Dzuka Malawi: Banning witchdoctors in Malawi, the most educated are biggest thieves

I will not call Malawi a thieving nation, not that’s become too easy. We can have all the tags for Malawi, but it won’t change the fact who we are. Actually, forget I ever called you names my dear nation. We are holiest of lands, God-fearing, porn-sharing and of course hunting albinos for sport. I know you are raising your eyebrows.

Let me start this entry by commending His Excellency the President for responding and leading in the anti-albino killings awareness. There is now talk of the threat my dear friends are facing and at least they can assured that the highest office is with them. The reaction from Jappie Mhango, my former King Juliet and Inspector General Kachama was commendable. I am still waiting for the strongest voice from the Church and Mosque.

Others have suggested that we should do a “Magufuli” and ban traditional or witchdoctors, or in plain language “ sing’anga”. I do not have an opinion on the ban, as I have found a sing’anga to be a source of amusement. I know dozens of politicians, prophets, doctors, teachers, wives and husbands all do attend various sessions by witchdoctors.

I am not intimidated by witch doctors, they failed to deal with that Humanist Thindwa. The challenge is that we have too many people believing in all sorts of thieves that its difficult to separate charlatans from thieves from witches and wizards from Prophets to politicians.

We have too many thieves among us, that we need to pass an Act of Parliament that legalises thieving. It is a national activity. I will try to illustrate and please find where you fit in.

Lets start from the moment you decide to have your own house. You want to buy Land. You can count how many thieves you have to deal with. Every City Council, District Council or Lands Department has specialised thieves. They steal from you from the day you want to drop your application to the day your house will finish. Actually, the way it is institutionalised you would think there is a percentage that goes to the highest offices be it at Lands, City or Malawi Housing. The biggest problem is that nobody is doing anything about it, because they are all part of the ring.

The easiest land for you would be at a Chief in Chileka or Mpemba, or Phwetekere or Nanjiri or somewhere along Ekwendeni road or near Chinamwali or five miles. The problem is our customary land has changed hands, that the people are busy selling the same to five people.

After the hustle of getting land, try to get City Council approve your plan or the same Lands give you a title deed. You have to walk, bribe and shout, get angry and sing Gwamba’s “zizakhala better” a million times before you get what you want. Yet people are employed and paid 365 days to do the simple work.

The headaches wont go away as you are building, the builders will steal your sand, quary, planks, cement and everything will suddenly triple in price if you send them to buy. If you go and buy, Malawians in Asian shops can steal for you everything. By the time you roof your house, the cost will be five times normal. If you are outside the country never bother to trust your relations, without shame they will feast on your money and no single brick will be laid.

Finally you think you are done and will move in your house quickly. I have simple advice, dig a borehole forget the new rules of city, it does not matter. Water Boards you have to bribe and dance and shout. At ESCOM, its worse, they will tell you to buy all sorts of things even poles unless you really bribe them. ESCOM waiting time the shortest non bribed service is one and half years. The rest who got connection faster they are related to big guns or very good at bribing.

The story if you pretend to know is the same about getting a box house from MHC, getting quicker treatment at hospital. Road Traffic it has been documented enough of the open corruption and thievery, but being a land of thieves authorities think of it as a joke.

Go to Police, Police report, even if it means just two paragraphs it takes ages unless you grease a policeman. The same with Police bail, at Police roadblock if you don’t drive a VX or 4×4 or you don’t look Indian you will be harassed in bus leaving drugs and marijuana passing.

I have little love for minibus drivers, but they suffer more than us at the hands of traffic police. Literally harassment and extortion.

At Immigration, they have sold and sold our passport to Nigerians and others. I met at Indian in Limbe who couldn’t speak Chichewa but he had a Malawian passport. He had been in Malawi for two months. Thousands of Burundis, Rwandese and Chinese have work permits and  business permits just because a thieving Malawian could not resist anything.

In Church, donations and church offerings-especially fundraising are sponsoring church elders who cant stop fundraising and coming up with “special projects.” The church stopped giving to the poor and now its reaping off the poor with messages that if they “sow” they will reap. Unbelievable as it is, educated, well decorated people are busy sponsoring and buying “anointed” junks for easy money.

Our society has reached pathetic levels. Government Ministries and Departments officials stealing, football officials stealing, our children now steal billboards and even trees planted for re-sale. People are stealing dogs.

But who will impart morality when adults are busy kidnapping and killing albinos, diplomats paying themselves hundreds of millions, HIV money disappearing, all sorts of cashgate that suspects answering charges keep mentioning name of a Head of State as an accomplice.

We have become a very sick society, we still with impunity and because we are all thieves, those on top, those in legal enforcement and those who pretend to be church leaders cannot save us. They are busy stealing also. Imagine the billions lost at Carlsberg, Press, banks and other private sector companies.

The country needs special deliverance, weekly national day of prayers to remove the soirit of theft we have developed. I fear for the next generation.

Dzuka Malawi, everything smacks corruption. Everywhere bribery and corruption is order of the day. Jobs, college exams and every where. We are busy stealing from ourselves. We are busy steaking our future. I always shudder to think what would happen if we one day woke up to find one of the politicians, lawyers, pophets, farmer, police, immigration, road traffic and even our own children have stolen the country had sold it off. That is if we have not already sold it. Pray for Malawi!

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