‘Up yours!’ say Malawi leader, Ministers and Parliamentarians

Prologue:

There is something wrong you know,

Which not even a parson can understand,

But Jah alone can understand.

 There is something wrong you see,

That not even a parson cannot see, that

It’s Jah alone a Christian.

(Refrain)

If you think them a Christian,

Wait until them see a thousand dollars,

Them say no hair no grow in my palm.

 And when darkness come down,

They mek some ridiculous move

Which Jah alone can understand.

 Yeeeeees! Rasta alone a Christian!

 © Joseph Hill aka Culture, album Lion Rock (1981 release)

Get a life people!

Leading by example is afoot in Malawi, one of the poorest countries on the face of the earth.

Ordinarily, leading by example is a notion worth commending, emulating and if possible quickly taking to scale; so that more and more folks can join the fad to lead by example and by so doing,help make the world a better place.

Sadly, the Malawi version of leading by example comes with a small problem.

Leading by example, the Malawi version, does not mean doing deeds that one would call virtuous, exemplary or patriotic.

First degree greed, wholesome stinking greed, is what the ruling class from both sides of the political divide have decided to impart,as an essential life-skill,to Malawi’s impressionable youths and citizenry.

The Executive and the legislature have re-invented the rules.A new school of thought is in town.

First they are schooling Malawi us,

“Scoff at your perks, even when they are buttressed with hefty tax-free allowances!”

The lessons go on:

“Aim high, always convince yourself that you deserve better than the ordinary Malawians. Malawi owes youa bigger piece of the pie.”

Malawians, shocked beyond belief, timidly ask;

“But what about us, the poor masses that voted for you?”

The oppressor always has a ready answer.

“Some animals aphwanga,” comes the response, “are more equal. And this being the case, even when there is no reason to believe that donors – who buoy the economy with 40%of the budget will play the good Samaritan, think – first – of your bellies. Charity must begin in your own tummy.”

To wrap up the tutorial, the elitesensure that they leave no-one in doubt, via patently stupid and arrogant defense for their decadence, that for the poor folk waiting for donors to inject some cash into the kitty before they receive services, they have another think coming or have two choices.

Either the poor folk, their diseases, their hunger, their kids’ education and/or all their necessities should be put on “pause” towait till kingdom come; or if they are too hungry, they should feel free to apply the Law of Jean-Jacques Rousseau.

Whichever the course of action the poor of Malawi will opt for, Malawi’s kings and princes are saying:

“Up yours people!Who said life is fair? Who told you to believe the falsehoods we were churning out to win your vote? And when you were voting us into these offices; did you honestly think we will serve you without – first and foremost, before serving and saving ourselves?All is fair in love and war! Welcome to the world and get a life!”

In short, and in plain language, this is the message, the lessons of life we have just received fromboth State Houses, the Capital Hill and the House of Parliament of Malawi.

 Bizarre math vs the Jean-Jacques Rousseau

President and VP: 80%, Cabinet Ministers and Leader of Opposition: 168%, Deputy Ministers: 87% Parliamentarians: 376% versusCivil Servants with a miserable 45%.

Yet, President Mutharika, VP Saulos Chilima, Cabinet Ministers and Leader of Opposition, Deputy Ministers and Parliamentarians are all in expenses-paid positions and on top of the indecent increments, enjoy a variety of tax-free allowances and benefits.

And the poor guyswho wangled a 45%ONLY after striking, the civil servants, get their transport to and from work from the same peanuts that was only increased after a strike, and whose arrears are yet to be paid.

President Mutharika, VP Saulos Chilima, Cabinet Ministers and Leader of Opposition, Deputy Ministers and Parliamentarians spend their time either loitering around town – in four by fours, attending the odd meeting in pursuit of yet more allowances;while the poor civil servants who got a 45% after struggles, toil 7-to-5, sometimes in less-than-human conditions if rural schools and hospitals are anything to go by.

With this unprecedented gluttony, with this lack of sensitivity on the part of the president, cabinet ministers and parliamentarians; they have just accelerated Malawi’s race to the dooms’ day prophesized by Jean-Jacques Rousseau when the poor shall have nothing more to eat, but the rich.

Apparently, according to the Minister of Finance, the fact that the increments were ‘factored’ into the budget means that the fact that there is no cash to support the gluttonous increments does not matter.

They still had to be effected, come sun or rain.This is utter nonsense. Garbage.

And then comes the biggest joke: President Mutharika – elected to protect the masses from this madness – and his deputy, after giving a nod to the grand but legalized looting that has and is deepening the hole in our Treasury, “generously” decide to “defer” their increments.

Only irredeemable idiots are clapping hands for this buffoonery.

Deferred or not, it matters less. We saw former VP Khumbo Kachali just the other day, claiming his arrears zinthu zitasolobana. Ng’ombe zitayang’ana dazibomu.

Which blue-eyed idiot is still clapping hands after this “gentle reminder”?

The budget of Malawi is not elastic.Our resources are stretched to breaking point.And at any rate Malawi is struggling to narrow the titanic gap between resources and needs.

Where IF not from reduced pro-poor services are funds to finance the deferred president’s salary, the postponed VP’s entitlements, the ministers’ loot and MP’s blood money going to come from?

The gap between the budget and the cash that Malawi has,is why allocations to vital ministries like the Ministry of Health, are a fraction of what was allocated in the budget;a development which has succeeded to rebrand this ministry into the Ministry of Diseases and sure Death.

The leadership of course cares less about the state of hospitals because when they fall sick or drop dead at short notice,they are medically evacuated to RSA. Because their lives are more important than those of the millions of ‘idiots’ that voted them into office. Their deaths are special – they should be declared officially dead in Joburg, not at QECH.

The gap between the budget and the cash that Malawi has is why teachers – the profession that builds a nation – are going without pay for months, without the executive batting an eyelid and sadly, without the opposition saying a word.

While I am at it, how can the opposition speak for the poor, when they too are eating?

 You reap what you sow

Justifying the disgusting salary raises with the fact that politicians, especially members of parliament, are begged left, right and centre is absurd because Malawi MPs reap what they sow during campaign time.

MPs that attracted votes by buying coffins during campaign time, created the impression that if voted into office, they will evolve into mini-Chanache Coffin Workshops.

Hence, when they receive coffin requisitions today, they are getting their just desserts.

They are merely reaping what they sowed and their myopia should not push already bankrupt Malawi deeper into bankruptcy.

Their myopia should not overburden the already overtaxed tax-payer.

And look at this: because MPs and the ruling class are milking a thin cow, there will be nothing for the poor. And, unless the poor eat the rich, they will starve and die.

And the dead people’s relatives will go to the MPs to ask for more coffins and our greedy MPs will be back to square one.

How are they going to solve this one? With another increment?

Following from the above, and closely related to the same, is the fact that these unprecedented increments have been grossly misunderstood by constituents.

Voters now fairly believe that MPs have been so financially empowered, that they are now in a position to address each and every need and whim. After all this is what none other than Hon. Dr. Jessie KabwilaMP told the media the other day.

I will therefore not be surprised to see a drastic decrease in expeditions to constituencies by MPs that have been bothering to visit;a complete kudulaphazi for those that quit ‘village life’ soon after the elections; and ‘hokoyo take cover’ for those who were actually based in their constituencies.And who would want to live in the village – to be servicing coffin requisitions – when they are getting K350,000as housing allowance per month?

As a result, and mark ye my words on this one:in 2019, many of these members of parliament you see, will be answering to the name “has-been-MP” or “was-once-an-MP”.

Due to greed and insensitivity, members of parliament have set themselves in an unenviable position where nothing they say or do will be perceived as being for the good of Malawi.

In their shoes, I would not waste time trying to sweat-talk my way out of this greed because even the slowest of Malawians have seen through this self-centered act and know them for what they are: self-serving unpatriotic maggots.

One small piece of advice: five years, when you are living the good life and economically oppressing the people that trusted you, disappears faster than a fart in a fan factory.

It is at the end of five years that the poor will have the last laugh. Don’t they say that the one who laughs last, laughs longest?

There is after all, someone among your greedy ranks who told us that: zowuluka zonse zikawuluka, pali tsiku limodzi zitadzatere!

Epilogue:

Panali anthu ena ongovutika

Pamene anthu ena ankangokondwera

Panali anthu ena ogwirantchito

Pamene anthu ena ankangodyerera

Malume ndalama kubisa ku banki

Pamene mbumba yanu ikufa ndi njala

Zowuluka zonse zitawuluka, pali tsiku limodzi zitadzatere!

Inu mumati zidzakhala chonchi, mpaka liti abale?

Ana a Mulungu sangakhale akulira, masiku onse a moyo wawo

Analanda ufumu kalero, nawupereka kwawoyenera

Ndi chiyani chingamulake, Ambuye Mulungu wa chilungamo?

 ©Hon Lucius Banda, MP(376%), song: Mabala

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