Malawi cities go weekend gaga! Ha ha ha!

Hello dudes and dudesses, if we got that second word somewhere tacked deep in the dictionary. But hey, fan or no fan, somebody said the BriSHIT and, errrrr, well, instead of the BriTISH, have a saying to go: – ITS FRIDAY!!!

And damn right that. What did the AmeriNACS instead of the AmeriCANS say: – DAMN SHIT, TS-FRIDAY!

And well, am saying – Friday ndi imeneyi achakulungwa titakate!

I happen to have a nose for news; an eye for all that is good and bad, and the stamina of a woman who can never stop talking, that is what my HA HA HA! Column wishes to share the info-load up my brains with you, losers.

Why losers, you seem no to know where to end up this weekend. First, perhaps because you are bloke silly you think the newly introduced MK1,000 should lace only Mulli’s pockets, and second, because you are bloke all the same. Who cares? I do, not you. So here you go.

Lilongwe – the dusty streets!

Well, it may be the capital city. It may be where the bucks rule. It may be where brothers share booze like air and sisters share dudes like shoes, but the core is that this is where Mama JB roosts and rules. And that is what matters for now – GIRL POWER!

Nzazi (forget the multiple spellings – Zanzi, Mzasi, etc) is the place to check out this weekend. If you got the cash, and the stamina to last, you ought to be told that the place does not stop. Well, the people stop- the joint remains.

Miss Lilongwe Queen happening Friday  at Capital Hotel will end up with a Nzazi after show. Can you imagine that? You spend a cool MK1,500 advance and MK2,000 at the door at one of the city’s oldest hotels to watch nearly naked sisters battle for the crown from 7pm, then the organisers have the audacity to lure you to dance your visuals off at Nzazi at an extra MK700 gate entry charge.

That is what I call smart. So little girls race to the crown and hungry dudes come watch and drop your unkempt jaws as you salivate at what sisterhood has to shake.

Lilongwe is not just about smooth legs doing the cat-walk, but you can also get closer to your God by coming to Sheaffer ICA Marquee and watch the Live Gospel Music Concert where Llyod Phiri, Favoured Sisters, saucy Thoko Katimba, and the Marvellous Deeds will charm your spirits closer to heaven. Remember that will be on 29th this Sunday from 1330hours after you have gone through your usual ritual of shouting insults at Satan at your beloved congregation. Way to go, dudes.

Data reaching me says these spirituals will be raising for orphans – so bring that MK500 and be a good Samaritan. Miriam Kuseni and Good Friday will be supporting acts. Ha ha ha!

I am not good at giving out information in chronological order, so who cares, as we roll back to Saturday and takes a peep into Chameleon Bar at Four Seasons. Come Saturday 28th, rastas answering to Soul Riders will epitomize your Jah spirits when they present the Reggae Winter Nite Live package from 0830pm at an entry token of MK500. And if that is not enough, the sense-mina scented musicians will call for your presence after feeding your eyes at the Serendipity Café (Old Town Mall). The alibi? Q Malewezi’s Pillow Talk, all things poetic.

What’s with Q’s love for pillows? I don’t know, but from 3pm you will have to listen to him, and avoid dozing off, as he preaches pillows and talk his talk and walk that little stage walk as he hosts, free of charge, some 10 three open mike slots so be the first to register, and then he will also do magic with you by offering three featured poets and an acoustic music session to sit you back and relax.

Making any Q sense here? I wooondddeeeer!!!!!!

Blantyre – bloke dudes!

They love to think themselves suave and snug, and all that is American high life and British best creations. These guys and guyesses (check your dictionary again) really are out to make a hula of the weekend.

Unlike the way they are unwilling to buy or offer their very colleague a bottle of beer (kuwumira), they are open and first to offer you some crazed tip top entertainment. And that is what makes their life tick away – 24/7. They dress in great outfits, and pile designer shops with lay-by tickets you would not need to procure any toiletries!

And that is not all B-city has to offer. The streets may be clean and so the air and the sidewalks green with envy, but they have the spirit to twist their mouths to Satan’s hell. Not all of them, that is why we have sanity in B-city, and well, this is just some joking – no trading barbs! Get a life, tell me dudes.

Take one, Mustang Sally  Friday night from 8pm till you drop. Hear that rap? Till you drop. Drop what, your panties? More like, but Deejay’s Boo and Joey will hit you track after track for your pansy MK500 worth departure. You will watch those great hair styled girls shake what their mama gave them, and loser guys compete to impress them at this crib.

You will also have to brave the Gin Fiesta void of staccato, if you know what that means. So hey, Friday Wozaaaaa for B-city will be just as great.

Second take is Blue Elephant where THE LAST JAM will be puked up your brains by the likes of Young K and Blasto. These dudes can rap you’re a….e, but they can also drown your brains with lines that knit no straight story sometimes. So be warned to listen and listen well to their witty vibes, and make out the story for yourself from their multiple meaning words.

They are a B-Bomb, B for Blantyre, and they are making entertainment worthwhile even on MBC television. Which is a plus, so be there boys and girls and part with your MK500 to see these dudes snivel and Fi Kenny Klimps bowl out music. They promise a load of giveaways.

Dikamoto Arts will also be at Soche Technical College. As government through the Ministry of Education, Science and Technology (MoEST) works its way to revamp the secondary school syllabus to include arts on the roster, this will be a sure way to learn a few tricks to stage a play. Watch their Tubes and Containers and see what flows and keeps in these for MK350 students and MK500 outsiders.

Schools aren’t all closed yet!

Zomba and Mzuzu Cities

I just finally wonder what Zomba and Mzuzu cities have to offer, but sure to say G-String will be as busy and welcoming as ever, as will be Viyele Bar near the Mzuzu University. But let’s chop some info around.

You can do that yourselves, people and call me a woman with no manners. Ha ha ha!

Other shows to check out

1. Diva Fashion Nite, Casa Mia (Kabula, Blantyre), MK2,500 non-VIP, MK5,000 VIP, 29th July 2012 from 5pm. The red carpet event! Hahaha!

2. Launch Party, Cool Runnings Pub (Area 47 Sector 2), Charges:- buy a beer (whooops!). Tonight 28th July 2012 from 2 pm sipping on cold drinks and humping on brai all night long. Losers? Ha ha ha ha!
3. Sungununu Wa’Kulu Mix-tape pre-launch (Stanley Lodge, and where is this? Duh!). Saturday 28th July 2012 presented by Miyambi Wear with hosts Luna Mc and MC Kold from 1pm parting with a sneeze MK500!
4. Elegant Cocktail and Hors d’ouvres by Elegant Skin (Protea Ryalls Hotel, Blantyre), MK5,000 in advance and MK6,500 at the door. Wow? Time is 0630pm tonight and if you fancy some cool make-up, make it there at 0530pm. A ladies world I always fancy – see my make-up too? Better be there in Cocktail wear – the dress code. Kikikikikiki!
5. And lastly, though weddings make me sick, please come to the WEDDING FAYRE (Sunbird Mount Soche – poolside) to be inspired and motivated. This 29th July 2012 from 1pm and pay a cool MK500 admission fee. You could book tables if you got more cash-moneyyyyyy!!!!

Ha ha ha!


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