Dzuka Malawi! Miracle money, gays and why we are poor

Happy 2016, where are we today? In Malawi its raining gays, oops I mean the biggest challenge facing Malawi is what two adults do in their bedrooms, the Church is angry, politicians like Ken Msonda are so agitated that they want to have all gays killed pronto.

Suddenly NGOs like Centre for Development of the People (Cedep) are convinced people are out for a genocide on all suspected gays. Suddenly, first two monthinto 2016, we have no problems or challenges, our biggest problem are gays.

Hold on, there are two interludes, a Prophet in Area 25 turned into a snake, my cousin heard it from a friend who heard from a friend’s aunt who was passing by Nsungwi and heard from a vendor selling tomatoes who had heard from a bar man at a Kachaso at Kang’oma who eeeish, who heard from……. Suddenly thousands of busy Malawians convinced that Prophet Snakes are worth lynching- stop their money making business and attend to a very important national discourse- rumour mongering. After wasting energy and time, it all turns out that it was just a rumour.

But still hold on, we the educated lot on social media have another one, Prophet Sherperd Bushiri has bought the same jet twice. We all go bonkers, praising and believing, criticising and condemning, why does he not help his compatriot’s poor.

Bushiri, according to his spin machine heads, has 30 mineral mines, 27 gold (I am waiting to get the location too), a University in South Sudan (get the name please) and he launched a multi-billion dollar foundation which nobody has yet “testified” to have benefitted from. Of course a “miracle bank” and “miracle mobile” is on its way.

We perhaps spend too much money believing in miracles, witchdoctors and Satanism, that our national discourse has been reduced to three- sex – in this category there are three- porn sharing, gays and rapists, miracle money-prophets, God fearing mantra and Satanism and finally our trade mark “gossip and rumour mongering.”

A whole national radio went to town on a former president claiming he had engaged privately after someone sick twisted an innocent picture- that’s the level of rumour mongering and gossip we are proud of.

Then we wonder why we are poor today. Why we have to kneel down (the spiritual part of the country) and ask God for water to water our crops. If this is not enough we will be praying while our hearts full of “kill gays” or “stone Simama hotel” for being Satanist hub. You can’t have a cake and eat it, they say. God gave us enough water, one third of Malawi is water, we lack brains to utilise it.

Illovo grows millions of tonnes of sugar not from rain, but from irrigation from Shire River. At national level our discourse is not how best we can utilise our waters, our thinking is let’s kneel down and ask for water from heaven! You want to know why you are in a hungry and poverty stricken society?

Ulalo Holdings, that of social media commentator and practical millionaire Joshua Chisa Mbele announced recently of 200 megawatts solar power generation project in Dedza East. That did not even attract a mention by most of the nosiest social media owners, instead we were so obsessed with Bushiri’s jet and the Presidents motor-home.

The Sunday school bible I went to says clearly “uzadyathukutalako.” Malawians should stop complaining, stop politics and stop gossip, stop useless debates like gays and start serious national discourse that shapes our thinking into productive citizenry.

In Zambia, they passed a new constitution, apart from that, concrete making and poultry businesses has been classified as projects for citizens only not foreigners. That’s progressive national discourse not waiting and singing for money from heaven, that according to Bible does not exist. You work you eat, very simple.

Everybody, even lazy people who sit down and gossip on Facebook the whole day complain about the economy of Malawi. The Burundi’s, Tanzanians with their Taifa market or timber in Mzuzu and even a nsima bar at Songwe, Nigerians with motor spares and electricals, Chinese with toothpicks to fake hair styles, Indians buying all produce and selling everything are not complaining. We even proudly post photos eating “nsima” cooked by Chinese.

Who is buying from these people? Why is Be Forward in Malawi full time even sponsoring a well known football team, why is a cigarette company sponsoring a team worth MWK500 million in a country where the economy is bad. Why are beer companies running millions of kwacha competitions when people have no money to spend.

No, as Thom Chiumia wrote the other day in Loose Cannon column, the problem is with Malawians. There are five industries flourishing Churches and Prophets, Witchdoctors, Beer and Cigarette companies, politicians and foreigners.

The Late Bingu wa Mutharika used to say, Malawi is not poor, it’s the people that are poor. Our poverty of mind is very pronounced as you see educated people on Facebook asking you to send their numbers to share pornography or lists of sex philanderers. Our poverty of mind is clear when we spend five weeks debating “gay sex” instead of debating what we can do to replace rain fed agriculture.

Malawi politicians are worse, nothing good can come out of them, they are all behaving like the same, they cant inspire national discourse that will teach our children values of hard work, education and innovation.

Today in most neighbourhoods, you find men under a tree drinking from morning, gossiping or plotting how to “cashgate.” Others are busy gossiping and spreading rumours on social media, others are politicking.

The sad part of rumours and rumour mongering, is after smashing Simama Hotel one day for lost kids who had disappeared into the hotel, the kids were found not anywhere near the Hotel, but at home playing. Without shame we nearly lost an investor who is employing Malawians.

2016 is a new year, lets bring new thinking. Starting with individuals, gays were there in the Bible that’s why God said it was a sin, just like theft, adultery and many more we try to pretend do not happen, but that wont bring food on the table. Go and find a slice of money making venture.

For the young generation, there is no miracle money. Read again, we had millionaires like Nalilo Khoromana of Nali Fame, Phekani of Phekani House, Kansawa of Tikumbe Limited, Chinsima of Kudya Hotels, Makhumula of Yanu-yanu, Chend aMkandawire of Hotel Chenda in Mzuzu, we still have Khondowes of Kalikuti fame, the Mlombwas of Country Wide, Leston Mulli of Mulli Brothers, Nopolean Dzombe and his Sugar and agriculture schemes, Jimmy Korreia Mpatsa of Mpatsa Trust, Henry Mussa and his Eagle Insurance, Patrick Mbewe and his Trust Auctioneers and Chilembwe , Gospel Kazako and his media empire Zodiak, and many more Malawians who worked tooth and nail to be where they are today.

If you invest money at Church, pub or internet bundles to share gossip and porno, start self-reflection today, you will die a miserable soul while Prophets and beer companies are flying all the way in your sponsored jets…….. Dzuka Malawi!

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Fact ! Poverty of the mind is what it is

Mirella K

Analyst my man! I too ‘…exercise my right to reserve my bestowment of accolades …on some of the names mentioned’ haha They shouldn’t role models in the first place bcoz if they should, Malawi will even more worse of than it is. Anthu akuba awa!


I agree with this malawians are busy with issues that won’t bring them food on the table


where is miracle money?


“Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

smoko boy

Good advice.


True! The mind of a typical malawi is still in infancy, believing things without evidence! This is the reason, homophobia is rampant, this is the reason there are so many churches (coz it’s a business of selling supernatural stuff), in fact the church is one of the fastest growing businesses in this country, then there is the bit about witchcraft which usually goes hand in hand with religion! It’s very very sad, these minds will never survive in the 21st century! We are a superstitious lot, no rational thought whatsoever! The country has the poverty of the mind….

Leonel Massia
Reading your article is another waste of time as it is not constructive but full of gossip targeting an individual. People like you are the ones destroying Malawi. Dzuka Malawi! Beware that its every believers requirement to give to the church, wether the money will be spent wisely or not by the Pastor’s is none of our business as they are answerable to God. There is no argument on this. The fact that church authorities provide financial reports does not render them accountable to people but its just a way of motivating them to give more. But silver and gold… Read more »

So you think giving to church is a loss? It makes Malawi poor? Are sure, or you are just loaded with words of hatred with church? The people mentioned in this article, do you know how they source their moneys? Do you really know? How I wish you would know the other side of these men.
However thanks for waking us up in some way.


That’s ur opinion, by the way, wot do u have urself??

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