Guns N’ Roses, strike my chord!

I may not have been there when the original Guns’ N’ Roses started their act and did those helluva trucks that bring many of the 60s back into their youthful heydays. And I may not have been there, again, when the British and the Germans signed that damning agreement along OUR lakeshore.

Of course, LAKE MALAWI IS MALAWI’s.

And oops yes, but am sure around when these two crazy soldiers decided to pull triggers against each other!

That I can vouch for – its all news and news is all around. This is not some great secret like Mama JB discussing water limits with some key stakeholders. This is true and a bullet, is it two, did what they
were created for just this weekend, ahem.

Albeit in now-discovered wrong hands.

So let me take a sure turn at these two love-drunk soldiers at some KB corner.

Yes, the losers decided to make use of the Hollywood-style full metal jacket spewers on each other, instead of sending each other some rose flowers, thorny as they may be – at least they come in all colours and sizes and floral twists.

I know of red flowers – these would have informed the lady soldier something was about to happen. Code Red baby!

Blue flowers – haven’t you been to any UN missions? Blue is for peace building, mostly, but the guys in nkhwani may explain that much better than I can. So such a blue rose flower the she soldier should have tried to present to the suicidal he-soldier. Like Blue Hungwe, Blue Crane, and Blue ‘Cock’? Ha ha ha ha!

HALT! Lets talk a bit about them Guns N’ Roses. These American creeps, unlike the neighboring Taifas that have nothing better to do and believe they own what we rightfully own, and very much unlike the two ‘battle-hungry’ soldiers battling it out at some ICU in the capital city, are a hard rock band formed in Los Angeles, California, in 1985.

The classic lineup, as signed to Geffen Records in 1986, consisted of vocalist Axl Rose, lead guitarist Slash, rhythm guitarist Izzy Stradlin, bassist Duff McKagan, and drummer Steven Adler. Today, Axl Rose is the only remaining original member, in a lineup that comprises Use Your Illusion – era keyboardist Dizzy Reed, lead guitarists DJ Ashba and Ron “Bumblefoot” Thal, lead and rhythm guitarist Richard Fortus, bassist Tommy Stinson, drummer Frank Ferrer and keyboardist Chris Pitman.

And again, unlike Tanzanians who are not content with Lake Tanganyika, the Indian Ocean and many other water bodies in their already vast (geographically) country, and again unlike the two poor soldiers that mistook love for a battle-sound call, Guns N Roses as a band released six studio albums, accumulating sales of more than 100 million albums worldwide,[9] including shipments of 45 million in the United States.

Tanzania only managed to release several wrong claims to Lake Malawi. And the shoddy he-soldier only managed to release one single bullet to his chest and another to some part of his poor she-soldier ex-lover!

Guns N Roses’ debut album Appetite for Destruction in 1987 reached number 1 on the Billboard 200 on the strength of the hit “Sweet Child o’ Mine” just after a year of its release. For Tanzania, am sure they gonna cry years on end with no results over the fresh waters of Lake Malawi just like the two poor soldiers that tried to go James Bond and Cynthia Rothrock will forever have lost their job and live with their love-gone-astray bullet wounds!

Not anything to celebrate. Nothing to write back home about – both scenarios being so sad would make Satan cry. These guys beat the devil to his own game. Guns N’ Roses only did the Appetite for Destruction album as a form of entertainment (go ahead argue), but Tanzania is somewhat hard bent at claiming what is not theirs as a hobby and the two lefty soldiers have managed to claim nothing, apart from more sadness from parents, relatives and friends.

They all suck!

Selling 28 million copies of the album worldwide including 18 million units sold in the US alone cannot be equated and should never ever be equated to making headlines over the wrong causes, lake bitching and bullet carelessness. People!

But it is the cover album title “The Spaghetti Incident?” in 1993, the band’s last studio album to feature Slash and McKagan, that I love to equate issues with both Tanzania and its crocodile tear claims for our lake, and the foolishness that our own citizens in uniform have demonstrated.

It is also along the rock group’s long-awaited album ‘Chinese Democracy’ in 2008 which, at an estimated fourteen million dollars in production costs, made it the most expensive album to ever be produced in music history, though it debuted at No. 3 on the Billboard 200 but underwhelmed industry expectations, despite mostly positive critical reception, that the two sad-referrals should perhaps be considered.

To start with, Tanzania’s claims may well be some dream gone-wrong incident. Some ‘spaghetti incident?’ I do not believe that Jakaya Kikwete, with all that cosmetic charm and plastic smiles was serious when he pretended he had nothing to do with those lousy claims.

Am sure somewhere he is Adolf Hitler style shaking that thumb behind his back as he shakes hands with unsuspecting Madame Joyce Banda, promising ‘see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil’ nonsenses that he is trying to fool Malawians with. Somewhere in Zomba along the little
path that snakes to Chikanda and later connects (after much zig-zagging and ado), to the White House, overheard someone warn a drunk colleague, ‘NEVER TRUST A SOLDIER’.

This J. Kikwete is soldier, man. Can he be fully trusted? I wonder.

Again to our barracks incident, you cannot truly trust a soldier. Including one that you truly love. No soldier should ever also trust another soldier for real. Look at these two soldiers, who are supposed
to cover up each others’ back in warfare and all, in deep love for that matter, all of a sudden turn into blood enemies? Can that betrusted?

Where is our security if those entrusted with it cannot exercise to their demands? Am sure this he-soldier must be a ‘soldier-brat’ of some sort. Looks like someone might have forced him to join the army – no wonder he did not take heed to his instructors’ deep advice. Never turn a gun at your soldier colleague – someone told me they say ‘buddy’!?

Well, this one just did. Turned the gun over to his FF  (Friendly Force or Failed Friend) in a love situation. A matter of emotions and, perhaps self ego on the  high side of adrenalin.

For those that wonder what this is all about, well, try and listen to Guns N’ Roses’ The Spagthetti Incident. You can google that, lazy brains.

As much as the band’s late 1980s and early 1990s years have been described as the period in which they brought forth a “hedonistic rebelliousness” reminiscent of the early Rolling Stones, a reputation
that had earned them the nickname “The Most Dangerous Band in the World”, I would suggest that Kikwete and Tanzania shun away from being labelled ‘The Most Dangerous Neighbours’ for Malawi, just as the two soldiers battling for their lives after a love-and-bullets affair went crazy would be labelled ‘The Most Dangerous Misfits’ the Malawi Defence Force have ever had.

Let us all pray such soldiers would not see the life of the front-line should our neighbours not heed the wisdom to call off the lake claims!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Was I dreaming too!

Dreams, sweet Tuesday dreams! Ha ha ha ha!

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