Rapping the year 2015: Malawi stituation

Well, like my namesake Aunt Patricia Akweni Kaliati, I should agree I have been rather so ‘kusowa’ much of the last part of 2015. Not by design, but as the namadya bwino and top bosses of our world usually say, I  engageged with other things ‘equally important’. So there.

2015, right? A good riddance or a must keep?

Perhaps we need to start with the most current itch itself, that Escom has received the nod from MERA to hike its tariffs.

Listen to this: “Electricity tariffs to go up from January 2016. The Malawi Energy Regulatory Authority (Mera) Board has resolved that ESCOM electricity tariffs be increased from an average of MK40.69/kWh to MK53.69/kWh (or US$0.08 per KWh), with effect from 1 January 2016.”

In a statement dated December 22 2015, Mera Board chairperson Dingiswayo Jere says the board made the decision on December 2.

Fine and good. We all live a life with progress in our minds. And we all also want to make a profit.

But hey, wasn’t it just very recently that we had blackouts day in and out some wise brain rebranded our core power supplier Boscom (Black Outs Supply Commission of Malawi)?

And we all know this no-black outs momentum we are enjoying right now is just a festive season bluff. Come 4th January 2016 we plunge back into an era of both God’s given and Boscom initiated darkness.

We know it will be risky to stock fresh foods for any month in our fridges. We know fresh food dealers will lose business in rotten merchandise.

We know late hour pub-revellers lives will be put at risk, first, tipped against possible thugs on the dark corners going back home and two, warm beers that have more powerful intoxicating tendencies than colder ones – just as Night Vigil and Night of Prayer women and girl pugilists will be put at risk of sexual attacks by night stalkers as well as libidinous pastors, church elders, and choir masters who have no humane powers to pull their zippers up and keep them there unlike they can easily maintain their Bibles and hymn songs up their armpits.

The scenario either way will see a Boscom induced baby boom. And our population strides are no figures to be proud of considering our land/ geographic and economic size!

Again, thugs will easily attack us in the dark just as investors will give us a colder shoulder. You can’t manufacture iron roofs, for instance, on a genset just as you can’t seriously extract uranium on bags of charcoal.

Speaking power generation, hydro for Malawi is being over exerted. Can we also explore geothermal and wind, solar energy?

“Chimutu! Barman, another glass of one, please. Make it red this time. You said I already had six of the white? Ndi khisimisitu iyi!”

Secondly, failure to table and pass the Access to Information (ATI) bill.

Did you say there are some inconsistencies in the bill or there are a lot of skeletons in government places? Hey, plain and simple, the leadership does not want to be transparent and accountable to it’s own people, its very employers.

And yet they claim the have engaged full gear in fighting corruption and massive theft of public resources.

Pass that bill, and we all get to enjoy its fruits. That bit is not for journalists. It’s neither Misa piece of legislation. Its for Malawians to participate in the running of affairs governing them. After all, er all pay tax and many of you up there are tax exempt.

Gays. For the first time in his life, maybe because the man just wants to wrap his year on a good note, dirty George Chaponda is right.

The US and UK have so much space within their countries where gays are prohibited. And why should the entire Malawi be infested by bent minds, gays!

I join him to say those powers, their money or not, can best live this issue to Malawians to decide. We aren’t South Africa. If their money is dirty, may they keep it.

There is cleaner money in the East. Like Comrade Mugabe, yes Uncle Bob, we can embrace the Yuen and let the Dollar wipe them gay bottoms.

An even better idea, please transfer all gays and lesbians to the US and UK, etc. Inform them it’s under the adjective *asylum. Yes, running away from ‘gay persecution and prosecution”.

Apparently, 14 years in jail is just too little a legal remedy. Give us LIFE!

Hunger. Most Malawians won’t afford their food this year. Bad rains, etc, Climate change, are all to blame. Also unharmonised policies around climate change, land, agriculture, etc.

We can do better.

Finally, the Road Traffic Directorate. Who or what, even which, do they think we are?

They introduce an extra card just for you to be able to get a service like COF or vehicle change of ownership. And again with their Interpol madness, they deliberately register your vehicle Chasis number erroneously, leaving out a few end digits, and asking you to pay K5,000 to have your blue book corrected.

This government is out to kill us. Next year 2016 let’s put it in serious check.

I wrap my year 2015 rap.

Happy New Year!

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