no that’s very weak excuse, gossip and rumour mongering are our national identity. We spend millions of productive hours on whatsapp, facebook and even telephone calls to gossip and share useless things.

It is sad even Zimbabwe is beating us in terms of per capita income, even Swaziland. We are the poorest peaceful country in the world, yet nobody seems to be affected. We still cant find solutions to basic challenges including food despite abundant natural waters, electricity despite heat and heated areas along the Lake shore and Lower shire. We are hopeless.

Just join whatsapp or facebook group, lazy minds gossiping the whole day, crying about problems and very few solutions posted. You even wonder if some work at all, the post 24 hours as if they are in developing country where WiFi is free.

Dzukani  a Malawi. Use the internet to acquire knowledge and creativity to boost you well being. Spending millions of hours on social media groups does not improve your life outlook, it only increases your bitterness, that you become the champion of rumour mongering, gossip and indeed wishing the President dead. The bitterness in you will kill you, start looking for personal growth.

After all, we will all die, doesn’t matter who goes first, what matters is you on earth having created your own quality of life. I wish we were more creative in making Malawi a better place!

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25 thoughts on “Dzuka Malawi: Wishing the President dead”

  1. al bashir says:

    Stupid piece of writing!!!

  2. oikonda says:

    i dont really agree with the article. He is failing to tell us the source of the was the responsibility of the government to clarify on what is happening to our wasnt our responsility to call them and ask..but they are paid to give us credible information..this gap was the cause of rumour make up..not that we are lot

  3. Chisale says:

    Who art thou to censure the populace in such manner? Have you read the Economist’s article on this issue? Bottom line is: The dude invited this on himself. As you point out, this could have easily been averted altogether. But typical of our leaders, they thrive on opaqueness. As despicable as the rumours might be, don’t laud executive arrogance by calling out citizens. Most Malawians are well meaning people working hard to get by. Rumors express the collective psyche and popular sentiment. This virulence evidently reifies the the underlying socio-politico context. Rather than deflecting guilt on the citizenry, advise the dude to seriously soul search and do the needful to be cast in better light .

  4. mercy thindwa says:

    100% fact

  5. be humane says:

    Very true, A Malawi timakana chilungamo. We are spending useful time on silly whatsapping and waste a lot of the little struggled money on foolish roumour mongering and silly whatsapp chats. Make a cost analysis of time wasted and money wasted then later complain of poverty. Poor Malawian apa mukukana making such self analysis and pretend as if its a justified expense. its not. Many people today spend a lot of their time behind a cvomputer in office as if they are working when they are just on facebook is that productivity? Time to change thats why Trump says Africans are lazy and what they know is Sex. I strongly agree to these sentiments. Africa needs recolonization kuti tichangamuke

  6. Munkoyo says:

    This is a stupid article!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Dengulanga says:

    This is the first critical article Nyasa Times has published that makes a lot of sense. Malawians are amazing people. They spend a lot of resources on gossip, bringing each other down, rumour mongering rather than spend the same time to think of solutions to their problems. For example, lately, we have complained incessantly about ESCOM. Why not just some small business and buy solar so that your bills are small and little by little ESCOM becomes irrelevant to your life.

    For a fact, government is irrelevant to your livelihood worse still politicians in the name of politicians. They are all thieves and whether they are alive or dead, palibe angakuchitireni.Just focus on your life, stop rumour mongering and develop yourself. Can you imagine the amount of money people spend at Bwandiro or Kamba/Zodetsa if they spent it on chipiriganye to buy solar pannels so that ESCOM is irrelevant in their life. Have people looked at their expenditure on airtime they buy to make commentary on EPL commenting on people they have never met and don’t matter to their lives. This country is sick and we do need serious mind shift if it is going to develop and unfortunately all of us think government will develop it. HELL NO!!!It is the individuals that develop a country. Why are Burundians that came to this country with nothing are prospering? It is because they work hard and spend their time on thinking about how to better their lives in a foreign land. Peter Wamutharika is never going to buy you food or pay your school children’s school fees. It is you and your lazy ass that has to do this.


  8. HE the Life President Mfuti Kasinja? says:

    When somebody is pronounced dead before he dies, it smells bad omen, Michael Yekha was pronounced dead and he died sooner or later, Kachamba was pronounce dead and he sang anthu abodza akuti Kachamba wafa and he died soon after. So circulating that the president has died is tantamount to coup de tat and the origin should be investigated and be hanged for treason

  9. Charlie Hebdo says:

    First the president is elected to lead the Nation, to solve our problems. It is the job he took on his free will. He was not forced. He had to campaign for it and he knew exactly what that job entailed. He is given all the freebies to ensure that his citizens are living a better life. He is given the powers to appoint the right people in the right positions. You can’t solve problems by putting wrong people in wrong places as the situation is right now. These people are only after their survival. He has himself to blame and you cannot blame people for not providing solutions when he has the power to get the right people just to do that. The 16 million plus Malawians cannot all be advisers to the president. That is why we employed him. If he had the right people at ESCOM or Ministry of Energy & Mining don’t you think they would have helped alleviate some of the electricity problems the country is facing? If he had the right people in the Ministry of Information or on his entourage, don’t you think they would have properly advised him the need to have Malawians updated on his whereabouts?

    Yes Malawians can help but that is voluntary and also depends whether the government will accept any suggestions of solutions to problems the country is facing. Same goes for the opposition. The government will never take advice from the opposition. Why? The opposition will take credit if it works. It is like campaigning for the opposition while de-campaigning the government itself.

    1. Malawian says:

      Charlie, did these dunderheads require you to tell them the obvious? They want us to be doing their work when they are also eating our taxes? When they are making the situation tougher and togher for us everyday? We pay so much tax but our kids are not in college. What really went into the minds of those few naughty Malawians to put in these fakes for leaders? My Malawi!!

  10. Concerned Citizen says:

    “Why have suddenly Malawians become so heartless so as to wish each other dead. Yet day in and day out you profess to be a God fearing nation”.

    1. NJIRA YA MTANDA says:

      my brother the death of APM is the only immediate solution to the mess we are in now, are you a Malawian or an alien? I bet this guy is not coming back alive, this delaying strategy is just for protocol as u know a president’s death is not just communicated to people as the death of a rat

  11. Chabuduka says:

    But we need to do that when there is hope from quality leadership not nepotists whereby even if you work hard they will just squander your sweat

  12. Kanchenga says:

    Indeed we can only imagine because we are a resource that should be used by government but we are left idle. Now Mr Dzuka have you ever gone to the bank with a brilliant idea only to be turned down for lack of collateral. May be I need to be practical with you. I will start from the Lhomwe triangle. Kamuzus government realised that the area is a potential fruit production area. He used government money to establish Mulanje peak products. Our shops were full of those products. Then he brought SUCOMA and a small holding authority beside it to involve the local community of the Sena area. The lower lake basic had Mpheta rice scheme as focal point in development. The central region being generally fertile and varied was supposed to be the king pin of an agriculture based economy. So he brought in the Lilongwe Land Development project which encouraged the locals to take advantage of a growing capital city and produce to make money by feeding the small city. While those more progressive farmers trained by large commercial holdings were encouraged by government to grow tobacco for the auction markets in Limbe and Lilongwe maize for storage in Lilongwe at Kanengo. The north was opened in Mbalachanda for the same purpose. The Henga valley Hara areas were opened. Dr Banda realised that the youth who dropped out of school should be deployed in these schemes in an organised manner. Hence the league of Malawi youth that trained these youth in various skills. Unity of purpose being the ingredient of development needed to be taken care of. People needed to think as Malawian not Yao tumbuka lomwe or chewa. So mixed marriages were encouraged beside promoting single language nation concept. From this picture you can see that a lot of man power was required to manage these activities and school was of paramount importance. Graduates were assimilate straight into production. There was high demand for young educated men in all spheres. So if we want to stop rumour mongering we must development a deliberate policy to engage this creative minds with deliberate government project financing. Big agricultural irrigation schemes along the lake to feed the nation not spending billions paying for a useless president sunbathing in America.

    1. Chabuduka says:

      SPOT ON

    2. Voyeur says:

      If only u could learn that the Kamuzu model woulnt fit in modern era!!! Was that man democratic when he innitiated these ‘projects’?????? An honest answer to this will make u realise its not a model you can easily empliment these days

  13. kalimalima says:

    palembedwa za nzerutu apa…thanx boss for the enlightment

  14. Well crafted piece. Kudos Rudo…we got to be more creative on significant stuff…on the other hand tax payers need transparency on how their hard earned money is being spent. Wishing the president dead wont get us to where we need to be…presidents come and go…but problems will still be there.they come in different shapes n kind…its up to us to creatively find long lasting solutions to the problems we currently have rather than bullying each other up.

  15. Making Sweet Love says:

    “We still cant find solutions to basic challenges including food despite abundant natural waters, electricity despite heat and heated areas along the Lake shore and Lower shire. We are hopeless.”

    That is the reason we want Pitala dead. He is the main road block to our development Rudo Toriro, in case your blind loyalty blinds you from noticing that.

    If he can spend billions of kwachas willy nilly on unexplained holiday to USA, you still expect our country to develop? You must be high on ganja. Foolish you, don’t write your stupid articles again.

  16. mudzalila says:

    Well said. I know a certain family who spends hours on whatsapp only to castigate other members of the family and yet day in and day out they profess to be God fearing people! What a shame.WIFI in Malawi is not free yet people spends hours{do they work at all} gossiping and talk about Shit really. But then there is cashgate! Please leave God out of your evil deeds.People can see through you.We know you only use the name of God to mask your evil deeds.Nobody gives a shit whether you like other people and hate others. Get a life.On that note I hope the President is not dead and if he is so what we are all going to die one day.

  17. kasim says:

    Can’t stop pipo from speculating about their president unexplained absence

    1. Voyeur says:

      Certainly the people themselves can tame their appetite for gossip. Especially the evil death wishes

  18. kasim says:

    Whether you are a Mr or Mrs or ms tario. Your presentation is fine as far as English and choice of words is concerned but I don’t agree on accusation that Malawian are miserably lot who are bent on rumour mongering. My friend where structures are okay and communication channels are properly outlined you wouldn’t expect such misinformation. The problem is that pipe think Peter is a tribal leader and a national leader. You can’t blame pipo from speculating about the absence and understand explained absence of their president

    1. Voyeur says:

      The general observation is TRUE. Malawians are a bunch of sad and clueless ppo. If you dont agree search on this page and you will find how many musicians, artists and politicians have unparatably been reported dead. If we cant accept the writer’s viewpoint we will remain a sorry collection of imbecile idiots that have no hope of developing.

  19. George says:

    I support you

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