Of churches and weddings and za kwa kaisara!

I am still single. So what? Many of you here are also single. And of course, a good number of you here are also not single. Square and square.

And again, some of you may think you are married when in fact you are married-singles. You show the outside world, beyond your door steps, that you are happily married, when in fact you are not.

That can be some pain down the butt. Living a ‘cosmetic’ married life.Masinga HA  HA HA

There are also those people who have well advanced in age, single, widowed or otherwise. But that is a subject for another day, I guess.

Perusing through the social circles, live and cyber, looks like one wedding has got Malawians and others to draw the bad sword out there. Two camps have emerged, and as sure as we know, one is pro-anything
‘wakumangwetu’ and the other is trying to reason over church procedure.

Whatever the situation, it still looks like the other camp is also anti-anything ‘wakwawo’ and that makes Malawians a load of small crazes that fail to look at national interest over homeboy whims and political divide shenanigans.

For me, one Professor Arthur Peter Mutharika, aka APM, aka Professor Calculus (for those Tintin-savvy), is one great man who has outlived his loneliness, conjugal speaking.

We have been told and we have read how the Prof from the USA legal system corridors was once married and lost a beloved wife from the Caribbeans. We have been told, and lately shown, that he does not only
have three children, and that he has been man-enough to sire daughters and a son in his life time.

All this under the background and mad-copy that the man is a ‘gay’ at heart and in act. That the man has a soft spot for fellow men and women seem to be far from his interests.

But again, we have heard that chuff about the women that have been through his life, apart from the departed Carib-lady.

Yes, we heard rumour about one women activist who went flat out trying to discreetly campaign for APM to become man at the helm of Malawi. And now that he is, that lady – a loud-mouthed lady so they claim, is
somewhere attacking fellow women in her efforts to guise her heart and bleeding heart.

Again, these are just rumours.

But they say she is tacked somewhere safe leaking her wounds. She did not envisage an older, almost lame frame, stealing the man of her dreams from her, especially that she would have made a more beautiful First Lady put on the beauty-scale against the victor.

Of course, that is again not the issues here. People have been known to court one person and at the last moment marry another. This is not new, so our activist lady can pull herself up, if its true she is in
momentary pains, and look ahead. There will be other men walking through her corridor traps.

So what if I remain single? Why would you think ‘chinandiluma chakuda’ as is the case with this divorcee? That, hey, for another day.

And I wonder what the church is going to do with this fast-track wedding. There are two schools of thought here, one that there is need, as is church tradition, to have announcements done for three weeks, and others claim its three times, so that can well be done in just one Sunday to suffice this ‘churchly’ requirement.

Whatever the case, that wedding will take place and should take place. I for one as a good Malawian citizen thinks it will not be good to deny the old man his go at having his sweetheart finally call herself
his legally or officially wedded wife.

It has been about 20 years of lonely nights and goo, and this is a perfect timing to enjoy the last of his God-given days in the warm hands of a caring loving colleague.

What is wrong with Malawians? This man was said to be gay. Now that he showed you his kids, you still said he hired some lucky-go-round girls from one part of the world just to help ease off the pressure in that
not-so-good area.

The man has gone a step further to show you that he operates normally by now opening up to marry someone – a woman and not a man, and you still want to draw some blood by asking the church to ignore his overtures towards a solid wedding foundation.

What is wrong with Malawians? Just because his late brother (MHSRIP) married during the presidency, does that mean he cannot marry during his presidency? Where in the constitution is that underlined or
appearing? Let the man be a man and marry even twenty wives for all we care.

Hey, why are we Malawians so against this good event taking place? Yes, he had to wait for all those years, mostly to become president and then tie the knot. So what?

Don’t you know it is sweeter to tie the know with all manner of high level delegates cheering you? People like Comrade Robert Mugabe, and other overzealous regional leaders would like some entertainment aside
their political home problems. They want an excuse to fly to one corner of Malawi, Ndata Farm, and joke over some Amarula, Whiskey, Sambooka, and of course, good old Carlsberg Green.

I fail to understand Malawians. This wedding will not cost the Malawian person a coin of his tax. Its a private wedding. So whoever goes there will go there out of their own will.

The Principle Secretaries, the Directors of Parastatals, the national security agents, the business captains, the church and other faith leaders who always find opportunity to reposition themselves in such times, and of course, all the well-wishing Malawians will go to Blantyre to see the man and woman of the moment say I DO and later join the two down to Thyolo for some great revelling.

The chiefs and everyone will be there on their own coin. No government penny will be spent.

After all, that is what Vice President Saulosi Claus Chilima has indicated. All the 38 or so million kwacha budget is solely from “well-wishers” who should not think they are buying any form of kickbacks from government.

With such a budget and such a warning shot fired, I still wonder why Malawians think this wedding is a worst of time and national resources. That it is ill-timed as we should have been talking new
ministers (cabinet) and not who is marrying who!

But perhaps, on second thought, we as Malawians have overheard the statement WELL-WISHERS and we have fast learned to understand what it means.

Those PSs, Directors, Police and army personnel, Dausi’s undercover ‘thugs’, and everyone will have to find their own means to that wedding.

This is where Malawians will be vigilant and open their eyes to see. This is where the development partners and donors should also cast their interests on. This is where civil society organizations should lock down on. This is where the faith groups should be praying over a miracle happening.

This is where Malawians know this leadership is going to rip them off.

Someone joked, after appointing Goodal Gondwe the only minister so far in Malawi’s executive arm, APM is busy popping champagne with old Gondwe, musing how the likes of Kaliati and Chaponda are whining over delays to get into the ministerial Mercedes.

Hey, this wedding could be dealt with differently, cabinet should have been first. APM and Goodal should act with maturity, first things first, and as we all know, APMs marriage is priority over anything else.

The rest of the business will come after June 21st 2014.

For now, the old man and woman must be sent to their love bed, among with billions of hard-earned tax-payers money. Shut-up about that FROM WELL-WISHERS thing.

And for the church, please worry about your own CHURCH-GATE than repositioning yourselves using marriages and weddings and whatever.

I believe no poor man was going to be allowed to wed in that church on such short notice, convenience or not. But moneys speaks, bullshit walks, the church eats, Malawians watch!

I did not need to make any sense with this. You know what am talking about. Silly!

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