Where is our chinkhoswe going?

In Africa, an individual’s existence is not nearly as important as that of the community to which that individual belongs. As they say, it is a matter of “I am because we are”. The community is always paramount and the individual is regarded as being of secondary importance.

At a traditional Malawian engagement (chinkhoswe) the guests give many low denomination notes in a dance (pelekani pelekani)

At a traditional Malawian engagement (chinkhoswe) the guests give many low denomination notes in a dance (pelekani pelekani)

Whereas in Europe, and elsewhere, marriage is basically an affair between two individuals, in Africa it is between two families or two communities. The bride and groom literally bring two communities together and merge them.

In Malawi, the two communities get to know each other at a ceremony called Chinkhoswe. Chinkhoswe is more than an engagement ceremony in the sense that it involves more people than just the two. In Europe, couples can engage in a private function at a pub. Nobody else needs to be present. Not so in Africa.

Chinkhoswe provides an opportunity for the parents and relatives of the bridegroom-to-be to meet their counterparts from the bride-to-be side. It is, therefore, purely a family affair. Or at least should be, in its purest form.

Somehow this ceremony has over the past few years been hijacked into a fundraising function. Many people are invited to the function, music played, food served and many rounds of perekani-perekani (coerced giving) staged. The people that grace chinkhoswe ceremonies these days are not necessarily family members. In fact the family members would be outnumbered by “outsiders” by a wide margin. People attend chinkhoswe like they would the actual wedding.

I once attended a chinkhoswe ceremony in Nyambadwe. Getting close to the venue, I noticed that there were so many cars that it was difficult to find parking space. I had no choice, but to drive to the lower end of the road, park there and walk all the way back. Everybody I knew in town seemed to be at that ceremony. After a few rounds of perekani-perekani I decided to leave.

This was not an isolated case. Many people stage chinkhoswe ceremonies at that scale. I have always wondered what such functions are intended to achieve. I think we have gone off target in a big way, insofar as the purpose of chinkhoswe is concerned. It has become wedding part A. It is like the first half of the wedding game while the actual wedding is the second half.

Even those people who do not traditionally practice chinkhoswe in their cultures have jumped on the bandwagon. The pomp, the monetary gains, the publicity that go along with chinkhoswe have been too great for them to resist.

Many churches expect that couples will not live together unless and until they have been officially wedded. Therefore, the real day to look forward to by couples ought to be the wedding day. With the overblown chinkhoswe functions, unfortunately, the wedding day blurs into some insignificance. As a result, many more couples than before are feeling justified to start living together after the chinkhoswe ceremony. They will have raised the start-up funds; they will have received the gifts; they will have received just about everything save the pastor’s blessing. What would stop them from going all the way?

There is urgent need to review the manner in which chinkhoswe is carried out. About twenty years ago, all that was required was the suitor’s parents, uncles, aunts, brothers and sisters to meet their opposite numbers at a strictly private function, usually at the lady’s home (or lady’s relative’s home). They would ask each other a few questions then the suitor’s entourage would present items like a hoe, an axe, a pail, a basket (dengu), some plates. Perekani perekani was not part of the deal.

Where is our chinkhoswe going? What purpose does it serve? These are the questions we need to direct to ourselves in an attempt to rediscover the right place of the chinkhoswe ceremony in the marriages of our young couples. We may have been carried away by the glitz of a chinkhoswe function staged by somebody we knew, but I would urge that we go back to basics and put chinkhoswe in its proper context. I rest my case.

  • The author is a provider of printing services and a social commentator.
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go go
Guest

Lobola is primitive

Kangaroo
Guest

OK good amalawi Tagwirizana ku letsa chinkhoswe eti. Can i push for a bill in Parliament?

Boyd Kilembey
Guest

The author should also have considered “lobola” which has become a cash cow for “pimps”. I cant withstand this practice which equates to modern day trafficking of human beings. Lobola made sense then when communities had that communal fabric, not these days of cloud computing and Ipads and material gains.

Nangozo
Guest

I totally agree with the writer. Our society is one of the poorest and yet we do things to make ourselves even poorer. It is our poor minds which make us do such things. Those with rich minds are the ones that do simple engagements and sometimes even simple weddings.

Unfortunately even those who do not have enough money go to the extent of borrowing so that they do a function like somebody else did.

Poor Malawi
Guest
No only Chinkhoswe but also engagements and weddings. These events have become viable fundraising/businesses in Malawi. They provide livelihood to many Malawian DJs, MCs, Photographers, Cake Makers, Car Hire companies, churches (bez couples to be pay something to churches) and above all couple-to-be. No wonder, marriage separation or divorce rates are increasing at an alarming rate. But the question is: Who prescribed that people should be undergoing such stages when getting married? How did our forefathers: Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, etc do whenever their daughters and sons were getting married? I know many will answer negatively because their livelihood is attacked.… Read more »
duduzi
Guest

That is Why in Tumbuka, we do not recognise Chinkhoswe……chikhoswe?????****XXXX!!!!!! and if you see any Tumbuka or any other NORTHERNER calling you for Chinkhoswe or chikhoswe as him what it means in his or her tribe context……..ndiwadyera chabe……we do not know it and we have our own CIVILIZED way of making parents know each other not the Mafia way of Chinkhoswe/chikhoswe!!!!

tikhala
Guest

Legally, chinkhoswe is traditional marriage. Then the church wedding is for Xtians. The law recognises marriage ngati pali chinkhoswe even without a church wedding.

Personally I feel having a big chinkhoswe and church wedding is a duplication. A couple should choose one big function . Even if it’s seen as fundraising, alot of coupls have fallen into debt at the beginning of their marriage because they bank on pelekani kuti abweze ngongole.

Things have gone haywire!

Alinafe
Guest

Kodi akutinso ku befinde (birthday) kukumakhala kufupa….befinde ya mwana wa zaka ziwiri…pelekanipelekani? Akuti banja lina linathawa likukakamizidwa kufupa…analibe ndalama and they did not know kuti ku befinde kukumafupidwa. kungoti ku Malawi ndalama sizimavuta kupeza. kukhala maiko amzathuwa….aaaah . ukajomba kuntchito for 2 days, those 2 days no pay… amadula…pomwe ku Malawi olo osapita kuntchito 15 days, ulandira ya 30 days….so koseweletsa ndalama kwina ndikumeneko ku befinde, chinkhoswe, shower. pasavute, zipitilire izi, ndalama sivuto

nabiyeni
Guest
Every thing has become a money thing. Zinkhoswe, dzikwati, baby shower, akuti kitchen top up and even machalichi. Kodi for someone to b recognized u hv to pay money?? To b buried and have church mass u hv to hv paid money then only will u hv a rousing send off. Most of this has been created by greed. Many years ago there was none of this. Did Jesus hv to pay for his burial? Did the people during that era count who was present it didn’t matter. But today almost every gathering has become a money grabbing event. U… Read more »
pent
Guest

Chinkhoswe is just one of the traditional events whise value has been replaced by a mere gratification for nmoney

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