After boreholes at Queen’s Hospital, what next? Malawi of ‘Mapwevupwevu’ govt

Come to think of it, nothing that the ruling Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) is doing  should take anyone by surprise.

President Peter Mutharika: Get your prioritis right
President Peter Mutharika: Get your prioritis right

At least not in Malawi.

Because, when one recalls that era of“bad” laws, of fuel and forex shortages, of media unfriendly laws, of opposition and civil society bashing, of hoodwinking Malawians on a wide range of issues by pretending ‘to listen’ after gluing gum in executive ears, of suspiciousstewardship over public assets,of unnecessary stand-offs that went on for months without a solution,one has to accept that we have been down this road before.

We have been to hell and back with DPP, therefore nothing happening today is new. And with ourselves probably to blame, we should only expect a downhill ride and the worst.

Nepotism does not even begin to come into this discussion because tribal favouritismis more or less DPP’s ‘legal tender’.

Yes, nepotism, blatant bias along tribal lines; although often refuted at the highest echelon of DPP, is what the Kwacha is to Malawi, the Pound Sterling is to the United Kingdom, and the Rand to the Republic of South Africa.

It is, to put it in perfect perspective,the glue that holds the DPP together.

Take away nepotism, and take away the few opportunists and hangers-on walking about chewing monster yellow-buns and you have no DPP.

You want to tell DPP to stop practicing nepotism? You might as well tell a leopard to change its spots.

Now, just when one begins to think that having hit the bottom we cannot sink any lower; is when the DPP pulls a blockbuster.

I am not referring to the ‘give-away’ of the Malawi Savings Bank (MSB) because, on this one, all of us are equally to blame, individually and collectively.

We ought to have seen that one coming.

With due respect to the coup d’état of the MSB, the formula isfool-proof.

It wascrafted by a “political engineer”, perfected by an “economic engineer” and today, all that a “constitutional engineer” had to do was to sell Malawians a dummy, pick the loot and the rest is the story of finders keepers losers weepers.Game over.

The formula is crude but effective. Just as it worked between 1994 and 2004; and it functioned between 2004 and 2012;today, it is just as potent.

You want to learn the a-b-c of looting public assets? Check this:

  1. Condemn a state-owned entity to bankruptcy by appointing a dubious CEO. Examples are NOIL, ADMARC, Stagecoach, National Bus Lines, and today MSB.
  2. Ransack the company by either stripping it of its assets, or by creating a huge debt that leaves it bleeding.When possible, doboth simultaneously, as surety.
  3. Start shedding crocodile tears,wailing to all and sundry that the company is not performing etc.and all that jazz.Pause and wait.

The IMF does the rest.

The omniscient IMF technocrats always come in, swallow the bait, and pronouncethe magic word: “SELL!”

And lo: you have a licence to loot from none other than the IMF!

Finally, armed with the IMF licence to loot,you connive with a local businessman, especially these greedy types that care very little about their reputation and image, engineer the privatisation commission to him, bribe a few journos to write stories of doom, get a barefoot lawyer or two to “opine” and boom!

A national asset is gone with none the wiser!

Since they say practicemakes perfect, the formula has been perfected over the years.

But nevertheless, we should have seen it coming. Hence my saying: we are all guilty as charged.

The MSB scam, however, is not what I want to discuss.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have learnt with dismay from one of our gallant dailies, that it has pleased the DPP to take those of us that frequent the Queen Elizabeth Central Hospital (QECH) back to the days of the Han Dynasty of China between 202 BC and 220 AD.


Rather than enjoy water from taps – in keeping with modern amenities–when we fall sick or when we have to serve as guardians;we will be reminiscing the days of the Han Dynasty of Chinainas far as water is concerned.

Boreholes, folks, will be part and parcel of the landscape at this historic referral hospital.

You and I will be drinking from boreholes in the 21st century, in the very heart of Malawi’s commercial city of Blantyre, thanks to the coloured dreams of the DPP leadership.

Surely, Dr. David Livingstone must be turning in his grave!

In case you are not familiar with a borehole(having grown up in cities), I will freely prepare you for this spectacle.

A borehole is an ancient technique that dates back over three thousand years.

It originated in China, where bits of bamboo, attached to a heavy weight, were used to drill water wells.

Since then, the technology has somewhat evolved, but the concept and contraption are the same.

These contraptions are what our colour-dreaming pharaohs have decided should service us at QECH, as they invest our hard-earned taxes in a new Banqueting Hall at the State Residence,so that they can party in more trendysurroundings.

Now, please permit me to digress a bit.

Not too long ago, a veteran and esteemed scribe called this very same DPP a ‘watered-down version of Boko Haram’.

I did not agree with this assessment because the middle “P” in DPP supposedly represents“progressive”.

And the Boko Haram is anything but progressive!

Today, I am having second thoughts.

In this day and age, which “progressive” government provides its metropolitan patients with boreholes in a country’s commercial capital?

Who does that?

Not that money is in short supply, no.As we all know – there is enough in the 2015/16 Budget to build banquet halls at the State House.

We have enough to multiply the already bloated and often unaudited State Residence Budget.

Lack of money therefore is not an excuse.

Shortage of money is not why we are going backwards.

We will be drinking from boreholes because DPP has an overwhelming urge to see us drink from boreholes because the DPP, like its Naija brother, loathes progress, as we know it.

Just like Boko Haram detests Western Education, these characters believe we are not fit to drinktap water. They know best what is good for us.

What cheek!

DPP, a watered-down version of Boko Haram? What further evidence do we need?Do not laugh or celebrate because this comes with a problem.

Firstly, I doubt if the DPP banqueting halls will be fitted with the boreholes they want us to drink from, when we are sick.

Secondly, and more seriously, with this love of ancient ‘technologies’ for “others”; and state-of-the-art banqueting halls for “them”; the DPP taxes on sms texting and internet now begin to make sense.

Personally, I have braced myself for a presidential decree that will condemn the use of smartphones and androids andcompel us to revert to the predecessor of the telephone, i.e.two tins connected by string – in lieu of a telephone.

After all the foundation has already been laid viapunitively prohibitive taxes on a service that the majority of us, the 15 million of us, barely afford.

Some advice?

First, for you my dear fellow countrymen and women condemned to boreholes: start collecting tins and strings, their prices willsky-rochet when a law is passed making them the ‘official means of communication’ in keeping with this borehole-at-queens-in-21st Centuryregressive thinking.

Secondly, and seriously, President Peter Mutharika should know that when push comes to shove, Queen Elizabeth Central Hospital and Kamuzu Central Hospital are where we are rushed to during emergencies.

In his shoes, I would ensure that, in the least, these hospitals have running water, which is a vital for surgical operations and safe motherhood.

While the State House [Mapwevupwetu Hall]  Banquet-hall is a luxury which we cannot –given the prevailing economic hardship – afford; running water, in any hospital is literally a matter of life or death.

And President Mutharika should know this better than many of us.

I rest.

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6 years ago

BT waterboard is a shame to the people always is having excuses. This waterboard should be removed and have new people who can have people at heart. Bt is the poorest waterboard supply than all other waterboards in Malawi. They have no excuses today cause the problem is greedy and employing wrong people.

d simale
d simale
6 years ago

the solution is mounting vast water reservours, game down.

6 years ago

Someone is praising DPP for drilling boreholes in a commercial city,stupid idiots.Someone is saying this will lessen water bills at the hospital,why has DPP raised tax on internet and other related services?I think Malawians are now taken for a ride.How can we allow uncircumcised Caroline Savala to whoop over k100million from govt coffers under our watch?Malawi lidzakhala dziko lomvetsa chisoni mpaka kalekale.

6 years ago

Thinking loud , water can travel far and fast why not pump water from lake Malawi to Blantyre ! it will make more sense and some one will get work to do , rather than cash gate ! Knowing Malawians they will want someone to fund it and they steal the money !

6 years ago

Some will call it great reason, same hate, some tribalism and so on but lets face this issue with a sober mind. Drilling boreholes at the hospital can be the alternative to the shortage of water which is due to interruptions in water supply- is due to rationing of the scarce resource im not sure on that and we believe people will be helped at the hospital with the warer from the boreholes and Malawians are not against that, the issue is why bt water board is failing to supply water to the city. 51 years of in of independence… Read more »

Mbwerera za Nzeru
Mbwerera za Nzeru
6 years ago
Reply to  malawian

SURE????? How about halting the banquet hall project and turn the money on reserve tanks. I think a reserve tank in a size of hall can contain millions of litres enough to ensure no water shortage and more safer water than a borehole.

concerned citizen
concerned citizen
6 years ago

I have three questions. 1 .After the boreholes are sunk are they going to be connected directly to the piped water system of the hospital? 2. Is the water going to be treated before consumption ? It is most likely that the under ground water in the city of Blantyre is contaminated. We all know that the sewage system in Blantyre is most of the time running over the surface in many areas of the city and ends up sipping into the ground and also into the already contaminated rivers in the city. Question 3. Are there no pit latrines… Read more »

6 years ago

Yah, Malawi now, I think its totally absard to condenm the construction of boreholes at queens hospital. Look at how people suffer when water board cannot supply enough water to the residents. The construction on boreholes does not mean phasing out mipopi imene ilipo but just suppimenting. So to a person who is non partisan and with balanced thinking, I see no reason for showering insults at one another for this. Look even people living in low density areas have boreholes in their yards, that doesn’t mean they are living in stone age era no. koma a Malawi kukonda kunyoza… Read more »

6 years ago

And the banquet halls bwana? Mwadumphapotu. Wasn’t financing long term solution for BT water woes supposed to be the priority instead of the banquet halls? Kapena ndikumene mumadyera ma banzi? Think.

Charles Muheya
Charles Muheya
6 years ago

Keep on making noise about the results of Dalani’s result – but know is that up to now, government has not yet paid pensioneers their 14th money! I salute the DPP government for this.

6 years ago

Majority of Malawians use borehores,R they stupid?may b. Boreholes ll help [email protected] now till then..above all govt is not well [email protected] moment

6 years ago
Reply to  Sd

Abwana, mwaswera?

I have read all the comments to this article and congratulations, yours is the most pathetic.

Please consider kubwerera ku sukulu. It could do wonders to your thinking capability.

Am ready to help.

Honourable Chanamuna
Honourable Chanamuna
6 years ago

Pangozi kakhani galasi ili kkkkk

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