Malawi sex Inc., warm heart of sex: War and Peace column

We are not just some poorest Southern African republic anymore. Most of whose population survives on less than a US dollar a day. We are a nation stuffed with hypocrites for leaders. State-of-the-art Pharisees-cum-politicians masquerading as builders of the nation.cartoon rev

We are nothing but a bunch of men and women and children – some innocent endangered albinos regrettably hunted like akalulu – whose destiny our clueless government top dogs are steering.

Above all, we are Malawi, the warm heart of sex – from whence sex talk and action has become cheaper than sin. Malawi has become sex, sex and sex. Malawi Sex Inc.

We are doing extremely well sex wise. Soon we hope tables will turn around for the better. We look forward to metamorphosing from a predominantly sex importing country to a predominantly sex exporting one.

Thumbs up to the budding pornography industry that is steadily on the rise. The porn actors and actresses, whom we are breeding at an encouraging rate, are making us proud. We appreciate their endeavours a great deal. They say the pornography industry is one of the wealthiest industries in the world, don’t they?

We should start reaping from what we are sowing soon. We expect good bucks in the good American currency – should our good actors and actresses go international, which they have already done after all. We just hope they will not let their millions of US dollars realised stashed in some banks in New York or Washington when we are in dire need of the same back home.

Almost everyone is doing the sex stuff in public. From the president to trained bankers to wheelbarrow pushers and schools boys of Titi, Bereu and Wiliro. Sex is no longer some affair involving two people in the privacy of their bedroom or in some cheap rest house or in dark corners of Lilongwe’s Devil Street.

It has become public. Our sex has become famous. Even American tourists are flocking to our landlocked nation for some sex, including Courtney Devon Davis. Threesome, that’s what they call it – the American tourists, at least according to one 49 year old security guard Derick Chiwala who almost lost his life because of sex at Sosi Lodge.

There is ‘car sex’ happening between professionals and professionals in the car parks of Mwaiwathu Private Hospital in Blantyre and between married men and sex workers in the streets of Lilongwe.

Few weeks ago, it was sex involving minors and some potbellied scoundrels at Mama’s Shabin in Ntcheu. We all woke up to one of the amazing shocks of our lifetimes. There, we were told, sex can go at a cooling price of K500 or K1 000 should you not bring along a condom.

The country’s sexual appetites have gone lousy. Defilement cases are never-ending, they are some rising action.

But, well, the president too is kissing. Sometimes dangerously in public, unconscious of the fact that thousands of our children watch him cheaply demonstrating his love to Mama Gertrude.

Last month we saw our president get so horny on Valentine’s Day, on MBC TV, in front of the whole nation. He didn’t contain his “kissing appetite” that February 14 that, to use one Nkharo Nkosi’s verbiage, he gave a hot and sticky kiss on his ‘sweetie’s’ cherry lips.

Of course, the president too must kiss. It is blood that flows in his veins, not water. Is it not what everyone in this country is doing after all?

So, we are not very surprised at all, that the “sexing and kissing” has come to stay.

But we hope that, maybe, sooner than later our good activists will start pushing for serious provisions as regards the control of the use of internet. Maybe our good Malawi Communications Regulatory Authority (MACRA) will get interested in knowing how nasty cyberspace is contributing to the proliferating “sex industry” in the country which our laws say is illegal and punishable.

Maybe, maybe, sooner than later, each one of us – including our first couple – will remember to accord sexual activities some dignity and do them with ultimate privacy.

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Due to some technical mishap we were unable to bring this column in time. Any inconveniences caused are immeasurably regretted. –Editor.

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33 thoughts on “Malawi sex Inc., warm heart of sex: War and Peace column”

  1. field marshall says:

    libido on the rise!!

  2. Mbowe says:

    Chofiira chukuti psyuuuu icho ndi Chani?

  3. Nyere zavuta ku Malawi

  4. Nanunsotu mulibe zochita. Kuchindana amalesa? Wolemba nkhaniyi ndi gojo. Choka uko!! Ine Nsena wa pa Bangula. Inapha Babako? Kuchinda mmene kumakomeraku? Shiti. Kamba zina.

  5. pogba says:

    Comment I don’t think kissing your wife in public is fornication, as ling as you are legally married. What’s wrong with that?? Kissing your mate in public is telling her/him “I love you honey”. Romantic kissing is done in secret. Ee amalawi, mwatani kodi?? when I was marrying my wife and was told to “kiss the bride”, I did it, a wet kiss tho some morons whined hhmmmmm. I said, what??? we are legally married now. Lack of expression of love between married couples can fuel dissatisfaction which can lead to promiscuity. Mr Author, I think mukunangolemba zamahule anu akubwandilozo koma osati za a president kissing his wife of whom he is legally married to. I think ndiwe TRAD wapamwala, chimidzi chizakupha mphwanga

  6. Uta wa Leza says:

    “Do not give your strength to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings. It is not for kings. O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, nor for princes intoxicating drink” Proverbs 31:3,4.

  7. pastor in the line of temptation

  8. John says:

    The author has nothing to write this week. Pitani ku Kanya. Visit Florida Nairobi, Casablanca, Florida and Tembo in Mombasa. pali chani pa Malawi. Ngati iwe uli mngelo, just close your eyes when you see these things happening. You think you can change the 17 Million plus Malawians to go alone your line of thinking. Galu iwe eti!

  9. Nansanganya says:

    There is this group called Macademia Entertainment which comprises of people from Reserve Bank of Malawi. All they do is send pornographic materials of women. No wonder ku Malawi ana akungogwililidwa because people are always watching pornographic movies or seeing pornographic pictures. Can’t our government do something on this. Otherwise things are getting worse.

  10. ujeni says:

    pitani ku Ireland, bwandilo like girls from Malawi are there selling wares. Some are getting married to very old pensioners just for the love of money.

  11. Chenda says:

    The audience has to be thought of when presenting something. the presidency is not a simple and humble position, and in particular the President is not connected with the contents of the presentation at hand. Nyasa to remove those pictures please for they would mislead our youngsters.

  12. Pastor pat says:

    Take note that we are on earth because of sex. Even the writer himself knows how important is sex. Sex was given to us by God.pastors prophets presidents reverends plus you and me enjoy and practice sex.if u dont enjoy sex then you are missing something God created for us to be happy and praise Him.

  13. Nyakanyasu says:

    I can see things falling apart eish.. Only God knows.

  14. Doctor Beza says:

    mavuto kumudziko.but nothing can fail God lets pray for our country

  15. zebe says:

    I live outside Malawi but I agree with this article. Am overwhelmed each time I come back to Malawi. Women selling sex everywhere. Men going about buying sex everywhere. Sex talk part of every conversation. Sex at work places, in church, everywhere. We are sick

  16. jesus is lord says:

    Ru for real man c’mon stop worrying about other people’s sex life and focus on your own.

  17. George says:

    We’re getting famous for bad reasons. Shame.

  18. aubrey limburo says:

    Touch not my annointed.Do my prophet no harm!!!!!

  19. inayake says:

    Is kissing in public fornication? I saw nothing wrong with that kiss. It’s you editors and journalist who blew it out off proportion. Sex is sex as a kiss is as kiss. Don’t confuse kisses with sex.

  20. nazimbiri says:

    AUZENI AMVETSETSE AJA AKUMACHITA KUPANGA CHALLENGE PA TAUNI PANO.KKKKKKKKKKKKK.NABOLANI KUTI KUNALIBE EDZI.

    ACHIBALE KUMAPUSISIDWA,KOMA NAMKAFUMBWE AKAYAMBA KUGWIRA
    NCTHITO MTHUPI NDE ATOMULODZA AMENEYI,ISA ATOZILODZA YEKHA AMENEYO.

    WAGWA NAYO SATANA.ZA KUMIDIMA ZIDZABVUMBULUKA BASI.AUZE NGOZI KUTI AMVETSETSE.

  21. Francismagowa says:

    Hey The Warm Heart Of Sex Indeed<<<<>>>>Malawi Is A Terror Of Hard Core Sex Scandal Mostly In A Day Light.What A Shame To The Nation Full Of Corruption & Greedy Politicians.

  22. bentby smart says:

    Gosssssh. Where is my malawi heading to? Yes indeed its true wakhungu sangasogolere anthu.

  23. Nyambitoni says:

    come on man get a life! is a kiss a sexual activity? inu ndi magulu aja mumakayenda ndi akazi anu mumawauza kuti atsogole kuchita nawo manyazi. gone are the days where displaying one’s affection in public is considered as zachikunja. mwayamwila za makolo anu basi, chimidzi!

  24. MCP GVT says:

    Last days. Devil at work. If u try to write something agaist these satanic acts lyk u’ve done, people wil quash u. God forgive us and help us through.

  25. SPENCER says:

    nde ukutanthauza chani iweyo do u wanna tell us that our first couple nde amene akuyambisa……unasowa cholemba iwe

  26. Mbundumali says:

    Palibe chimene mwalemba apa. kungoti mwina nyere yakupwetekani.

  27. mphwanye says:

    Bina from Malawi? I know where this name comes from in Malawi. This one is not a lhomwe!!!

  28. Zoona Mapuya says:

    Especially ku matchalichi,ma ova nite iii zanyanya mowee!

  29. zte says:

    haha kodi a pulezident nyere eti….. we have exported more mahule to South Africa and lreland. … mahuwa ntchito akugwira yotamandika

  30. wonderful matchika says:

    zazi

  31. Bambo wofatsa says:

    Basi a Malawi nkhani Ukhale ya Chako changa basi .Gondolosi akupwetekani,Mikupukupu mukumwayo ikupwetekani.Zoti kuli matenda simukumva ntchito kufinya matako amahule mukaledzera.Zanu izo,

  32. onjoya says:

    Za ziiiiiii

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