Weddings and true weddings alike…

I do not care much what the dictionary describes a wedding as, but I do give a hoot at the marvel of a wedding event. That beautiful couple, well shaven groom and fantastically dressed bridegroom all give a picture of innocence. The seriousness in a wedding event cannot be over-emphasized, suffice to say that it remains with the couple to hold steady and acquaint the smallest unit of God’s creation.

I am mindful of several friends and foes alike, busy on the wedding trail. Some are just, arguably, bent stiff on pleasing parents who have always dreamt of their little girl growing up to be a young lady who would someday walk down the aisle, her hand in some handsome guy’s palms. And so too, others getting into the union for various reasons, including either the grooms or the bridegroom’s moneys and all manner of riches.

Ha ha ha ha!You may as well be one that got into a family situation – a ‘white wedding’ having couriered you into that union, without really having been sure you really wanted to spend the rest of your life with the dumb man or the bitchy woman you now call spouse.

If you like it then you should put a ring on it

Whatever the case, some say marriage was made in heaven, but when you consider the ‘bulls’ of Dowa that chop off wives arms and the ‘witches’ of Mtopwa that douse husbands with scalding hot water, heaven must well be forgiven. Such arrangements must have been made somewhere far from the world of feminism activists Seodi White and Emma Chanika are aware of.

I am aware of a wedding that quite as it was officiated and the couple walked out of the church, and just when they were about to get into the hall for ‘celebrations’ did the couple split. The two failed to agree on something the invited guests later learnt was the woman’s ‘bitchy behaviour’.

So one marriage went off right at the start, having spent thousands of Malawi Kwacha and ankhoswe’s and w edding committees and everyone’s time and money. Such are not weddings made or sanctioned by God. Such are games that may give Shariah law an excuse for its existence.

Chop that couple! Ha ha ha ha!

It will not be complete not to talk about couples whose weddings were void of any pomp. We all know of weddings taking places at palaces and not ending up peaceful unions. We also know of weddings that take place traditionally in traditional settings that are poor, that the couple rides bicycles if lucky – and have seen the man and wife live happily ever after – breeding teams and teams of children from the poor village self-made mat.

Turn a leaf to the weddings puffing up and down town in hired limos, great halls, extensive wedding dresses, out-of-this-world super suits, shoes that glitter and easily would work as mirrors, flamboyant wedding parties, and what have you – only to end up not blessed.

Well, blessings come in all manner and shapes. They come in form of wonderful bubbly kids. They also come in form of happy moments here and thereafter. They may also come in form of other blessings. But a majority of such ‘pompous’ unions end up in the emergency ward.

Why? Your guess is as good as mine. Both parties, the groom and the bridegroom, feel they are so important over the other. They feel they can do without their partner. They believe they have all the monies and all the material worth to listen to their partner. They live a life of ‘who dunnit’ and ‘who cares’? that is the soul of such failing unions.

And that is what brings so much pain and worry to God’s institution of marriage. Wives who think as long as she has sex with her husband, respect is for the housemaid to give the husband; and equally, husbands who think as long as she can be bedded, there is little use to respect the woman for what she is. Both are crazed adults with mouths that move faster than their brains, and skulls that are quarter full of the grey matter.

Respect cannot be forced, that is true, but it is a virtue and must be awarded where it is well handled.

But as you and I may know, who cares when either of the couple can take care of themselves? After all, says the newlywed husband, there is still a bevy of single (and so too married and divorced young and old women) still dying to get into my bed and house. Also, the wives who challenge their parents are rich, they have it all, and that there are still a lot of fine young and old (zidyamakanda) men lining up around her heart, eager to marry and even just shag her for fancy.

What both forget is that, indeed, there are a lot of such opportunistic and chancy people who want to freak with other peoples spouses – but believe me you, once the separation or divorce goes through – such people disappear, laughing and smiling to themselves to have had a proper share of that forbidden fruit.

“Wadya iwe. Inde wadya…” is perhaps left to taunt the minds of such useless couples – who trust so much in their financial and material worth over what God gave them. A man or a woman is not an objective of fallacy or a mantelpiece on the display cabinet to marvel at. They are people that deserve respect and the love that they were promised.

Yes, sometimes things go wrong amongst couples, but cowing down, discussing amicably, tolerance, love, and most of all the fear of God or Allah,  must always prevail over the ‘trick’s and ‘illusions’ of a better world somewhere away from the spouse.

Try it, and be the wiser.

Congrats Thom Chiumia and Natasha ‘Tasha’ Gausi (now Mr. and Mrs. Thom and Natasha Chiumia) that got married on 16thDecember 2012 at Leeds, West Yorkshire in the land of the Queen, United Kingdom.

Also wishing all the best to all that tied the note on this day and within December 2012. Ensure that yours remains a marriage blessed by God and not made somewhere else unprintable!

Who said a single woman cannot advise the married? Well, I just did. Ha ha ha ha!

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