‘Up yours!’ say Malawi leader, Ministers and Parliamentarians


There is something wrong you know,

Which not even a parson can understand,

But Jah alone can understand.

 There is something wrong you see,

That not even a parson cannot see, that

It’s Jah alone a Christian.


If you think them a Christian,

Wait until them see a thousand dollars,

Them say no hair no grow in my palm.

 And when darkness come down,

They mek some ridiculous move

Which Jah alone can understand.

 Yeeeeees! Rasta alone a Christian!

 © Joseph Hill aka Culture, album Lion Rock (1981 release)

Get a life people!

Leading by example is afoot in Malawi, one of the poorest countries on the face of the earth.Demo poster...Photo Jeromy Kadewere

Ordinarily, leading by example is a notion worth commending, emulating and if possible quickly taking to scale; so that more and more folks can join the fad to lead by example and by so doing,help make the world a better place.

Sadly, the Malawi version of leading by example comes with a small problem.

Leading by example, the Malawi version, does not mean doing deeds that one would call virtuous, exemplary or patriotic.

First degree greed, wholesome stinking greed, is what the ruling class from both sides of the political divide have decided to impart,as an essential life-skill,to Malawi’s impressionable youths and citizenry.

The Executive and the legislature have re-invented the rules.A new school of thought is in town.

First they are schooling Malawi us,

“Scoff at your perks, even when they are buttressed with hefty tax-free allowances!”

The lessons go on:

“Aim high, always convince yourself that you deserve better than the ordinary Malawians. Malawi owes youa bigger piece of the pie.”

Malawians, shocked beyond belief, timidly ask;

“But what about us, the poor masses that voted for you?”

The oppressor always has a ready answer.

“Some animals aphwanga,” comes the response, “are more equal. And this being the case, even when there is no reason to believe that donors – who buoy the economy with 40%of the budget will play the good Samaritan, think – first – of your bellies. Charity must begin in your own tummy.”

To wrap up the tutorial, the elitesensure that they leave no-one in doubt, via patently stupid and arrogant defense for their decadence, that for the poor folk waiting for donors to inject some cash into the kitty before they receive services, they have another think coming or have two choices.

Either the poor folk, their diseases, their hunger, their kids’ education and/or all their necessities should be put on “pause” towait till kingdom come; or if they are too hungry, they should feel free to apply the Law of Jean-Jacques Rousseau.

Whichever the course of action the poor of Malawi will opt for, Malawi’s kings and princes are saying:

“Up yours people!Who said life is fair? Who told you to believe the falsehoods we were churning out to win your vote? And when you were voting us into these offices; did you honestly think we will serve you without – first and foremost, before serving and saving ourselves?All is fair in love and war! Welcome to the world and get a life!”

In short, and in plain language, this is the message, the lessons of life we have just received fromboth State Houses, the Capital Hill and the House of Parliament of Malawi.

 Bizarre math vs the Jean-Jacques Rousseau

President and VP: 80%, Cabinet Ministers and Leader of Opposition: 168%, Deputy Ministers: 87% Parliamentarians: 376% versusCivil Servants with a miserable 45%.

Yet, President Mutharika, VP Saulos Chilima, Cabinet Ministers and Leader of Opposition, Deputy Ministers and Parliamentarians are all in expenses-paid positions and on top of the indecent increments, enjoy a variety of tax-free allowances and benefits.

And the poor guyswho wangled a 45%ONLY after striking, the civil servants, get their transport to and from work from the same peanuts that was only increased after a strike, and whose arrears are yet to be paid.

President Mutharika, VP Saulos Chilima, Cabinet Ministers and Leader of Opposition, Deputy Ministers and Parliamentarians spend their time either loitering around town – in four by fours, attending the odd meeting in pursuit of yet more allowances;while the poor civil servants who got a 45% after struggles, toil 7-to-5, sometimes in less-than-human conditions if rural schools and hospitals are anything to go by.

With this unprecedented gluttony, with this lack of sensitivity on the part of the president, cabinet ministers and parliamentarians; they have just accelerated Malawi’s race to the dooms’ day prophesized by Jean-Jacques Rousseau when the poor shall have nothing more to eat, but the rich.

Apparently, according to the Minister of Finance, the fact that the increments were ‘factored’ into the budget means that the fact that there is no cash to support the gluttonous increments does not matter.

They still had to be effected, come sun or rain.This is utter nonsense. Garbage.

And then comes the biggest joke: President Mutharika – elected to protect the masses from this madness – and his deputy, after giving a nod to the grand but legalized looting that has and is deepening the hole in our Treasury, “generously” decide to “defer” their increments.

Only irredeemable idiots are clapping hands for this buffoonery.

Deferred or not, it matters less. We saw former VP Khumbo Kachali just the other day, claiming his arrears zinthu zitasolobana. Ng’ombe zitayang’ana dazibomu.

Which blue-eyed idiot is still clapping hands after this “gentle reminder”?

The budget of Malawi is not elastic.Our resources are stretched to breaking point.And at any rate Malawi is struggling to narrow the titanic gap between resources and needs.

Where IF not from reduced pro-poor services are funds to finance the deferred president’s salary, the postponed VP’s entitlements, the ministers’ loot and MP’s blood money going to come from?

The gap between the budget and the cash that Malawi has,is why allocations to vital ministries like the Ministry of Health, are a fraction of what was allocated in the budget;a development which has succeeded to rebrand this ministry into the Ministry of Diseases and sure Death.

The leadership of course cares less about the state of hospitals because when they fall sick or drop dead at short notice,they are medically evacuated to RSA. Because their lives are more important than those of the millions of ‘idiots’ that voted them into office. Their deaths are special – they should be declared officially dead in Joburg, not at QECH.

The gap between the budget and the cash that Malawi has is why teachers – the profession that builds a nation – are going without pay for months, without the executive batting an eyelid and sadly, without the opposition saying a word.

While I am at it, how can the opposition speak for the poor, when they too are eating?

 You reap what you sow

Justifying the disgusting salary raises with the fact that politicians, especially members of parliament, are begged left, right and centre is absurd because Malawi MPs reap what they sow during campaign time.

MPs that attracted votes by buying coffins during campaign time, created the impression that if voted into office, they will evolve into mini-Chanache Coffin Workshops.

Hence, when they receive coffin requisitions today, they are getting their just desserts.

They are merely reaping what they sowed and their myopia should not push already bankrupt Malawi deeper into bankruptcy.

Their myopia should not overburden the already overtaxed tax-payer.

And look at this: because MPs and the ruling class are milking a thin cow, there will be nothing for the poor. And, unless the poor eat the rich, they will starve and die.

And the dead people’s relatives will go to the MPs to ask for more coffins and our greedy MPs will be back to square one.

How are they going to solve this one? With another increment?

Following from the above, and closely related to the same, is the fact that these unprecedented increments have been grossly misunderstood by constituents.

Voters now fairly believe that MPs have been so financially empowered, that they are now in a position to address each and every need and whim. After all this is what none other than Hon. Dr. Jessie KabwilaMP told the media the other day.

I will therefore not be surprised to see a drastic decrease in expeditions to constituencies by MPs that have been bothering to visit;a complete kudulaphazi for those that quit ‘village life’ soon after the elections; and ‘hokoyo take cover’ for those who were actually based in their constituencies.And who would want to live in the village – to be servicing coffin requisitions – when they are getting K350,000as housing allowance per month?

As a result, and mark ye my words on this one:in 2019, many of these members of parliament you see, will be answering to the name “has-been-MP” or “was-once-an-MP”.

Due to greed and insensitivity, members of parliament have set themselves in an unenviable position where nothing they say or do will be perceived as being for the good of Malawi.

In their shoes, I would not waste time trying to sweat-talk my way out of this greed because even the slowest of Malawians have seen through this self-centered act and know them for what they are: self-serving unpatriotic maggots.

One small piece of advice: five years, when you are living the good life and economically oppressing the people that trusted you, disappears faster than a fart in a fan factory.

It is at the end of five years that the poor will have the last laugh. Don’t they say that the one who laughs last, laughs longest?

There is after all, someone among your greedy ranks who told us that: zowuluka zonse zikawuluka, pali tsiku limodzi zitadzatere!


Panali anthu ena ongovutika

Pamene anthu ena ankangokondwera

Panali anthu ena ogwirantchito

Pamene anthu ena ankangodyerera

Malume ndalama kubisa ku banki

Pamene mbumba yanu ikufa ndi njala

Zowuluka zonse zitawuluka, pali tsiku limodzi zitadzatere!

Inu mumati zidzakhala chonchi, mpaka liti abale?

Ana a Mulungu sangakhale akulira, masiku onse a moyo wawo

Analanda ufumu kalero, nawupereka kwawoyenera

Ndi chiyani chingamulake, Ambuye Mulungu wa chilungamo?

 ©Hon Lucius Banda, MP(376%), song: Mabala

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56 thoughts on “‘Up yours!’ say Malawi leader, Ministers and Parliamentarians”

  1. Cries of the poor says:

    Well ! well! Well! It has been said before our politicians are the most greedy under the sun. Even with the Cash gate not many of them comment on the loot because they are afraid to be exposed. The rot in the Malawi political system is deeper. We need more than a highly schooled person to lead us. Our value systems need to be evaluated. We have a nation whose executive have completely gone bonkers and so drunk with power that their priorities are immensely twisted. Who will save this nation? – GOD. Poor people pray that all who are evil are flushed out in shame

  2. Vavlov says:

    Military take over wont solve Malawi’s problems. The military guys are even more corrupt. The ruling party has capacity to make the country ungovernable if they don’t change for the better, and that will bring change to the country.

  3. Mulhomwe says:

    Spot on! I haven’t heard for a while many contributors call a spade a spade. Some have been calling it a big spoon. Let this move all of us to action.

  4. Matako says:

    I don’t agree with your narrative that APM won the last election resoundingly. He cheated and we all know that. He had Mbendera and the courts to let him in through the back door. Sadly if we are not careful he will rig the election again just as Mugabe has done in Zimbabwe. Based on performance APM should be kicked out before 2019m sadly we are stuck with this useless corrupt leader.

  5. Matako says:

    SaVARDOR I AM WITH YOU. the only thing that will save this country from these myopic corrupt greedy bastards is a coup de tat. we need soldiers that are dedicated and are ready to die for this country. I am in. We need to take our country back by any means necessary. APOM can take us for fools but we know better. These corrupt greedy politicians do not deserve to lead us. They are failures with yesterday’s ideas that have failed again and again. Malawi is our land if we don’t secure it nobody else will. we need to take over and put all the corrupt people that have caused the suffering of many people under a firing squad that is the only language greedy corrupt people like APM will understand.

  6. tiyeni tikakhala tiziganiza kuti tidakwera bwanji a moya inu!

  7. Salvador says:

    And that fat ass who was once stripped off his ‘honorable’ title should be stripped naked when some brave uniform fela worth being called a soldier takes over the govt. Its time my fellow malawians. The time is now, now is the time. Lets go chant down babylon and chase those crazy and rude baldheads out of govt business. Real freedom is never attained on a silver platter..blood is shed for it and thats why our neighbours in mpanyira manage to easily mobilise and demonstrate when prices of bread go up. To you APM and all the clowns that surround you, listen carefully and you will hear the natural mystic thats blowing in the air. Its time indeed we skinned these lions in the sheep skin and showed the world what they really are. Lets take the step malawi. FREEDOM, REAL FREEDOM, IS NOT GIVEN, IT IS TAKEN

  8. Nkhani says:

    Exodus 14 Verse 13 Do not fear, stand by and see and see the salvation of the Lord which He will accomplish today, for the egyptians whom you have seen today, you will never see them again forever..

    Awa ndi nthawi yawo, yathu idzafika..

  9. masada says:

    Nice article,,,

  10. Zachisoni Phiri says:

    Mukungokamba ndikulemba za ndalama osaganizira za mapemphero a mvula bwanji anthu wolembanu

  11. thazani says:

    ndife a chewa omwe tikupangitsa kuti dziko lino lizilamulidwa ngati ufumu chifukwa chosowa chikondi. Mmalawi muno ambiri ndife koma timalola kuti azitilamulira anthu ochepa kwambiri ngati alomwe. zimenezi ndi zofuna dala ifeyo. Ndikuganiza kuti dziko lino litalamulidwa ndi munthu wa pakati ndiye kuti chitukuko chizifalikira pali zonse chifukwa ndi pa mchombo pa dziko. Ndipovuta munthu wakumwera kuganiza za kumpoto chifukwa ndikutali koma wapakati azizaona mbali zonse kumanja ndi kumadzere kwake. Izizi sizingabweretse mavuto ali panopawa monga a boma la chitaganya. Pempho langa kwa a chewa anzanga tiyeni tiyang’ane maso chifukwa alomwe awa atizolowera chifukwa timavotera tiyeni chisankho chinachi nafenso tivoterane tokhatokha. Tangoganizani chigawo chonse chapakati kukhala ndi nduna imodzo yokha ndizomveka zimenezi. Nduna zonse kukhala za kumwera. Dnili ndi chikhulupiliro chonse kuti anthu akumpoto azatithandiza chifukwa sanyengerera munthu monga momwe ife achewa timachitira. Iwowo munthu akapanga zoputsa amamulavula olo akhale wakwawo. ACHEWA TIYENI TIDZUKE MWAMVA ASATIZOLOWERE

  12. thazani says:

    its you the chewas who are making this country to be like a family estate. You being the majority could easily defeat the lomwe manority but the only problem you have is that you are selfish and you dont love one another. I think if someone from the centre rules this country then resources can be distributed in all directions and we can not have these issues of federalism. Pliz my fellow chewas let us wake up we are the majority and people from the north are dynamic so we can team up to defeat these mulophwanas because they are taking us for granted. How can the whole central region have only one cabinet minister. Is this realistic. CHEWAS WAKE UP I REPEAT

    1. Zoona Phiri says:

      Just wondering if you yourself love fellow Chewas. Otherwise Central Region vehemently voted Chakwera. Are you an active member of CHEF? Did you participate in those meetings Chewa held to support Chakwera.

  13. Antobwito says:

    Only I am Sorry and afraid that most people who were supposed to read and UNDERSTAND this article know VERY LITTLE English and thus the Vocabularies used in this down-to-earth article will not stick into their mind as they will not UNDERSTAND IT. What if articles of this nature be written in our vernacular language which is CHICHEWA so that my dearest folks are able to read, and understand this fully punned article!
    Otherwise its Bravo to the Author!

  14. victim Chamkhuni Lwazazi says:

    I have always seen our day’s vulturing mps as ‘malawi pigs’ and ministers as greedy
    ‘malpractitioners’ with no remorse.

  15. Kanyimbi says:

    I am losing my trust on DPP. I thought they were Mose wa Lero koma aah, Yudasi wa lero basi.

  16. Piche Yakiti says:

    The African politics is politics of enrichment and not serving the public hence all this.

    May you all ‘honourables’ have a minute and read this article. If you scorn it, let it be at your own peril.

    A Malawi anapenya.

  17. kamfana says:


  18. j cholomandenga says:

    If MPs deserve 376% increment then the lowest paid civil servant should also get 376% , no less no more. These people have taken poor Malawians for ride for far too long.

  19. Kamdondo says:

    All past and present Malawi politicians are the same: selfish. This is th only time when the opposition and the ruling party agree, to milk not a thin cow, BUT A MALE, A BULL! KUYESELA KUWALETSA KUTI NDI NKHUNZI SITULUTSA MKAKA, AYI NDITHU AMVEKERE UTULUKA!

  20. Ndiw3 says:

    Tipange ma DEMO basi,dziko anatibera apanso ndi izi amalawife kugona.galuyu akuzolowera guys

  21. Tribalist says:

    Good article

  22. Tribalist says:

    Cessation is the only solution to this problem of being ruled by imbeciles from Southern Region. Since multiparty is about majority rule, chances are that these ignoramuses will continue to rule and the country will remain among the poorest in the world!

  23. Quota system says:

    Good piece indeed. The more things change the more they remain the same. Goodall Gondwe has failed with his text book economics. He is living on his past legacy. I think the most important criteria when choosing a Minister is to make sure one is a “Yes bwana” and be tossed around. That is what we have now. It all started with the lavish lawns they allocated to the lazy MPs amounting up to K24,000,000. Yet civil servants who implement government policies and agenda always get a raw deal. If this continues, I forsee trouble coming. I have no doubt abut it. What this so called DPP government is doing is political suicide. The opposition is also dumb on issues of money because it sees that DPP is plotting its own down fall creating the way for them. I rest my case.

  24. Chuma chobisika says:


  25. What a post! But they are about to die and they are deaf, the can’t take heed of that. If things were able to turn around that they taste this remote life for a while, the could be so careful and considerate once they go back into their positions. Koma eesh tizingolira basi…

  26. Umbava wayamba kale says:

    Remember the other day during Bingu’s time when some disgruntled Malawians had had enough from the MPs at Parlament, they decided to go to the honourable building and whip the guys in there. The result of what happened there is enough to show that very soon these honourable guys will need personal body guards for their survival in this country. They are shit and they need to be bokko harramed.

  27. The Patriot says:

    Well done, good article! Now let us find the solutions to this lingering problem: how do we stop these fat cats(Mps , Cabinet Ministers, the President) from milking the already thin Malawi government? I suggest a demonstration until they revise the percentage of the increases. Any other opinions? Mind you we will be demonstarting against all MPs not only DPP, UDF, MCP sikuti ena munene ndikudana ndi Mulhako apa!!

  28. Mafikizolo says:

    We are now tired with these monotonous articles which accuse others of being unpatriotic when the article itself is dripping with unbriddled lack of respect for Mother Malawi . Do you think any foreigner will respect us after reading your article when in your article you describe Malawi in such derogatory terms as “the poorest place on the face of the earth”? Any patriotic person will hesitate before describing their own country in such unflattering terms .
    Stop churning out these unhelpful articles and, instead, let’s begin to talk about what we are going to do to save our country from being irreparably damaged by the politicians who are currently “running” government .

    1. CANAAN says:

      How can foreigners respect us when fools like you appreciate and support a corrupt country Malawi? Foreigners will respect only those who tell the truth like the writer of this article, NOT cowards like yourself. Should we not tell the truth for fear of foreigners. What shallow reasoning!

    2. CANAAN says:

      How can foreiners respect us when fools like yourself don’t tell them the truth on the ground and support a corrupt government like this!

  29. OWERENGA says:


  30. Angel of Doom says:

    It is said “If you pay peanuts you get Monkeys”

    This is true for any position, more so at the top.

    We in Malawi need to learn that a wage is given for work done, I may go as far as saying for good work done.

    Companies give bonuses, not to everyone but to those that have done a good job, but on a scale. The problem we have in this country we think work is synonymous with sweating, and those that do not sweat for their work should get less than those that sweat.

    We must understand, that anywhere in the world we have the Shop floor,Technicians, and Managers. The rank and file are not paid to think, but to do, the technicians are paid to fix, in order for the “machinery” to run smoothly, Managers are paid to think and decide how best it should be done, and the buck stops with the manager.

    In Malawi it appears we believe the buck should stop with the manager, but they should not be paid for taking that risk. While the manger was burning midnight oil for four years, the rank and file was drinking himself silly, and just because he has worked for 10 years on the same job, he should earn the same as a manager because the manager has only been there for 3 years? Bull shit!!

    Everyone wants a good wage but one has to earn it. you start earning it or not from age 4 years, by the time you start work you have already determined what you are worth. That is why high fliers earn more than everyone else regardless of age.

    In the US they have teenage millionaires, not not because their parents left the the money, but because they had an idea at age 14 and pursued it by 18 the made their first million. (these are not one offs)

    can we please stop blaming every body for our plights, and accepting that only Jimmy Korea, Katsonga,Muli, Gottani, etc are the only ones that can be millionaires, and we have to demand ever so unreasonable wages to survive.

    There is life working for ones self.

  31. Deekay says:

    KUDOS! Well written piece.

  32. Wozinyanyala says:

    Mature writing indeed. I salute the writer of this article. Unfortunately all this wisdom is falling on deaf ears. Look for example Lucius himself who sang the above song when he could see things from a distance has now been given sikono and cant even cough. Chakwera who was said to be man of god has turned into a devil himself. Nothing makes sense in Malawi at this time. Maybe its about time we infiltrate boko haram to clear all this mess.

  33. jomichi says:

    weii articulated. a ‘must read’.

  34. Bazuka says:

    Good piece of advice to these maggots & vultures. The problem lies in the high illiteracy levels which is comgounded by uncivilised educated beings who vote along tribes & not issues. All Malawian politicians are greedy & wanton thieves. What a pity that I was born in a very Stupid country. What a balanced writing? Keep it up! I love u

  35. John says:

    Just one question, nah make that two. Where were all these smart asses when this budget was doing the rounds for the public to comment/ debate on it before it was passed by the parliament? Were these salary increments hidden so far and deep within that budget locker rooms you did not pick it up that Goodall/DPP was playing you well? That does say a lot about our Maths skills, does it not? And it definitely explains in abundance why these excuses of human beings called politicians are finding us, the general public,,,, appetising to prey on.

  36. oooooho/ says:

    Good piece of writing…let those who have eyes read!

  37. Okwiya says:

    You will never seize to amaze me Nyakuchena . F***the President, First Lady,Vice President and his Spouse, All ministers, Members of Parliament Ndi anthu onse opondeleza.

  38. ng'eng'a says:

    Mabala kkkkkkk history izazibwelezadi yokha 1day mmmmmhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

  39. Mtupatupa says:

    Food for thought unfortunately its falling into deaf ears and blind eyes!

  40. Boma la ang’ono awo a Angwazi limenelo. Tikanalankhulapo koma tikuopa kunjatibwa! “Zikomo kwam’mbiri, zikomo kwam’mbiri!”

  41. godobaman says:

    No 1. you are right.

  42. Mabasa says:

    Makamuwanepi munyori akadai?Anonyora zvinomwisa mvura. Wagona fani,ramba wakadaro.

  43. Simple Soldier Aaron says:

    u can recall, u can historise, u can analyse..this is not political, take it or leave it……..

  44. Shepherrd says:

    Balanced writing. No fear or favour.

  45. John says:

    Phew…we will cry till we drip blood. We will call the politicians names till we lose our voice. Nothing will change. Unless we take matters into our own hands and ACT, things will always be the same or even worse. Now that i think about it, was the budget not debated upon by all and sandry before it was passed? So if these increments were incorporated in that budget, were they hidden so far that those who were studying and debatting it could have picked it up? Is that not stupidity on us Malawians that bells were not rung before such a shambolic budget that favours these excuses of humans was passed? I guess that says alot about the type of people we are…… Just moaners and NOT doers. Even when hit with a brick, we wouldn’t notice the pain unless someone else points it to us that we are actually bleeding.

  46. kester Kaphaizi says:

    Mutharika tula pansi

  47. dodo says:

    Dont blame politicians but the stupid voters who ushet them into power!!! More especially the voters from down south!!! Very very useless voters!!!!!

  48. SIBONDA says:

    I wish our village head man had an access to this super line of thought

  49. dambobanda says:

    amalawi Nelson Mandela said the world z tired of words bt hungry for action.
    when r we going to stop this barking and start BIG BUSINESS
    lets do something for the gud of our nation
    that something z to bring these ple to justice
    it z wise for us to suffer for a short period than kulekerera a minute fraction of malawian population kumatipondereza.
    lets bring these thieves out of our govt whether ruling, opposition and judges.
    they have both failed us.
    we can write gud articles here bt they r nothing.
    we will read basi zatha
    of what benifit?
    this z my country
    tilole kukhetsa mwazi for the love of our children.
    LETS DO THE ACTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  50. a malawi kugona too much.

  51. Odala Ochibwe says:

    True They Are Just Making Themselves Rich Let Them Eat Today But Never Allow Them To Eat Again In 2019

  52. Good mature writing with perfect vision tackling real issues on the ground both for opposition and ruling. If the mentioned parties take pieces of advise please read what this gentle man has written and implement

Comments are closed.