Off the wall of Charles Simango: CDH Investment Bank

Nyasa Times is introducing a new column called ‘Off the Wall Of …’  We will be taking a Malawi Facebook Post of the Day and republish on Nyasa Times. This article is reposted with permission from the Facebook wall of the author.

I called CDH Investment Bank, Lilongwe, this morning, to inquire about a certain, unique facility they have. I clearly explained to the operator that I needed to talk to someone who is familiar with all the products and services – in other words, someone who can sale CDH Investment Bank to me.

In his wisdom, the operator decided to transfer me to, of all places, the inquiries desk, where a lady responded with a very unconvincing ‘hullo’, did not give her name, let alone ask me ‘how can I help you today’.

I asked her if she was sure she was the right person to sell CDH to me and she said she would try or else she would take my details and arrange for a meeting. Then, as expected, she put me on hold, and went on to attend to someone who wanted two copies of something, ‘one for us and one for you’.

She then came back online, hulloed me once and – cut the line. And now I have to start looking for another bank with that particular type of product because, now, I know, that if they cannot smell a sell and run after it with all they have, how much less attention will they give me once they get my money?

I may not be worth millions, let alone a million, but every inquiry in a business needs to be handled with extra attention by professional customer acquisition personnel because every inquiry is a potential customer, and who knows, he may be that one customer who brings you 80% of your revenue.

I may not be that person today, or ever, and that is fine with me. BUT do not dare calling me when you start seeing my embarrassing blessings on this wall! You are just starting and already you are behaving like National Bank of Malawi where the sole purpose of the bank is to treat bank customers as mere statistics and nothing more.

The only time you get good service, there, is when you are assisted by someone you know or someone who knows you. Nanji ukakumana ndi customer service officer wa chikazi, amayo, you are dead in the water. Umangosuzumila ndi kubwelera. Amakhala nthawi zonse ali ndungundu, kuoneka okwiya, kwinaku akumanamizira kukhala busy. (worse still when you come across a female customer services officer, just know you are dead in the water. You just peep and turn back. They are wearing angry faces all the time, pretending to be busy) I thought you are supposed to be busy with me?

I cry for the days of Patricia Mwase (she was Nee Dinala , at that time, I think) when she was serving ar Chichiri Branch and Mercy Chibwana who was then at Haile Selassie Branch. I remember, people actually used to refuse to be assisted by anyone, preferring Mercy even when the other officers were free. We were like, ‘no, I will wait for her, its personal’.

Anyway, I digress, this was about CDH. I think Esau and team have a fantastic vision as far as investment banking in Malawi is concerned. I have a lot of respect for people who are onto something new and Esau and his team make me proud.

Unfortunately, if what I encountered today is a representation of how their sales funnel works, then I am very disappointed. So for now, just know that when mdalitso wanga wonyazitsa (my embarrassing blessing) arrives and you send your officers to come sell me CDH services I will turn you down, and I will say unto you: I came knocking and you did not open. I will then proceed to toss your officers through the window of MY posh office which will be located on the 21ST FLOOR of MY towering office complex (yeah, how about that for a very tall blessing? Never limit your vision, people!). Until then, cry my beloved country. Eish!

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