TIMAU: What to expect from Mugabe’s meeting with Malawi’s Joyce Banda

President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe has invited Malawi President Joyce Banda of Malawi to officially open this year’s Zimbabwe International Trade fair later this month.

Joyce Banda has actively sought closer ties with the West to help mend her countries ailing economy.

In contrast Mugabe accuses the West of working to force him out of power.

Below is the visionary meeting of the two leaders in Harare;

Mugabe and his wife Grace are led to the meeting room were President Joyce Banda and the first Gentleman are waiting.


Mugabe: Hellow, MuliBwanji, (hugs Joyce Banda) Greets the first gentleman, hellow achimwene, are you taking care of my Shamwali?

First Gentleman: (he is rarely seen smiling, goes into stitches of laughter)  just look at her….. Just look at her, he says.

Joyce Banda: She greets Grace Mugabe, Makadini Makadini (they hug)

Grace Mugabe: (laughs) Mauya, (you are welcome) Makadini, Makadini, Ndafara Kukuzivai,( I am pleased to meet you) I will teach you more of Shona now that you are here…. (They both laugh)

Moments later they get down into serious business.

Mugabe: Congratulations Madam, you have now joined the premier league. How are you settling down?

Joyce Banda: It has been quite an eventful period. I went to United Kingdom and I had discussions with Prime Minister David Cameron and recently I was in America where I also had discussions with Barrack Obama.

They both spoke of the attributes of good governance, transparency, accountability, responsiveness (to the peoples needs) upholding the rule of law, they emphasised on turning away from dictatorial tendencies. They want African countries to hold free and democratic elections. They want us to treat the opposition well.

Mugabe: Joyce, Joyce, the only white man you can trust is a dead man.

These people want to change us, change me for a long time if not get rid of me if not to kill me altogether. And that is the appetite of the West for wealth. We also have appetite for wealth, but not for other people’s wealth. Don’t let them brainwash you. Countries such as U.S and Britain have taken it upon themselves to decide for us in the developing world, even to interfere in our domestic affairs and to bring about what they call regime change. If the choice were made, one for us to lose our sovereignty and become a member of the Commonwealth or remain with our sovereignty and lose the membership of the Commonwealth, I would say let the Commonwealth go.

Did they say anything about me?

Joyce Banda: No, no they did not your Excellency

Mugabe:…..let me tell you something Madam President and this is very important, in most recent times, as the West started being hostile to us, we deliberately declared a look East policy…………..you should also know that the Whiteman is not indigenous to Africa. Africa is for Africans. Zimbabwe is for Zimbabweans.

……One thing you should know Madam President is that we of Africa protest that, in this day and age, we should continue to be treated as lesser human beings than other races…..eh, eh, by the way…what is going on with your lake…

Joyce Banda: This is giving me a headache….I do not know what Kikwete (Tanzanian leader) is thinking.

Mugabe: …..he should not behave like that….I will try to speak to him…

I wish you all the best Madam President….greet the people of Malawi on my behalf……tell them I am in good health as you can see, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I do exercises and I eat a lot of vegetables and fruits. I also received blessings from Pope Francis recently when I went to Vatican.

Remember what I have told you, the only Whiteman you can trust is a dead man.

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