Ooops Kapito's demo, Kachali's mouth and JB's future: Malawi

As usual, I do not take pen to paper for fun, though I love so much fun. But hey, I was ready for those demonstrations come January 17 2013.

One Kapito, is that late Davies Kapito? Nope, I mean one John kapito who leads the country’s consumers through the Consumer Association of Malawi (CAMA). The same brand name that kept late Bingu wa Mutharika (RIP) sleepless though being paid by the very Democratic Progressive Party (DPP) administration of that era in his role as head of the Malawi Human Rights Commission (MHRC).

That is the same guy who has just been rendering new kid at State House, Joyce Banda, Abiti Mtila, sleepless nights. She might have down played Kapito’s incestuous whims to call the populace to the streets against her so-called austerity measures – but we all know she was panicking.

And for a woman, my fellow woman, I know Abiti was just face saving. Challenging the masses to hit the streets and see if the economy will heal an inch. Damn that, I should say.

Back to JK, I almost thought the man was going through with the 17th January innuendo, until this Monday morning when I first thought were rumours that he had called for a ‘recess’.

I do not know if the calls from the opposition parties, some civil society organisations, and lately the church, had finally struck a chord in his grey matter to side step into the ‘dialogue’ mode, or if this was just one helluva plunk the man had strung up just to see how ready Malawians would be, after 19/20 July 2012 protests that dazed Bingu’s international illustration.

But that was then.

So what led to Kapito to change his mind and fold his tail between his legs? Has reason finally caught up with him that whatever may be the actual suffering taking place right now is not quiet the mechanizations of Abiti? Has he finally realised that whatever magic Abiti would try and perform, Malawi’s economy will not change that fast – and that even years after it heals, scars will still be visible?

Perhaps, is it the opposition Malawi Congress Party (MCP) and other lesser party’s assertions to distance themselves from the mass demos that have put Kapito off balance? Well, could it be that young Atupele Muluzi’s ‘Youth Agenda’ has failed to drum up even more support for Malawi’s eager youths to join the ‘fray’ come Jan. 17 as the United Democratic Front (UDF) supported Kapito that has caused the CAMA boss to flinch?

What is it?

Is it that the voice of the civil society, the very groups that led the July 20 demos of yester-year, expressed no support for Kapito and his team that has made the man leading the majority poor Malawians to change resolve? Or is it that the latest call by the Christian Church (as they called themselves in that 10 January press statement suggesting dialogue has more chance than ‘confrontation’ on the streets that has moved Kapito’s spirit to bow down to celestial intervention’?

What is it?

Kapito correctly puts it, or is it his PR officers, that they have decided on a much better and peaceful course of action – ENGAGE GOVERNMENT INTO DIALOGUE. That could be a tall order, though, as Government (it doesn’t matter whether it be Muluzi’s late Bingu’s and indeed Abiti Mtila’s) has always been known to play vacillation tactics.

Government always wants to show it is the boss, and yet the fact is the people are the boss. Government always wants to show they have the powers, and yet true powers are invested in the citizenry. Government always wants to control matters, and yet control lies in the hands of Malawians. Government always want to lead the course, and yet it is the aspirations of the people that must lead the way.

This means Kapito has entrusted Government to seriously engage the people in beneficial dialogue. To that, Kapito means government and not it’s emergent complacency should come first to engage the peoples representatives in reshaping the course that Malawi’s socioeconomic balance should tow.

Kapito, in my belief, has only withheld the demonstrations, and after all, in Kapito it is the people that have only held back their constitutional right to hold the rightful demonstrations and have decided to give government a chance to prove itself its worth. Should government think this is kindergarten, and then as the Church also said, the people will and must continue to demand for rightful answers? Demonstrations will sure take place then – and there will be no turning back!

The church has given a go-ahead for the people to march, peacefully, if government does not take seriously to the proposed constructive dialogue. That for me, is the voice of the people – and God is in the voice of the people and so woo to those that trample upon the peoples voice for its is God’s voice.

My simple advice to Abiti Mtila is to desist from saying more foolish things at political and public rallies against the people’s opinion. JB should reign in her people against uttering more rubbish against their trust in the leadership. Abiti should see to it that her public rallies are not a platform to attack or shame leaders of the dialogue and indeed the demonstrations – halted or not.

Abiti should rise above gutter politics and stop challenging her bosses. We the people of Malawi employed you, despite or albeit the circumstances when late Bingu departed of this world.

JB, watch that mouth of yours. Amayi, be a good and exemplary woman, stop your brainless utterances and make me, a lady, and the many Malawian women, proud for just this once!

Take two: Khumbo Kachali.

A like the coinage, Village Idiot (VI), about people that are truly important in society for they raise issues from behind the curtains, but that are, again, a no-no in society for they may lead people astray or to anger.

Such have been likened to the VI’s Patricia Kaliati my namesake, Dr. Hetherwick Ntaba, Dr. Kalilani, and Symon Vuwa Kaunda of the DPP, the lates Kachimbwinda and Davies Kapito of the ma-skirt and madeya fame during Bakili’s UDF, and so too now we are seeing new faces in that realm.

And Khumbo Kachali perhaps has always been that showy irritation since his teenage hood. Yes, he wore those big American basketball player shots and showed-off before the brethren of Mzimba Boma his youthful basketball skills. He was always the kingpin and envied by the village boys that watched him walk and drive around Mzimba Boma.

Then was a promising and yet not so promising young man eager to make it big in future.

And when the fat boy became the giant fat man that joined politics, it was all smiles and pride in the Mzimba brethren, I should suppose, but now that Abiti Mtila, for one reason or another, made this proud dead North son of Malawi the country’s Vice President, the man has slowly started to slide back into his old ‘American Basketball’ nightmare traits.

It is shocking that KK, as he may be fondly called, is fast killing not his own political career alone, but also that of JB and by extension he is snuffling the political life of the back-door elevated Peoples Party (PP).

Khumbo Kachali speaks, often times, eloquently and leisurely for the benefit of his listeners. And he can be trusted he will say an important thing next, only to disappoint his eager listeners with utter garbage.

He said sorry for the beds, and that Malawians took. But when he starts to use his position or political platform to intimidate good innocent Malawians, then we will not take his remorse any more.

What he said, directing Ralph Kasambara (in his position) to revitalize and probably arrest Kapito is his biggest howler. I would not be surprised if Abiti Mtila will not fire him of the position soonest, as I will not be surprised if Abiti Mtila will not fire him of course, for she does need the Northern vote (which DPP through another VI’s motor mouth, Dr. George Chaponda will not need come 2014) and the trust of the ‘lifeless North’ come Tripartite games slated for next year.

KK, a growing shame, should start to learn to rein his dialect. If his mouth, like Kaliati’s, moves faster than his brains, it would be prudent just to dwell on speeches written by his PR boys and girls, and not divert into saying things that will further ruin his career and undoubtedly remove bread from his table.

KK is a complete opposite of his wife, who often seems cool and only says what should be said (unlike was gabby Callista Mutharika who thought Malawians, particularly those from the North – could not tell the link between fuel scarcity and need for drugs in hospitals and fertilizer in gardens) and stop where she should stop.

Mrs. Kachali is a true Angel, unluckily her hubby is a complete and useless ‘Village Idiot’ who should stop taking Malawians for granted.

Take three: Abiti Mtila

Who said you are immune to public scrutiny? And of course, nobody did and you never did, that is why you played that little stunt on 31st December, if my memory serves me right, when you took answers live from Malawians in that ‘cooked up’ Zodiak Broadcasting Station (ZBS) theatre.

Am not here for arguments, but Abiti should:-

1. realise she went into power by proxy. Yes, we voted here there alongside the late Mutharika, but that does not make her the Queen of Complacency!

2. realise that her little useless multiple trips across the country are hurting Malawians more as her recent international trips did. She does not need to travel often, as her entourage is as huge as the allowances they draw, challenging the OPC and national purse!

3. realise that fertilizer and indeed maize seed distribution is for people down there in the relevant ministries of agriculture and perhaps department of relief and disaster management, whether they are called. It is not of her office to jog around with bags on her head to give to a few needy people in unwarranted political theatricals. Live that to the relevant government officials, chonde Amayi!

4. realise that though it was late Bingu’s administration that messed up Malawi’s economy, Malawians interests are the national economy healing and not late Bingu taking the blame, day in and out, for wrecking the economy. We want her government to take action, and the action should be acknowledged less of the stupid other programs that only help to further drain the finances that poor Malawians pay through heavy and often unrealistic taxes!

Those cabinet ministers are also a bit too many for the size of our financial system. The Mercs they use are guzzlers and the job they do less appreciated as they just heap praise upon praise on you, Abiti, other than address substantial issues that affect the hearts of many poor and ordinary Malawians!

And what is that Presidential Jet still doing around?

5. realise that her political utterances must not make fun of Malawians or individuals alike, but must be seen to build and provide vision about where Malawi should be next. Amayi should talk about her administration will cushion devaluation and not compare Bingu’s mess with her inactivity to tell the IMF and the World Bank, God forbid, enough is enough!

Kodi mukufuna che Bingu adzuki azakonze yekha adalakwitsazo? Malawians know one thing for sure, government is government irrespective who is leading at that time. So Malawians want the Malawi Government to positively slave it for its people – stop the name tagging for once and for all, shrewd politicians. We are not fools!

6. Finally, Abiti Mtila should teach Khumbo Kachali and others in her government that bad-mouthing or threatening Malawians is the last thing they can do. Continuing doing so is only stealing votes for you come 2014. You should know that the majority of these cheap ministers or politicians in your party or administration are all recycled. They have been MCP, then UDF, and then DPP and now PP.

They will quickly, like chameleons, change colour the moment you lose elections and join the next leadership to heap more insults on the ‘duckling’ that threatened them to act the way they do now.

Are you not very aware of that publicity stunt? These guys will join the next President, become ministers as once again, and publicly insult you for what you are failing to do now, their own courtesy, if I may say.

Check loud-mouth Uladi ‘Change Goal’ Mussa, Goodal Gondwe, Godfrey Kamanya, and the list is endless, just to give a few examples. All these have been in all manners of political parties and under all manner of presidency. What will stop them and many others continuing to ‘serve the country’ in the next regime?

The problem is, it has not been known for State President’s to dump their parties and join the other party – there is no ‘crossing the floor’ for Presidents but for ministers and members of parliament (MPs).

Kodi mukachoka pa u-Prezidenti inu muzatani amayi? Anzanuwatu azalowa chipani china, nkumakutukwananinso. Ask Bingu and Kamuzu’s spirits and/or your close ally Bakili Muluzi if you think am lying.

Take four: Abortions and political (other) sex liaisons

It is said about 70,000 women abort in Malawi each year. And to think I have never aborted, perhaps because I use a great deal of protection till the day I will get a man that will be free to explore my gynaecological prospects ’till death doth us part’?

Now a bit of Professor Mathews Chikaonda’s ‘chicken mathematics – divide 70,000 by 12 and you get about 5,833 abortions each ‘moon’; and further down about 1,458 abortions each week, and hey, about 208 abortions each day. You can calculate how many abortions each hour and minute, if you so wish to join Chikaonda’s profession.

Generally speaking, in ten years time, Malawi would have lost an extra 700,000 citizens to the population. What that would translate, with such touch economic times, and scarce water, land and green cover.

Climate change experts would also put in their mathematics and worry, alongside development economists, about Malawi’s ecological and structural development future. Did I get this right?

My only advice is that fellow women, if you want to have sex, and do not want resultant babies, use protection (ask that stud to wear chishango or you can secretly wear that femidom) every time you allow yourself to be explored.

There are a lot of men and women that only enjoy sex, plain, for what it is, and forget that sperm plus ripe egg equals a baby. Such are the buffoons the church needs to work with, not in the manner like Father Mark Mkandawire of Mzambazi Roman Catholic Parish in Mzimba who had wrongful sex with the jezebel Mrs. Ruth Chaula Mkandawire – destroying politician Owen Mkandawire’s marriage, no, but in the true Christ-like manner.

And of course, many people do not want to be responsible for their actions. Could it be brutal to ask government to consider ‘castrating’ such men and ‘blocking’ such women in their reproductive systems so all they are left with is ‘fun sex’ and not ‘procreation sex’?

Just like Abiti cautioned her party authorities from those sexual trysts within the PP. She said outside the party, her ‘devils’ can do it and enjoy it without rubbing pong to her ‘clean’ PP and her person. Ha ha ha ha ha!

This woman said a good thing then quickly defeated it in one breathe. So you mean those dirty sex thieves in your party can devastate other peoples marriages, other peoples daughters’ futures, and whoever’s life, with impudence as long as they do not do it within the party corridors?

Get a doctor, quick!

Finally, now that the 17 July demos are called off and JB may start to appoint people into position for what they are, and that a part of Lake Malawi is still under brainless greedy Tanzanians who want a share of our beloved bonya, would it not be proper to wish us all a Prosperous New Year 2013?


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