This time our globe-trotting President be in the office

Dear Abiti Mtila,

I hope you had a nice journey in the USA,at the UN summit with your 40-plus entourage.  I hopefully believe they have brought some good news from kwawo kwa azungu as I also want to believe you had assembled best beggars in town paja ife ndikupempha tilibe tu nzathu,monga inunso mukudziwa. How are our brothers and sisters therein Diaspora? Let me then welcome you back home where you left us  playing with our tongues and saliva to moisten our mouth for we had nothing to bite due to hard times you created,our toungues were turned into a teething ring.

Now Abiti Mtila as you enter your office today I just want to remind you that your ‘in tray’ is so full that it’s my prayer that today only today you will have time to go through it. Look to your right, your ‘out tray’ is empty so sit down so that I brief you on some issues that you need to address before I tell you my mind on your frequent journeys both out and within.

Madam I just want to remind you that while you were away your Good Boy Khumbo insulted us kuti timapita Pakhomo Pa amanu such that your party is now called Pakhomo Paamanu(PP). We feel he never respect women. He even went  as far as ordering removal of young children from the beds while asleep at night  which he transferred to his home area where on 9th Oct there will be bye elections and told people there that your PP led government has bought them for you. The shameful drama that unfolded from this saga can best be told by him alone , I mean your Good Boy KK because for me I will only tell you my mind, enough is enough, I just have to finish briefing you.

Joyce Banda: Next stop, Brussels

Another issue is about shortage of forex and fuel. Do you remember that economics of speculations is what depopularised the once mighty DPP? When speculations about fuel and forex  scarcity were being spread by your underground boys, people had to withhold these commodities hence  depriving others of it  and  accidentally  the Big Kahuna developed cardiac arrest and you found your way in, So madam if you can’t address this mystery I don’t want to assume that you will end just like DPP that suffocated with economics of speculations because as I am briefing you now here in this office these two commodities are not available on the market.

I understand madam on your trip to UN summit you took with you our local chiefs and vendors. In what capacity they accompanied you I don’t want to debate but from what I heard from you is that they went to discuss developmental issues with their counterparts from across the world. Now should I assume that our chiefs have met their counterparts like paramount chief Washington DC, TA New York, Senior Chief Chicago, Sub TA London etc, I guess it a wonderful meeting eeh?

Now madam your in tray is half done. You see? Had it been you were here all these would have been in another office but kuyendayenda inu.

By the way do you know that some departments have not gotten their salaries?? The vouchers are down there so I don’t know if you can allow me to flip through to fish them out or we should go document by document because I assume you don’t care when people will get their salaries.  Or do you? Then you wouldn’t have been out for so long or are you willing to hear my mind about it?

Now madame I just heard your Good Boy announcing salary cut last week by 30%. Is that what your minister of Economic planning meant in his Economic Recovery Plan? No I refuse to understand that because in simple mathematics that is a 10 day allowance for 10 people that you took to New York and deep down your heart you know you will compensate it with your trips.

For example if your salaries on average are MK1,800,000.00 ( 0ne million and eight hundred thousand) that means a save of MK 540,000.00 for each of  you and for the remaining 10 months of our 2012/2013 financial year your offices will save K54 million which is small compared  to what you blow in just 20 or so days on an international trip just as you have done with our K308 million within 21 days.

By the way let us leave the in tray for some minutes and talk about politics, you need to relax madam. I just wanted to put it to your attention that the open lock on your party logo has been redefined and that it has created a bad image for your party. I believe it’s because of your soft heart on prisoners especially those that we call hard criminals and yet you unlocked the doors and let them go free. People want to know if it is what you meant on your party logo. Or do you have a different meaning because people from my home area in Nyezerera in Phalombe, Nyambiro in Ngabu, Chinguluwe in Salima and Tukombo in Nkhatabay demand to know of this strange logo that also reflects on your stance on pardoning criminals that are raping our sisters.

And I got this recently in Ngabu where one of your trusted political prostitutes Sidik comes from. Do you remember during the opening of 50km Khuluvi Highway in Bangula, Nsanje how he cheated late Bingu how he was going to amass votes for his brother Peter Mutharika. He said 99.9% of lower shire was going to vote for PM. But later on you easily forgot and allowed yourself to be fooled again just 4 months after that that Lower shire was now for PP. lie , a big lie madam. In fact the lower shire wants to know your ideologies and what that open lock means otherwise people still regard DPP as there hope and Sidik is no longer as powerful as he would have been if he were still in DPP. Let 2014 vindicate me when he will be floored by young David. And will that not shame you madam?

Well madam me as your messenger in this office and your employers out there we are saying NO! No this time you are going nowhere. Be in the office and do some few paper work and get your boys to work otherwise “tikhalira kupemphatu  mpaka kalekaletu”. Any way if you don’t listen to me I just wish you well but don’t forget to buy me “ CHIJOYCE “ clothes so that I give it to my granny. She likes it………………………

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