I’m not my hair: Introducing ‘Mdyomba Che Ambute’ column on Nyasa Times

I will get right straight to the point Mdyomba: contrary to popular belief, do you know that it’s possible to praise something without talking down on another? Just because Zonzibini Tunzi won the Miss Universe (2019) title with short hair doesn’t mean you should give all ladies with a different hairstyle a hard time. You’ve gone to town saying how African women shouldn’t straighten their hair or attach extensions. Apparently you like natural hair. And long dresses. Uuumm who are you again sir?

Baba, let women choose what type of clothes they want to wear and what type of hairstyle they want on their head. Underline the magic word: Choice. I believe that this is a matter of autonomy, specifically, being able to choose what they wear. Whatever women wear forms part of their identity so bullying them on what and what not to wear is taking away a part of who they are. This is 2019, men have controlled women since the Stone Age, isn’t it time we let them do what pleases them? Nkhani yake yomweyi? Kumene!

Promoting women’s rights and freedoms is a legitimate concern. But our country usually fails when it comes to creating avenues for women to be in control of their own lives. It’s men on the forefront dictating what they think women should and should not wear. Why not let the women decide for themselves? It’s time we stopped forcing women to conform to male-defined standards of attractiveness.

At the end of the day, these are matters of personal taste and should never to be the source of public shaming or policing. And tell you what Mdyomba, you don’t like a woman with a weave or a wig? It’s quite simple: DO NOT DATE OR TALK TO ONE. Ku banja kwanuko you can go ahead and ban Brazilian hair extensions and weaves but don’t try to force your preferences down other people’s throats. Some of us (surprise!) like our women with hair extensions but you don’t see us bashing those with short natural hair.

Women (especially in professional arena) already find it difficult to get ahead in their careers because they are disadvantaged due to gender stereotypes which generally state that they are inferior to men in almost every aspect including intellect and are therefore rarely considered for top positions in most organizations.

So while women already have to worry about having to work harder and give extra effort just to be acknowledged and rewarded accordingly for their achievements, we should not therefore give them the extra burden of being insecure amongst their colleagues and peers because of the way they dress and style their hair, which is absolutely irrelevant to an individuals ability to perform their job and be successful. Our women have it hard as it is – let’s not make it harder for them over very simple trivial things.

It’s high time we give women the respect they are due, they should be held in high esteem and celebrated for being themselves and afforded the opportunity to express themselves – however they want. Most women play the most important role in families and society as mothers. Take a look at how highly praised and admired the Virgin Mary is by Catholics, because if not for the all strength and sacrifices made by women our male heroes and idols would never have achieved all that they have.

Masile Une Wawo,

Mdyomba Che Ambute.

PS: Who has the contacts for Nyenyezi Beauty? I want to get alamu anu a good quality weave for Valentine’s day.

• Mdyomba Che Ambute is a middle aged, working class man who grew up in the village and managed to get himself out of poverty through hard work and education. He now stays in town and talks about life (economics, politics, love, family etc.) 

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