Letter from Lusaka: Muckraking Xtra

Late Sata with Malawi's former president Bakili Muluzi

Late Sata with Malawi’s former president Bakili Muluzi

Dear Malawians,

I greet you, good neighbours, with hot tears in my eyes.

Although our government initially tried to hide the illness of His Excellency the President Michael Chilufya Sata, when Lusaka realised the inevitable may happen, it quickly owned up and announced that our dear leader was under the weather and was  being evacuated abroad for medical attention.

 When King Cobra, as the abrasive guy was fondly known, breathed his last in London, Lusaka promptly made an official announcement. The Cabinet did not only stop at that; it made sure there was smooth transfer of power and the Vice President, Guy Scott, was immediately sworn-in as  President.

 Of course there are constitutional issues to contend with but at least we did not have any ‘Mid Night Six’ crooks trying to circumvent the Constitution.

 But rewind to April 5, 2012. When you guys were visited by a similar misfortune, you not only tried to hide the obvious; you, like comedians, tried to beat life back into your president. You only succeeded in breaking the poor guy’s ribs! How callous!

 That you desecrated the cadaver of the poor guy was not enough for you; you even post-humously assigned a pseudonym to your dear leader and  flew his  decomposing cadaver  to a military hospital in South Africa to give yourselves room to massage your Constitution to frustrate the smooth transfer of power.

 Your machinations never worked, of course, but you only ended up confusing your historians from recording properly when exactly your dear leader died. No one, even Jesus of Nazareth, dies on more than one date. But your guy, according to the cynical folks that you are, died not on one, not on two but he died on three different dates! What nonsense is that!

 Please, do not do that again; it is not funny, trust me!

Tearfully concerned,

Wisi Boy,

Cairo Road,

Lusaka,

Zambia

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34 thoughts on “Letter from Lusaka: Muckraking Xtra”

  1. kholowa mkabudula says:

    …..Bola anzathu aku Zambia mukulamulidwa ndi mzungu, ife tikungokhalila kulamulidwa ndi anthu, omwe ndi ozikonda adyela, oonela chuma ku ukulu, osowa chikondi kwa anthu amasiye ndi ovutika, ankhanza……….Hopefully he can understand english and communicate with his fellow whites and say no to arv’s so men shouldn’t emulate breasts, kuno athuwa ndi yes bwana basi while we are perishing!

  2. In the eyes of the beholder says:

    Well here is another way of looking at what happened in Zambia vs what happened in Malawi. When Sata left Zambia, the cabinet chose the minister of justice as the acting president even though there was a vice-president. So this means that in Malawi (if we are to emulate Zambia as the author of the article wants us to), while the then vice-president was telling the nation that she wished Bingu quick recovery in RSA, our cabinet could have chosen anyone among them to serve as acting president.

    Secondly, upon the death of Sata, it was the Zambian cabinet which endorsed Sata’s Vice president as the interim president. In Malawi it was a defence force commander who endorsed a vice president to the presidency. Further still, cabinet ministers who met to deliberate on how the country should move forward, were said to have been committing TREASON! Poor Malawi!

    1. Greencardless Malawian says:

      The difference us that the vice president is not Zambian born though a cutizen if Zambia while JB was and is a full cituzen of Malawi. The mistake Zambia may have made was electing a VP who is not eligible for presidency but what do i know about thw Zambian constitution. But whether you like it or not; the midnight crooks had ni right to grab the presidency from JB who is still making most of Muntharikas bootlikers spend sleepless nights. The devil will tirture you guys to your graves…

  3. Winyo says:

    Zambia 2-1 Malawi..Will Malawi equalise? Goalscorers For Zambia are Mwanawasa & Sata..For Malawi its Bingu! Will Malawi’s hottest hitman Pitala make it 2-2?

  4. i never forget ifaya agogo it seemz some one who lough wil never die bt know that sinje umaptakumusi kwasaratchire ndkume kumakamoto next its you amenewina azakuseke i dont have much to say i keep crying

  5. IT IS BETTER TO CONFORT ALL CONCERNED AND WHAT IS COMING NOW IS SOUR TO OTHERS, THAT TIME WENT.

  6. Jokeje says:

    rest in peace Zambia and next is ndata boy kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

  7. M'Malawi weniweni says:

    Kaliati and midnight six company mwawerenga nkhaniyi? Shame on you all! Cheating Malawians Bingu was not dead when you had sinister motives? Actually people knew he was dead before he was being evacuated to RSA. What a shame!

  8. Kanyimbi says:

    Maliro athu chikukukhuza ndi chani? Anafawo ndi abambo ako? Kapena pamene anafa timazapempha kwanu? Iwe wopusa eti? Maliro a Bingu anali ako? Pamtu……………………

  9. Don’t carry out such stories for jokes, death is real. Today you are writing of others, tomorrow they will write of you. So be sober!

  10. CHEWA FEDERAL FRONT says:

    “hot tears…”
    “you only succeeded in breaking the poor guy’s ribs”
    “…his decomposing cadaver…”
    In deep Chewa tradition, through their esoteric/mystery dance, Gulewamkulu, Mr Tenthani would have been censured.
    “Wayani mwana oseka maliro?” OK OK; he is not Chewa, but then, even his Jando/Ngaliba masters would find his article abhorent.
    Mr Tenthani, are you counting on DPP’s illiteracy? Surely now, they must be planning to get hold of you!!

    1. Central says:

      Keep it up Tenthani, awa a DPP Youth morale palibe chao! Truth pains, and a Chewa ukuwathculawo ali ndi mwambi wakuti “mphini zobweleza ndi zimene zimacha” and without telling these nasty guys more than once, I do not think they can learn anything!! Iweyo oopsebzawe, Bingu anafa which date? Za chamba, musataye nthawi zenizeni zofunika kutanganidwa nazo ndi zimene the EU Ambassador and Thoko Banda have told APM in the face!! Work on all cashgate issues from 2005 and don’t be recruiting people without consulting them!! Muyaluka ndithudi ndi Boma lolowa mwakubaliiiiiii!!

  11. Gabro says:

    Sure sir. The only funny thing brother Wisi boy is that is seems you, our good neighbors are finding a hobby in digging graves for your presidents. Honestly brother Wisi, being a president in Zambia is becoming a scary ambition. I had the same ambition but hey I’m revisiting it, lest my relatives regret (coz I might not be there to even regret). Brother Wizi, I would rather hide my loved one’s death with faith within myself that my most powerful God will miraculously resurrect him, rather than keep killing my leaders as you my good brother and neighbour does. Just be careful my dearest brother Wizi because eventually, no one will be interested to vie for presidency in Zambia for fear of an early grave. I hope you will remember to write in your latest records the most risky(life threatening) jobs in Zambia, and you obviously know which one will top the list

  12. waNkota says:

    I think fame is goint to this chaps head.

    The end in nigh

  13. chatonda says:

    Next time it will be your death Tenthani also.

  14. pompo pompo says:

    Mulibe zochita pa Malawi zoti zingathandize mtundu. Ndinu aja mumkakachita phwando chifukwa cha imfa. Wakukanthani Mulungu tsano muli ena bwenzi mutaphunzira.

  15. Wanganyewanganye mtumbuka says:

    There nothing wise i can see here. Let the dead lay to rest themselve. Tipindulanji zopita? Nanunso….

  16. Kalanga says:

    I wont forget this day! Mw was really on fire! We hope that this wl never happen! Otherwise gvt shd not take us for granted! I wish we had money to investigate what really happened.

    Bt these pple stepped on mwians toes!

  17. The Cashgater says:

    Mlembi uyu ndi Galu ndithu! Hahahahahaha…!!

  18. george says:

    thank you for your suggestion. if you can recall late mutharika was not in good terms with jb and so too were all DPP affiliates. jb had her own party after she was booted out from dpp. Scott was in good terms with his late boss, he didn’t have his own party.

  19. Amalawi ndi mbuli man. You can’t compare Malawians to Zambians. Malawi will never prosper.

  20. no no no Mr foolish one! died as Daniel Phiri & was buried as Bingu wa Mutharika. Koma mid night six, and one of them is now a ‘president’? what a joke. no wonder thugs, arsonists & all manner of criminology is thriving in our beloved mother land. Sad indeed!

  21. Atcheya says:

    My dear neighbours, I conclude my letter by reminding you the obvious, that the presidential history of Malawi and Zambia has been very similar, so similar almost to be identical….I pray, my brethren, that you too, do not end up losing 2 sitting presidents…

  22. GubeJ says:

    Rubbish! what a scumbag. There was no political isolation between King Cobra and Scott hence the smooth transition. Unlike the other eastern two. Your comparison is weird politically and portrays your clown mind.

  23. Wado says:

    Wisi you seems like you know our history better than some of us but what u dont know is it happens on this part of the world that some1 can die & resurect 4 more than 3times especially well known ppo who believe & uses tradition healers

  24. mai nsato says:

    I laugh my lungs out. What an interesting letter

  25. Jimmy says:

    Its Baker Tilly findings,not an investigation body from Africa or even Malawi.

  26. Malawian comedy says:

    Lol
    Very funny!
    Sorry, i wasnt supposed to laugh. Just cant help it when I recall that fateful day.
    Sincerely yours
    MC

  27. foolish one says:

    Being a malwian is in our genetics; its written there. uhklohjgfmwmwhuuuukihfmwmwsruhhgkjccccmwmwmwmw01564/30000mwmwmws. Where else do you have a president who dies on not 2 but 3 dates. Born Webster Thom, legally changed his name to Bingu Muntharika died Peter Phiri on 3 days, not even jesus can match!

  28. umon says:

    What?????

  29. Timothy says:

    Lol.

    Raphael, you cracking me up. But sorry, you are right, dying three times was not funny.
    Sincerely yours
    Malawian comedy.

  30. Kawamba says:

    Gud adviz Wisi Boy. U r a gud advisor for reason may u apply for presidential advisor

  31. Quota system says:

    Sounds as if a Malawian wrote this. Well thought. Ha ha ha !

  32. Kawamba says:

    Gud adviz Wisi Boy. U can apply for president advisor

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