New year- some laughs and expectations?

Last year was a pain up most of us our a….s, just as it might have turned a gold mine for some – mostly those close to the Peoples Party (PP) administrators, Paladin management, and of course, not for many of us!

Someone last time commented on one of my columns to let the laughing to the readers. But hey, when it is someone telling somebody how to behave, when they have just been acting worse a few months ago, that calls for a good laugh – even from tardy authors like she-one.

So, ha ha ha ha ha! How do you explain the ex-ruling (dictatorship) Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) to get on an ant-hill and start schooling the current leadership about ‘listening to the cries of the people’?

For a moment, I thought late was a myth, some non-existent character only experienced in old Agogo’s folklore stories over the wood fire, but pinch myself I did, and whoosh! Yes it was – the very same Dhi Phi Phi of unwound Dr. Hetherwick Ntaba and coiled Patricia (my name sake) Kaliati trying to go to town on how to run Mother Malawi.

Stop the nonsense before some two blind people rock this ship!

General Odillo: Nyasa Times ‘person of the year’

For starters, it was late Bingu wa Mutharika (May He RIP) who actually told everyone else Malawian, spiced up by every one else donating to the Malawian kitty, that ‘Bingu wa Mutharika ine sindimamvera…’ (I Bingu wa Mutharika does not listen…’.

This may not be the exact quote, but he did say some nauseating and undemocratic words to that effect. As a Professor (courtesy of some Chinese university, whatever), the man had no-one or saw no-one to answer to. At some point, he even challenged he was not Jesus.

Slap him, he damn slaps you back – a reference he made to positive criticism and well-wisher comments alike. That man was SPEAK NO EVIL, SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL demigod. He was locked up with his DPP and the lieutenants in the names of Thotho, Kaliati, Vuwa Kaunda, Ntaba, Jean Kalilani, Zikhale Ng’oma and others (who seemed to create their own glory by showcasing their mouths moved faster than their brains before the unbelieving Malawian and else lot.)

That man was a closed box making noise.

They, somewhat, make me shiver at their plain refusal to engage divine intervention at even this stage. How they think this matter has gone past the wise need to engage, deeply, God’s intervention is beyond anyone’s comprehension.

And now they try to play Santa Claus, by offering a tip or two on how to listen to the people or run government. That is not only childish (with a very minimal brain capacity in memory lane), but also foolish (for which this must be), dull (any arguments?), and unwelcome (for all that Malawians can rightfully say)!

Dhi Phi Phi should just go back and do their own homework over and over again and ensure they rise to the occasion on time to the 2014 tripartite elections.

Oh mi-gosh, the elections (and not erections – Madam name sake) are just next year!

Take two: Tanzania and the lake madness

This will never pass for hate language – or anything the Malawi Council of Churches and the collared fraternity would fear as inciting more misunderstanding in the so-called negotiations over our piece of Lake Malawi by the Swahili neighbours.

For starters, what are we, as Malawians, negotiating for? Our own lake up for discussions? We are truly peaceful, and that is our  international plus, never forget!

Whatever, recent outburst from Dodoma categorically blushing aside offers by the churches in Malawi and Tanzania to take a side-part in the on-going negotiations, as ecumenical mediators, only shows how unGodly Tanzania’s leaders in their capital are.

They, somewhat, make me shiver at their plain to engage divine intervention at even this stage. How they think this matter has gone past the wise need to engage, deeply, God’s intervention is beyond anyone’s comprehension.

It is plain clear that even our old ancestors in both sides of the border often engaged their ‘gods’ to pray for rains, thanksgiving for bumper harvest, war, etc – but the bunch toeing Jakaya Kikwete’s footsteps seem to come out of nowhere but planet Mars, where again, God still controls. So whence are these Dodoma aliens from?

They are deafened in their ears by their greed and jealousy. They have all the water bodies they can ever cry for, and yet some countries like Botswana and Swaziland can only wish for such abandunt water massses.

Lake Tanganyika around Rukwa and Kigoma and Zambians, Congolese, and Burundians peacefully watch them enjoy that. Then the gigantic share in Lake Victoria around Kagera, mwanza and Mara, and yet the people in Uganda and Kenya just watch that large mass being exploited by Dodoma. Again they have Tanga, Dar es Salam, the Zanzibari islands, Pwani, Lindi and Mtwara all shored against the Indian Ocean without much do-ado.

What would happen if the Indians – whose ocean is rightfully called in their name (for whatever reasons) decided Tanzania had enough already and tried to bar them from the breeze? Foolish and greedy Dodoma!

Lake Malawi is for Malawians and is not up for sale neither for sharing, and thanks to the men of God, they can put this into the think brains of the men and women running Dodoma!

Of course back home, the idiocy that is shadowing the 16 Days of Activism against gender based violence deserves heavy retort. How do you explain vendors undressing that young woman as if she had come to ask for their ‘wares’? You know what I mean.

And by the way, do these ‘street dwellers’ have any decency to compare to any woman? All they know is abusing women and girls, and attempting to find any simple excuse to rape them.

The lace the streets of Blantyre and other cities to ‘beg’ from mostly the very women they degrade.

Would it not be proper to have asked the young woman to get a chitenje and cover herself other than undressing her for all and sundry? Rubbish! Let the long arm of the law catch up with such dead brain men who cannot think of ‘guiding’ a ‘lost’ women with the dignity that both the rowdy men should have deserved and the mini-skirted young woman would have taken a good lesson from.

Barbaric acts nauseate me. They nauseate our society. They are a curse from God!

Then the foolish ¬†father that impregnated his own 14 year old step-daughter in Nkhotakota. The man is not only ‘insane’, but belongs to the elves and must be cast out of society for a very long period of time – never to come near any person, male or female again!

And of course, there is the foolish man of God caught pants down shagging one of his congregant’s wife. Father Mkandawire must be dealt with in the strongest of terms. Instead of strengthening the institution of marriage, for many which he has helped ordain, he must be castrated and his ‘parts’ shared amongst his fellow canines that he has shown to be.

And to add pepper to the salt, doing the ‘act’ in the ‘house’ of God itself? Who asked this silly man to play ‘eunuch’ in the first place? Was it not by his own choice that he chose never to marry and even bed any woman? Now what is this, and this is common amongst the so-called celibate people of God. Nuns shagging like hares and fathers, brothers and what have you shagging like cockroaches.

Shame on the church.

Some men of God truly denigrates the High Name of God himself!

And finally, of course, it is great that President Mrs. Joyce Banda has opened a new leaf as we dawned into the year 2013. Now am less worried that the proposed Presidential Debates by the Malawi Electoiral Commission (MEC) towards Tripartite May 2014 elections may turn into chaos.

The way she handled those questions and respected the people on radio almost buffles me. I wonder what Che Bakili would have jokingly called some of the questions and the people behind them, just as the late Professor would have ‘schooled’ the same with his lost pre-Europe accent.

However, Malawians would have loved to ask more questions, and that is where local radios, and thank you Zodiak Broadcasting Stattion (ZBS) should critically look at. JB talked more, in some instances repeating herslef, with few questions on line and through SMS.

As for JB, kudos and bravo. I fail to see any other president that would have majestically explained Malawi’s position at this juncture. Some would have called us chickens and others would have said ‘madeya mukuti chani’?

As for the people that keep condemning everything coming from State House, be it from late Dr. Hastings JKamuzu Banda at that draconian time, from ill Bakili Muluzi those comical two terms, late Prof. wa Mutharika (with much love and not blaming him) with that air of self-righteousness defeating his own ideas, to Mama JB with her fast sometimes less brains utterances, please remember that Malawi is Malawian and any sitting president is our president.

Respect the leadrship and help build Malawi. Tribes, political parties, cultural heritage groups, religious, sex and what have you will never make Malawi a better place for what they are. It is more Malawians that will make this country a nation of achievers and heroes.

Stop stop the nonsense and be Malawians first.

NEW YEAR BEST WISHES: General Henry Odillo – for all the Nyasa Times crew chose you to be the Person of the Year. Yes, some generals might have helped you take that bold step, and many lesser ranks and file and civilians might have talked sense into you – but it was you who made things happen.

Malawians know, however, that there are some gutter-level Generals in your top stride that are always out, if not to deceive you, but to say ill and bad of others, including innocent private soldiers and civilians.

Such are villains that are still locked into their childhood backgrounds of ‘wishful’ thinking that miraculously – through ‘mabodza’, have made them be what they are. These are the Generals that you must beware. These are the chuff that must be watched and removed.

Once again General, you are the only General Commanding in Malawi that has made this kind of great feat possible. Others would have brought Malawi into chaos.

Keep it up for all and God!

Happy New Year to all!

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