Ha ha ha! My milestones Malawi style

You always hate this. You always love this. Sometimes you don’t even know where you stand, just like me. But whatever the case, this is our country. Our nation. Our Malawi. And we all have to say something when we are happy, angry, just serene useless and where we are feeling great to be the sons and daughters of the Flames nation.
My milestones may not be in your thought line, and am not being apologetic for this. You have yours and so you may go town on those. These are mine, and am sharing this with those who desire to be shared with.Masinga HA  HA HA
And if you can’t stand it, then better shoo off, walk away, brother. Yes, skip away, sister!
1. Coronation of Inkosi Ya Makhosi M’mbelwa V:
This is perhaps this year’s greatest event, culturally. And the pleasing stuff is that in a nation where tribalism and nepotism seem to be the order of the day, the event managed to pool together various tribes within across the Malawi boundaries.
The Mulhakho were there and showcased their dance. So were the Chewa’s with their mysteriousGule Wamkulu. The Ngonde, Tumbuka, and the Tonga were there as well. So many tribes were there, making this indeed a uniting traditional ceremony.
The beauty of it all, is that Ngoni’s transcend both local and international boundaries. That is why our young handsome Inkosi Gomani of Ntcheu was there, full in Ngoni regalia. And across the divide, there also stood a great supportive cultural pillar, Ngoni Paramount Chief Mpezeni from Zambia – he who did the cultural honors on our equally young handsome Nkhosi Jere, now King of Ngoni kings in Malawi – Inkosi ya Makhosi M’mbelwa V.
Despite the border wrangle with neighbouring Tanzania, Inkozi Zulu Gama from ‘Tanganyika’ was present overriding political cross-cutters.
It is also exciting to learn that even former president from Zambia, Rupiah Banda, was present at the occasion. How enchanting!
Ngoni’s are found across Malawi and it should be a shame for anyone to try and put a cutting knife within this uniting tribe. How I wish all other tribes behaved in this unifying form!
What is more, the young 29-year-old eMzimba King has put up a sizable and well-endowed – culturally – advisory team. Dean Lungu, Judge Sunduzawo Madise, Peter Nkosi, Dan Jere, and Dr. Felix Jere are amongst Malawi’s best sons in the Ngoni quarters.
Phamberi eMzimba. A uniting factor indeed!
2. Teresa Namathanga Senzani:
On number two as one of the latest great events in Malawi, madam former principal secretary at the ministry of tourism may be bound for jail, and three years, for a 50-year old woman, may sound just as harsh.
But hey, when she eyes-wide open decided to dip her tiny neat fingers into government coffers, yes, taking to her fancy all those millions, she must have known what repercussions would be breathing hot on her neck. A jail term, of course, but as it were, three years is just too little if one draws to mind how many people died, or became handicapped, or starved, or failed to attain a descent education (like the once she probably had?), etc.
I empathize with her, for sure. As jail is not place to go smiling into. Just as a few minutes of a Kanengo Cell dwelling was a tough eye-opener for the midnight six, nobody lobes that place. But is this not going to be a good deterrent if the sentence was, say, 14 years? Money-laundering and….. Oh my God!
I have heard of people incarcerated for 14 years for stealing a goat. I have heard of people spending three years for stealing a chicken. And how much does a single goat or chicken cost, and how much damage does that do to Malawi’s economy? Very minor.
So tell me once again, Madam Teresa should not be bothering us with her lawyers for a bail conditionality. If anything, Judge Ivy Kamanga may have been thinking of a fellow woman. And I am woman, but how many babies died due to lack of proper medical care due to Cash-gate? And Teresa played her big role in the scam.
Hey Judge Ivy, this is not about gender balance or equity, whatever. This is about the law.
And perhaps the LAW IS INDEED AN ASS. It’s not Judge Ivy’s fault. It is the fault of the law makers. That group of idiots sitting in the Chamber who think stealing a goat is more disastrous to Malawi than is stealing billions of taxpayers’ money.
You know, Teresa and others must be the yardstick to that dance. We want justice, no matter how the two matchona’s pronounce it.
That is take two milestone for me – Teresa’s arrest. A flat deterrent!
3. Appointment of new ACB boss, Lucas Kondowe:
APM has done it again. He has appointed another young brand into some vitreous top office at the Anti-Corruption Bureau. He is no other than Lucas Kondowe, that plain young gentlemen with qualifications that hit the ceiling.
That is my milestone three.
My advice to young Lucas is that APM is old, and may not be looking at the whole picture as far as the ACB and Cash-gate and other serious issues now under your watch are concerned. Look, there is Cash-gate under the watch of Joyce Banda in her two-year fancy leadership.
That sister woke up some day and discovered there was a big scam milking the national heifer skinny. Hey whether JB is part and parcel of the scam, which is why you have been brought about as a professional, to lead your investigators and oil that creaky old ACB to life.
We need discoveries, we need arrests and we do need prosecutions, not persecutions. Political or otherwise. We need the best we can get for redress. We need patriotism and not partisanship tricks.
So here is a tip, Atcheya of the first multiparty dispensation has a case to answer. We need you on that one. Akweni has a case in tourism to answer. We need you on that one. Goodall has a case to answer, apparently several including the one where houses were bought the ‘who-is-there?’ way. We need your good action.
And what is more exciting? Your appointer, yes President Arthur Peter Mutharika has cases to answer, the Lilongwe City Council (LCC) and Malawi Housing Corporation (MHC) houses scan, and we need you to work with your graft busting partners to sort this out. We also have the MK92 billion under the watch of the late Bingu wa Mutharika, yes, Atcheya’s economic miracle boy, that we also need you to sort out.
And did I also hear one Chakwera had some oiling to his campaign from some Cash-gate related dosh? We need investigations and all that. This is national rehabilitation, healing, reconstructing, my dear Lucas!
Now listen carefully, it will not do you any good looking the other way round when all these issues and numerous others are already out there on the big screen, with millions of Malawians of all walks of life and donors in watch. Live up to your credentials, yes, and the America and local experiences to your name – we want fruits out of your punch.
Do it for mother Malawi, forget partisan treatment. We trust in you Lucas! And congratulations, we know you will kick ass and butt just the way it should be. I envy you…
A not so sure development!
4. Flames, Flames, Flames, and more Flames:
Whoever decided that Malawi rightfully meant Flames and therefore our beloved nickname should be THE FLAMES, might have had the whole this wrong? He or she must be cursing now.
His was a good measure. A great coinage. A great reference and rightfully honourable an eke-name for the nation of ‘scorchers’. Flames rightfully describes us.
But some people have got it all wrong. So flames they are putting up everywhere. Flames in markets. Flames in banks, flames in houses, flames in shops, flames in vehicles, flames in churches, flames at filling stations, flames everywhere.
I will not be surprised that since we are a nation of FLAMES, the next thing we get is Lake Malawi, Shire River, Mulanje Mountain, Nyika Plateau, and oh yes our under-wears all going up in FLAMES!
Beware State Houses!
5. Thieves, thieves and more thieves:
It is not just my thinking, but thieves are getting on my nerves and those of the police who are dragging the army into it. They are getting on the nerves of Saulos Klaus ‘Tchilima’ and hell yes they are getting their dirty hands into churches, faith organizations, and everywhere they can get their scabbed hands into.
Somewhat am not surprised. Life has in the past few months suddenly turned even tougher. Everything is going up. Tenants are raising rentals like malaria temperatures. Minibus fairs are skyrocketing. School fees is beyond almost everyone’s reach. Water is gone up and so has electricity bills.
Firewood and charcoal are follow-suiting and hey, fuel remains at a high tide.
Talk of farm input, they are almost inconceivable. Then there is cement and iron sheets which should be universally subsidized as campaigned during the run up to May 20th tripartite elections still hard for many to get.
Everything is too much and becoming too expensive.
Even girlfriends have hiked their upkeep take from boyfriends and sugar-daddies, sending them to prostitutes who anyway have also hiked their wares and are willing to lay plain in the process increasing the rate threat of HIV and AIDS in the banana kingdom.
The donors, backed by OPC, have also almost removed all allowances to meetings, conferences, and field work escapades. There is simply no money in people’s pockets and no money being shared as is expected of a thriving economy.
The banks are mean with their loans, and some have hidden some small text conditionality that are used to milk account holders and bank users. Even auto-tellers have their way of milking the unsuspecting.
MPs are stealing from taxpayers in broad-daylight, hiking their monetary takes at every bat of the eyelid. So are stupid Councillors who are daily trying to join into the frenzy by demanding what they knew was not on the plate during the campaign.
Now tell me, will you be surprised if thieves and more thieves are finding their way onto the national scene?
Kodi mpakana akachite kuba ku Plot No. 1 and kill the resident there that we shall recognize the vicious circle and do something about it?
Number 5 milestone makes me so sick!
So finally, in conclusion, my milestones aren’t your milestones. But let’s call a spade a spade. Can you not see yourself in any of these sickies?
God bless and heal Malawi!
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7 thoughts on “Ha ha ha! My milestones Malawi style”

  1. madalitso chilombo chilombo says:

    kodi inu atumbuka ma robborts takudziwitsani posachedwapa lero mukuzipopa. kukadzabwera chindindindi osadzatifuna…

  2. Koma m’kwazi walemba wukoma zedi uyu! When you write again, pliz tell malawians that
    they should forget seeing any “big fish in the net”. APM is deliberately giving his
    fishermen a net-mesh with large holes. What a selective mesh! Zoona omphawife ndife tizifera kuno ku Chichiri prison?

  3. jessy mtila banda says:

    ha ha ha they are my milestones too. you know patricia, we need such type of writings. writings of facts and purpose not nosence bra braring

  4. CHEWA FEDERAL FRONT_(CFF) says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha!
    With the academics’ “debate” looming ever larger & the apparent SUCCESS of the Quota System I expected you to end with:
    “God bless Nyika Republic”.
    Interesting you say “LAW IS INDEED AN ASS” & that prostitutes have hiked their “wares”. You even talk about “PLAIN”.
    Author, “Ass”? Prostitutes’ “wares”? “Plain”? You are so Free!!
    With this “Freedom” Mzuzu can easily become Africa’s Bangkok. You know what I mean.
    Viva Nyika Republic!
    Ok No! No! Nyika Republic? No! We have landless Chewa farmers who must trans-migrate to Mbalachanda, Kafukule, Kabwafu, er…, wherever there is good arable land. Mzuzu, with its “wares”, will still become Africa’s Bangkok while in Malawi. SORRY, we need land.

  5. chekambewa says:

    ambwenumbwenu go and rest ife titenge mipandoyo inu mukucheza ndi apusi mmapiri aja komaso akatundu anu onse munyamule kupitisa ku nyika land

  6. Nyapapi says:

    Pano mwalembako zanzeru amai inu! Osangoti daily daily Joyce Banda this! Ehhh Peter Mutharika that!

  7. MAKANDE says:

    ANZATHU AMBWENU MBWENU AKAPUME KWA FARAO AWA ! NANGA INU 50 YEARS NO AIRPORT NO STADIUM NO ROADS QUOTA MKATI ?? CHILUNGAMO AMATERO ??? BAIBULO OR QUORAN YAKE YITI ???

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