PATRICIA KALIATI NDI WA THOBVU!!

THOBVU is foam in English.

Foam is a mass of small bubbles formed in or on a liquid.

This mass of small bubbles evaporates with time.

People who are associated with foam (thobvu) are the ones who make a lot of noise but with little substance, in the end they calm down without any real message being sent across to the keen listener, just like foam or thobvu can look so massive in a bath tab and finally disappear in the thin air.

They make their noise while the brainy and the hard workers are busy toiling.

The Timau Crew has no any other word with which to describe Malawi’s Minister of Information and Civic Education other than calling her wa ‘THOBVU’.

CONFLICT OF INTEREST

The Timau crew knows Hon. Patricia Kaliati on an eye to eye basis from Nkando.

We have restrained ourselves from making stern comments on the the Minister either positively or otherwise but based on the Chichewa proverb, "mubvi woyang’anila suchedwa kulowa m’maso"(small things grow) our attitude has changed.

We feel the Honorable Minister should be brought before Pontius Pilate for judgment in connection with some matters concerning her professionalism in her job.

We do not want to come back and sing songs of sorrow one day when she (Kaliati) will be weeping while ourselves hidden in dark corners and saying, "tinkadziwatu ife" (we knew) as most people have narrated the phrase several times before.

Fine, so what, "tinkadziwa ife" and why not help a person ‘madzi adakali nkhosi’(when things are not yet serious).

It is a game of take it or leave it. We do not know which side of the pillow you are leaning on Madam.

THE MINISTRY

Mache, as Edward Chitsulo (editor of the Nation) calls you, being Minister of information and by extension government spokesperson is a sensitive job.

You need to convey yourself in a highly proficient manner.

Dr. Kamuzu Banda, the most respected leader of Malawi, kept this ministry (information) with an eagle’s eye, infact it was in most circumstances under his armpit.This eagle’s eye, chose Mfunjo Mwanjasi Mwakikunga to politically head the ministry.

Brown Mpinganjira, a trained broadcaster, was the first person to head the ministry in a multiparty era.

University product and a writer, Sam Mpasu had his play time at the ministry as well.

Scholar and one time in-charge of journalists in two popular news papers Daily Times and The Nation, Dr. Ken Lipenga, had his feast at the ministry too.

Mache, you do not match in anyway to the above candidates on Timau crew’s interview list.

With the above people’s CV’s on our table, we can not even shortlist you for the job of Minister of Information for this land locked country which depends on Mozambique for most of its sea consignments.

Kumango finya kolona (stick to your cross) as Luscious Banda sang in his song "kalata yachiwiri kwa malume" and Madam,thank God that you are there.

PROFESSIONALISM

Some ministries need to be headed by professionals, politically or administratively.

How did Muluzi single out Edda Chitalo to be Minister of lands and Surveys , funny, not so?

What does Edda know about surveying or estate management?

This is the same question we are asking today, what is happening at the ministry of Information?

Most people are fond of erasing history. UDF tried it on Kamuzu.

The Timau crew is saying NO! History should always be there.

The history we are divulging now is not in our filling cabinets but in the archives of our brains (Timau Crew’s brains)

Here we go with the forgoten works of some hardworking Malawians.

Instead of making negative remarks on members of the press, calling Nyasa Times reporters, 'achamba, achiwerewere’ (Indian hemp smokers and prostitutes) Brown James Mpinganjira, popularly known as BJ in the political echelons, a professional broadcaster, did the undone when he was minister of information.

He might have his political shortfalls.

The man might have committed his conjugal calamities but as a professional at the now Kaliati’s ministry, BJ worked for Malawians.

Analibe thobvu ( he did not foam) to members of the press , in actual fact, he had nothing to do with them, if he did yes, the political specks ought to have been there.

In essence, BJ concentrated on enhancing the information systems of our country, Malawi.

The Timau crew shall always borrow this African expression "jealous down" and bearing in mind that the shortest verse in the bible is John 11:35 ...Jesus wept.

The shortest expression in the Ministry of Information is, BJ worked.

Talk of the first mobile phone in Malawi, not just Malawi but even some of our neighboring countries, they came to know about cell phones aMalawi tili nazo kale ( when Malawians already had them) BJ, submit your comment below and tell them .

Dr. Kamuzu Banda and MCP kept one radio station for propaganda reasons..

The country had no Television in the hope of blindfolding Malawians.

Guess who took Malawians out of this bondage , BJ. As who ? Minister of Information and Broadcasting. The same ministry Hon. Kaliati is making enemies with members of the press.

Do not erase history.

MBC should be the last to rebuke Mpinganjira.

There was one radio channel, BJ is now being quoted by the Timau Crew as having said at the broadcasting house itself (BH), " its channel two but since you want it as radio two we will leave it like that".

Since then how many radio stations have come up? Many. That was BJ at work. Osati THOBVU!!!

Who was the architect of Television Malawi? Was it not the same BJ as Minister of Information.

The ground work was his brainchild.

Today, Malawians Akunyauda ndi TV (Malawians are enjoying with TV).

Never erase history, to all sober minded Malawians BJ is the only Minister of Information who actually worked professionally for his country . Wina Ndani ( who else, comment below and prove the Timau crew wrong) Ngati kuli kuba, awa sakuba? ku Dubai bwa, but what have we benefited out of that as a country, at least with BJ kuba or not Malawians benefited the following , radio stations, TVM and cellphones.

The above reasons force us to say that some ministries need professional people.

People who have got their fingers on the job, not political plants or figureheads.

What we want are political seeds planted by politicians which shall grow and benefit all Malawians.

Osati THOBVU basi, kutukwana Nyasa Times.(not wasting time castigating Nyasa Times)

MINISTRY OF TOURISM.

Mache, the Timau crew thinks that the best ministry for you is Tourism.

You really performed while there and you even got some gifts from Dubai.

Don’t you think you regret losing that ministry? (Tourism)

Madam, you were the first Tourism minister to shake up the hotel industry in Malawi.

Rest-houses, restaurants and bars were put on the right track.

We are assuring you that you shall also go down in the history of Malawi as the only minister who worked at the Tourism ministry.

Go back to His Excellency (HE) on your bended knees and beg him to give you back the Tourism ministry.

The shortest verse in this ministry is , Patricia worked.

Get it back now and you will be freed from quarreling with Nyasa Times.

Leave the information ministry to the likes of BJ.

ZOSIYILANA (THEY COME TO PASS)

When former MBC quiz master Brigtson Kalilani wrote the lyrics of the song ‘Zosiyilana’ and eventually sang by Love Aquarius little did he know that one day there shall be a Patrica Kaliati in Malawi’s political history.

Maybe, Kaliati was not even at Blantyre Teachers Training College (BTTC) when Kalilani wrote the words for that song, chances are she might have still been reading William Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice to pass her School certificate examinations, that is if the Hon. Minister is of the Merchant of Venice age anyway.

In true sagacity, Kalilani when composing ‘Zosiyilana’ knew that there was Albert Andrew Muwalo Nqumayo, Gwanda Chakuamba, Aleke Banda, John Tembo and the Lion himself and he proudly put together chichewa lines and sent a strong message to people that ‘inu achimwene zinthu zonsezi ndi zosiyilana, apa pali chuma apa pali nyumba zosiyilana’(houses, weath, all come to pass).

Zosiyilana.

Mache, one day you shall need Nyasa Times.

You shall need Nyasa Times to vomit your frustration as your colleagues who have been in your position have done a million times to members of the press.

Zikhale Ng’oma, Uladi Mussa they all have had the share of the cake. Zosiyilana!!

Mache, sima Judas Iscariot aja inu!! ( are you not Judas Iscariot—trying to betray Bingu).

Now that you have brought us back to standard three B (3B) through your press conferences for lessons, we are becoming knowledgeable.

Wait until we put our evidence together as it is how you want it to be happening (as per your press conference) and we shall expose all the Judas Iscariot of the Bingu Administration, yourself inclusive.

CUP OF TEA.

Hon. Minister, during your press conference where you exposed the stupidity of Nyasa Times, you told journalist and through them the entire nation that the owner of Nyasa Times is Mr. Msowoya, (maybe that is why you had CIA,KGB people like on your press conference).

Now listen, the English respect a cup of tea.

Why not have a chat over a cup of tea with a Mr. Msowoya whom you claim to be the owner of Nyasa Times and map up the way forward instead of holding press conferences marred with corrosive language.

You may be interested if we add to your vocabulary the words ‘contact and dialog’.

CABINET AND DPP POLITBURO

Madam Kalaiti, you are a teacher by profession and hence you have done psychology,whether child psychology or not ‘pfungo ndi limodzi ‘ (its all one).

Don't you think your friends are playing the witty on you?

They know Patricia Kaliati ndi wa THOBVU, so they they praise you deliberately during cabinet and Politburo meetings so that akagwidwa kuchiwerewere, (doing sex out side wedlock) akabela boma ( caught in corrupt activities) and exposed by Nyasa Times , they should come to you so that you should humiliate reporters of Nyasa Times to cover up their sins.

That is how clever your collegues are. Anapita kusukulutu! (they are educated)

They know Patricia kaliati ndiwa thobvu , zimusalila yekha!! ( everything shall rest on Patricia Kaliati) That is how smart your counterparts are.

Wosamangodya nawo. (do not just dine with them)

Nyasa Times loves you Patricia, now we are telling you the truth.

Some of the stories about you come from your own friends and subordinates.

Not all praises are genuine as in the saying not all that glitters is gold.

EDITORIAL POLICY

The reason why you are not fit in this ministry (information) is because you luck vitamins in journalism principles.

Madam, you do not understand editorial policies of newspapers.

Nyasa Times has published stories in full praise of Bingu Mutharika through this column.

This story will also pass through the same editorial team and yet the Timau Crew has praised you in some parts but nothing will be edited because the editorial team of Nyasa times are not stooges, so how have the owners of this on-line news been bought by Bakili Muluzi?

Does Bakilil Muluzi not have other things to do with his money other than buying people and Nyasa Times.

Why dont you and Bingu buy Nyasa Times?

That is why the Timau Crew is pleading with you to go back to Tourism ministry before you commit a sack-able offence in this sensitive ministry.

Dr Kamuzu Banda never had an eagle’s eye on the Tourism ministry so it fits you as it does not have many dismissible activities..

OPPOSITION HEADLINES

A friend of the Timau Crew who is a lecture in one of the Universities in the United Kingdom called Meja, real name withheld for security and confidentiality reasons, thinks like Patricia kaliati.

Naye ndiwa thobvu (he is part of the foam group).

Each time he e-mails or phones a member of the Timau Crew his question is one. Why does the Nyasa Times not publish headlines about Muluzi and John Tembo.

Meja and Patricia Kaliati! What news is there from the dead?

These people( Muluzi and Tembo) are in the opposition, what significant stories can come and make headlines out of them.

The press is the watchdog of government anywhere in the world.

If all newspapers including Nyasa Times were to sing praises for DPP and sky praise Patricia of matching beautiful clothes and that she is the most beautiful female minister Malawi has ever seen , will that be doing any good to our country.

What will a nyachimbilima at Kawaza village in Rumphi district benefit from rocketing DPP.Zinakanika ndi Kamuzu. (it failed with Kamuzu)

We went into raptures over him and a nyachavula at chirambo village remained poor.

Patricia kaliati ndi wa thobvu.

Sober up and look at Nyasa Times positively.

It is there to act as a check to the government.

At the same time good things about government also come out of Nyasa Times.

Thobvu Mache, akupwetekani ndi anzanu mukudya nawo. ( the people you dine with shall destroy you)

Timau Crew and Nyasa Times are your best friends for we tell you of the danger in advance.

Indeed, if I were Patricia Kaliati I would swallow my pride and make Friends with The Nyasa Times, if not at least a member of the Timau Crew.

Udzatifuna !!Thobvuuuuuuuuuu Patricai Kaliati.

W love UUUUUUUUUUUUU---Madam kaliati

This article is dedicated to all journalists who have suffered under the Patricia kaliati regime.

sembegondwe@yahoo.com